It’s Like John Travolta And Tiger Woods All Over Again

October 31, 2012 / Posted by:

Most of us haven’t been able to fully enjoy a double glazed donut after reading story after story about how John Travolta’s slobbery dough hole tried to gobble up any and ever man finger that came near it. And now here’s something that might keep you off of Chick-O-Sticks for a while.

Papa Joe Simpson hasn’t officially “come out(and he doesn’t need to when he’s walking around in outfits like this), but The National Enquirer is still pouring all of his (alleged) secrets out on the internet. Bryce Chandler Hill apparently wasn’t the only pretty-faced twink that Papa Joe was rolling around naked with. A high-priced escort named Joey Anderson (Side note: Click here for his Daddy Reviews page and yes, I just spent 20 minutes of my time looking for a review that read, “And he even complimented me on the highlights in my pubes!“) ran off to the Enquirer to tell them about the night in May when Papa Joe paid him $600 for a little quality time at the Mandarin Oriental in NYC. Because a getting a cashiers check from The National Enquirer is more important than not breaking the ho code, Joey Anderson told all:

“Over the course of two hours or so, we rolled around, kissed and gave each other oral. We’d take breathers and then start up all over again. He seemed to have an insatiable appetite for sex and never really appeared tired. I didn’t let on that I knew his real identity, and he never mentioned anything about Jessica or his family. I’ve been with a lot of men in my life, and by Joe’s actions that night, he’s gay.

Whatever the case, I’m probably not the only one. After being a family man, and a religious one to boot, for all these years, I’m sure he’s out sowing his wild oats with a bunch of boys. Joe has lived a lifetime of deceit regarding his sexuality. Before the dust settles, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear about a lot more guys coming forward.”

In other Sugar Daddy Joe news, Radar says that Tina Simpson found out that her husband was gargling on twink peen when she found modeling pictures of Bryce in her house and later pried a confession out of Joe in the lobby of his NYC hotel. Tina also knew that something in the milk was twink cream when she noticed that hundreds of thousands of dollars went missing from her checking account. The source says Papa Joe pulled that money out to make it rain fancy gifts on Bryce.

Papa Joe really does have a type. If your body is empty of hair, you smell like strawberry lip gloss and you’ve got a premium flippin’ mane, then Papa Joe wants you. Some of you have already been through enough this week, so instead of picturing Joey’s luscious unicorn mane falling all over Pastor Joe’s gut as they get into some beej time fun, just picture them reading scriptures to each other in that hotel room. Actually, don’t, because the latter image is more terrifying.

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