To further prove that he’s Canada’s biggest asshole, the future Mr. Avril Lavigne told Men’s Health (via Starpulse) about the time before a Nickelback show in Germany when he and his bandmates were so bored that they paid their drum technician to fuck a fan. Since there wasn’t one Nickelback fan around who’d let anybody associated with Nickelback stick a dick in them (Note: Nickelback fans are crazy, but they’re not that crazy), Chad told the drum technician to stick it in a moving metal fan (like this one). Listening to Nickelback songs every night ruined the part of the drum technician’s brain that operated his sense of reason, so he did it.
CK: We’ve always been very close to our crew, so we’ve had a lot of fun getting them to do silly, stupid things that could possibly cause them to hurt or injure themselves in some way. We were in Germany years ago—this was one of my favorite stories—and we were just bored. There was a heat wave going on in Germany. In a back room in the venue where we were playing, there was an old fan with a metal blade. I don’t remember the last time I saw a fan with a metal blade. And we paid the drum tech…. Oh god, I forget the exact amount. I think we got the pot up to about 600 deutschmarks. At this time Germany hadn’t converted to the Euro yet.
MH: 600 deutschmarks to do what?
CK: Stick his johnson in the fan.
MH: Please tell me he said no.
CK: He took the money.
MH: Oh sweet Moses.
CK: I can still hear the “bleh-bleh-blehhhhhhh” of the blade slowly sputtering to a stop, and this blood-curdling scream. It was fantastic. Somebody has video footage of this somewhere that needs to be resurrected and shown at the guy’s next birthday party.
The sound of a dude screaming out blood while making violent love to a metal fan is probably still sweeter to the ears than the sound of a Nickelback song. I’m sure Chad would’ve stuck his dick in the fan too, but the tip of it would’ve never touched the blade, so it would’ve been anti-climactic for everyone.