Charlie Sheen Bought His Favorite Hooker A New Vagina

November 1, 2012 / Posted by:

In case you were wondering, Charlie Sheen is still being Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen is still keeping the economy alive by snorting a quarter ounce of coke a day, smoking crack, watching Internet porn all day and throwing thousands of dollars at high-priced pussy peddlers. A source tells Radar that Charlie is blowing through his Anger Management money in more ways than one.

The source says that for the past 8 months, Charlie has slipped back into his crackhead ways and is spending around $2,000 a day on the bad shit. Charlie’s private drug dealer brings over a quarter to half an ounce of cocaine a day. Charlie sometimes snorts it, but since he’s a lover of gourmet coke, he usually cooks it with baking soda in his bathroom and smokes it out of a pipe he made from a Fiji water bottle. Yes, Fiji. TRASH! Charlie needs to read this week’s edition of GOOP, because GOOP says that only the poor smoke their drugs out of a Fiji water bottle. The rich only smoke their drugs out of $52 rolling papers from Sugar Paper or they smoke it out a pipe made from a Vittel water bottle imported from a recycling center in Toulouse.

When Charlie isn’t inhaling the breath of a Lohan through a Fiji crack pipe, he’s buying top shelf poon by the dozen. Charlie even has a favorite hooker and he loves her so much that he gave her the gift of a new vagina. The source says this:

“Charlie fancies one girl in particular and sometimes pays her a whopping $25,000 per night to be with him — and that’s not all. This one girl that Charlie really likes had insecurities about her vagina so she begged Charlie to get her a vaginal rejuvenation surgery to make it prettier. And he did. He got her the surgery, and he also bought her a new car.”

If you need a visual as to what an ugly vagina looks like, just look at that picture above again.

Charlie really is a saint for helping those with unfortunate chochas. That poor girl probably did whatever she could to revitalize her stale cookie. She hung one of those Little Trees air fresheners (scent: new twat) over her box and it didn’t help. She put a new coat of paint on it. She refaced it. She even called HGTV’s Holmes on Holmes for help, but nothing worked. Then the one-crackhead Make-A-Wish foundation for whores came along and answered her snatch’s prayers. Since cheap ass Oprah isn’t giving anything away for free nowadays, it’s nice to know that Charlie is. You get a pussy! You get a pussy! And YOU get a pussy! Pussies for everyone!

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