Let’s All Take A Moment To Remember The Crunchy Curl Gloriousness That WAS Michelle Duggar’s Old Hair

Would you ever want to turn off Niagara Falls? Would you ever want to fill the Grand Canyon with manure? Would you ever paint over a rainbow with shades of beige? Would you ever break into Shauna Sand’s shoe closet and replace all her exquisite lucite heels with CROCs? No, you would never want to destroy a thing of beauty, because that is ILLEGAL. So I don’t know why in the hell Michelle Duggar would let anyone take a pair of scissors and straightening balm to the utopia of curly fries and chola bangs on top of her head, but she did and I HATE HER FOR IT.

On Tuesday night’s episode of 19 Kids and Counting, Michelle Duggar’s childhood friend Cindy (Full name: Cindy, Evil Bitch Destroyer of Glamour) came over to give her a makeover. Michelle hasn’t changed her hair in almost 39 years and there’s a reason for that. The Bible clearly states: Thou shalt not stop frying your hair with a curling iron and gel from the 99 Cent Store. But Michelle went against the word of the lord and let Cindy ruin her hair. This is what stared back at Michelle when she looked in the mirror:

FOR WHY????????!!!!!!!!?????

Bitch got Michele Bachmann-ified!

Today, I weep, because a full day went by without all 10 million of the Duggar children hearing the sizzling sound of Michelle curling her gel-drenched hair. Who’s going to buy all of the White Rain hairspray now? Michelle’s new bangs are way too soft. How is Jim Bob going to side fuck her bangs during foreplay? I don’t care if Michelle’s 1990s soap opera hair don’t is temporary. I still won’t ever forgive her for this, just like her pussy won’t ever forgive her for causing it to prolapse all the time.

via Yahoo! TV (Thanks to Melody, Sara and Deborah for sending this work of blasphemy in)