The Time Chad Kroeger Paid A Roadie To Stick His Dick In A Fan (Not That Kind Of Fan)

To further prove that he's Canada's biggest asshole, the future Mr. Avril Lavigne told Men's Health (via Starpulse) about the time before a Nickelback show in Germany when he and his bandmates were so bored that they paid their drum technician to fuck a fan. Since there wasn't one Nickelback fan around who'd let anybody associated with Nickelback stick a dick in them (Note: Nickelback fans are crazy, but they're not that crazy), Chad told the drum technician to stick it in a moving metal fan (like this one). Listening to Nickelback songs every night ruined the part of the drum technician's brain that operated his sense of reason, so he did it.

CK: We've always been very close to our crew, so we've had a lot of fun getting them to do silly, stupid things that could possibly cause them to hurt or injure themselves in some way. We were in Germany years ago—this was one of my favorite stories—and we were just bored. There was a heat wave going on in Germany. In a back room in the venue where we were playing, there was an old fan with a metal blade. I don't remember the last time I saw a fan with a metal blade. And we paid the drum tech.... Oh god, I forget the exact amount. I think we got the pot up to about 600 deutschmarks. At this time Germany hadn't converted to the Euro yet.

MH: 600 deutschmarks to do what?

CK: Stick his johnson in the fan.

MH: Please tell me he said no.

CK: He took the money.

MH: Oh sweet Moses.

CK: I can still hear the "bleh-bleh-blehhhhhhh" of the blade slowly sputtering to a stop, and this blood-curdling scream. It was fantastic. Somebody has video footage of this somewhere that needs to be resurrected and shown at the guy's next birthday party.

The sound of a dude screaming out blood while making violent love to a metal fan is probably still sweeter to the ears than the sound of a Nickelback song. I'm sure Chad would've stuck his dick in the fan too, but the tip of it would've never touched the blade, so it would've been anti-climactic for everyone.

Posted by: Michael K

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Chad Kroeger • Dumbasses

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Submitted by lthsq on Wed, 11/07/2012 - 3:01am.

Submitted by Gingah on Sun, 11/04/2012 - 10:56pm.

Doug Wilson: "What grown man has blond hair"?

Looks like the Canadian douchebag type.

Submitted by Dirty old man on Sat, 11/03/2012 - 7:10pm.

Between that talentless suck 41 troll and this a-hole i'm starting to think avril wants to confiscate all the words douchebags.

Submitted by WithinReason... on Sat, 11/03/2012 - 2:47pm.

What douches! At least they paid him. "Oh sweet Moses!" ollol

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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by MissDLC on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 11:05pm.

This cretin and the wanna be Canadian poseur really deserve each other. Next time he should tell his wife to stick her head in the fan to save us the misery of hearing her damn whining voice again.

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 7:15pm.

*uses Dlisted official rubber stamp to stamp a big fat CERTIFIED DOUCHE on his file*...NEXT.

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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...

Submitted by Arriving somewhere but not here. on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 6:17pm.

Jokes on CK....He may think he has found the love of his life with Avril, however, his bandmates paid her mega amounts of cash to keep his cock sucking face away from them...

Submitted by me_ on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 6:16pm.

ahahaha..., hilarious. not.

act only according to that maxim you wish it should become a universal law without contradiction. immanuel kant

stick your dick in..., chad who!

Submitted by DiamondDogs on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 5:24pm.

If music is the universal language then Nickelback is cosmically illiterate.

Submitted by Dog on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 5:14pm.

He and Advil deserve each other. What a douchebag.

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www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

Submitted by tonicbitch on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 3:56pm.

Maybe he'll stick Avril in a fan.

Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 3:08pm.

Submitted by Daniee on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 4:36pm.
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I wouldn't refer to them as Cock Rock, or any kind of rock, I would refer to them as crap.

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"What if all you understand could fit into the center of a hand? And then you found it wasn't you, who held the sum of everything you knew?"

Submitted by Daniee on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 3:06pm.

Can ALL of the band members be really this dumb? Ive seen all of these douches infortunately as they like to party in Vancouver and Langley, BC ...and anyway, we talked to their (previous) drummer Ryan and he seemed like a guy with his head on right.
It just blows my mind sometimes how there could not be ONE person who would say this is just mad.

Nickelback is NOT cock rock. I actually love me some cock rock.

Submitted by Kizzy on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 3:02pm.

If you can let Chad talk you into doing anything, your dick in a fan is the least of your problems.

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"I am not doing your fucking maneuvers."-Croc
"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.K "We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard ♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥

Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 2:58pm.

Ugh... Can Chad Kroeger be any bigger of talentless douchebag???It's like he's actually going out of his way to be an insufferable polesmoker. I'd rather read Scott Stapp's new book. I'm actually starting to side with Avril's ex garden gnome troll of a husband on his Halloween costume choice...

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"What if all you understand could fit into the center of a hand? And then you found it wasn't you, who held the sum of everything you knew?"

Submitted by Darknight on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 2:46pm.

No matter what you make people do with your money at the end of the day you're still noodle head..:(

Submitted by Esteem on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 2:24pm.

So I guess the dude had a price huh. How much is your dick worth to you? Dumb ass. And CK is a douche.

Submitted by miz cynical on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 2:17pm.

What an asshole. How old is, 12? What grown man/men sit around complaining about how bored they are? You're in germany (I've never been), so I can imagine that there's plenty of culturally interesting things to do than fandicking.

Submitted by She She peritta on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 2:05pm.

Gawwwwwd he's boring. That's all???? He's trying way too hard to be edgy. You're not edgy and your music is just as dull as your antics.

Submitted by REDMOND on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 2:03pm.

I would like to put this Chad guy's dick in a blender.
Does anyone remember when he was in a facebook war with some random person over the page "I bet this pickle has more fans than Nickleback"? He was whining all over the place.
I could never be friends with someone who owns a Nickelback album. They're almost as bad as the insane clown posse.

Submitted by El Bastardo on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 1:55pm.

Nice. Saw a video on Youeey with this twat jumping up and trying to get his head between ceiling fan blades.Result? Yep, not good :(

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My lover....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mz147m98jdQ&feature=related

Submitted by Suzy Farkis on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 1:37pm.

Is it possible to renounce one's citizenship by proxy? You're out, Kroeger.

Submitted by Nanners on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 1:31pm.

How unCanadian. Should have asked him to stick his dick to a frozen lamp post.

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What the fuck dude? And being European is NOT an excuse. - IHateCharityChic 05/10/2012

Submitted by mamacita75 on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 1:16pm.

Douchebag is right.

Lame. What a disgusting human being.

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I have to laugh to keep from crying.

Submitted by babybunny on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 1:15pm.

btw a fuzzy kitten or puppeh video would really work right now after the Cee Loo, CaCa, Canadian Douchebag post...more kittehs less fucktards!!!

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 1:14pm.

Willowmeena -- it's actually called cock rock. Perhaps the biggest band known for cock rock is Led Zeppelin, mostly because of the guys wearing obscenely tight pants with the outline of their dicks. But those guys were talented and produced amazing music.

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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"

Submitted by babybunny on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 1:13pm.

never liked him or his music he and that super cunt Avril do deserve each other...she being a huge bitch and all...

Submitted by Zedrie on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 1:11pm.

Who the hell would think "Sure" to 'Hey, you should shove your, erm... 'johnson' into some fast moving metal blades"?
I don't know if I should be more appalled at Kroeger for being a complete fucking asshole or the roadie for being a complete fucking moron.

Submitted by louise_brooks on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 1:05pm.

Submitted by TrashyWilma on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 2:13pm.
This is not rock and roll. There's been some pretty amazing stories in rock, like Motley Crüe giving fans cereal enemas and Manson's guitarist fucking a deaf girl in full view of everyone while cussing her out.

Those things are really just apples to Nickleback's oranges. None of those things are "amazing".

Submitted by Happy Hour on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 1:04pm.

Who thinks this is funny?? Damn

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 1:04pm.

Can we get a picture of a basket of puppies or a cat snuggling a bunny or something? because there's just too much gross and vom on this site today.

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Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.

"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."

Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 1:01pm.

Submitted by Willowmeena: "I don't know who this guy is as I'm not very familiar with cock music."

"Cock music" cracked me up. I don't know what Nickelback sounds like, I don't think.

Submitted by dfanintheD on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 12:58pm.

Nickeldouchebag.

Submitted by Willowmeena on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 12:55pm.

I don't know who this guy is as I'm not very familiar with cock music. But from reading of his glee at someone else's pain and by using his fame and power to achieve it, I'd call Sociopath.

Avril is a lucky gal

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"We must not look at Goblin men,
We must not buy their fruits,
Who knows upon what soil they fed,
Their hungry, thirsty roots"

Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 12:55pm.

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 2:21pm.

Whamo -- actually, no, some women & girls do stuff like that, too. Like how dare you said, they're bullies, or mean girls.
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Good point Twatty but just in general I'd suggest guys are more apt to do the stupendously stupid shit.

Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 12:52pm.

Submitted by chinchilla on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 2:20pm.

Nickelback is the musical equivalent to sticking your dick in a fan.
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Probably the most appropriate comment on the post! lol!

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 12:51pm.

Whamo -- actually, no, some women & girls do stuff like that, too. Like how dare you said, they're bullies, or mean girls.

And anyone who has a hairdo like Kroeger there is an asshole.

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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"

Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 12:51pm.

Submitted by TrashyWilma on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 2:13pm.
Submitted by TrashyWilma on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 2:13pm.

Manson's guitarist fucking a deaf girl in full view of everyone while cussing her out.
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LMAO! That actually does sound funny as shit but Trash you think THATS better than some dopey dude sticking his dick in fan?

*gets earplugs for Trashy* :P

I can just imagine some of the war stories from all our favorite bands and singers, I'm sure there are a lot of WTFs going on there.

Submitted by chinchilla on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 12:50pm.

Nickelback is the musical equivalent to sticking your dick in a fan.

Submitted by TrashyWilma on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 12:43pm.

This is not rock and roll. There's been some pretty amazing stories in rock, like Motley Crüe giving fans cereal enemas and Manson's guitarist fucking a deaf girl in full view of everyone while cussing her out.

Enjoying the sound of somebody screaming, however, and not realizing others have a problem with it... this man is a sociopath.

Submitted by Immodest Goddess on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 12:42pm.

Asshole.

Submitted by oceanlover998 on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 12:41pm.

...yeah what a nasty piece of work...

...and homely as a sunburnt donkey vag*na I might add...

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...'...It's just a matter of common courtesy...you come in the house, you wipe your wheels!...'...

Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 12:39pm.

I HATE Nicklebunk but I have no problem with this. It's rock and rock, it's being on the road and goofing around. It's not like he put a gun to his head or say if you don't you're out.

We guys challenge and bet our friends do do all sorts of stupid things, that's why women are smarter that men,

Do you really think the first time it was a women that laid on her side put a bic lighter to her ass to see how much of a flame she could get to shoot out her butthole...that all brilliantly retard man baby. Bawahaaaa!

Submitted by fredfred on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 12:38pm.

who the fuck calls it a "johnson"? what an asshole.

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watching hardcore ufos

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 12:36pm.

I guess I should consider myself lucky -- I've never heard a Nickelback song in my life. That's what you get when you listen to the Siriusly Sinatra station all day.

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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"

Submitted by tonicbitch on Fri, 11/02/2012 - 12:27pm.

"Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red
And what the hell is on Joey's head"

Fuck everybody that made this guy rich.