Heidi Klum should’ve canceled her annual Halloween party the day she traded in Seal’s peen for the help’s peen, but she still made plans to go on with it and had her team of full-time costume elves make her an elaborate as all hell Cleopatra costume. But Heidi will probably never wear that Cleopatra costume at one of her Halloween parties, because she has pressed the pause button that on shit. Since it’s kind of hard to have a party in NYC without electricity, a dance floor that’s not underwater and people who could give a shit, Heidi announced that her Halloween party is canceled and she might do a haunted Christmas thing in December instead. Well, at least this gives Heidi more time to fornicate with the help (Seal’s words not mine). Heidi tweeted the news and also gave it to ET:
“I hope you & your loved ones are safe after this devastating storm in the New York City area. For obvious reasons, I am canceling my Halloween party scheduled for tomorrow night. I hope to postpone for the near future… maybe a very Haunted Christmas? I hope everyone understands and stays safe.”
Can’t we just cancel Halloween altogether? I know I’m almost an official ho of Los Angeles again… I say “almost,” because I’ve only completed two out of three initiation rituals. I’ve bought naranjas by the freeway and I’ve gotten into my first road rage situation by flipping off and screaming at a dumb bitch in a white Fiat for taking my parking space at Trader Joe’s. But I’ve yet to complain about how cold it is when it’s 75 degrees outside, so I’m not official. But anyway, even though I’m almost an official ho of Los Angeles, I still can’t get into Halloween when I know that the NYC subways aren’t open. One of my favorite things to do during Slutoween times is to ride the subway at the end of the night and watch drunk messes in smeared make-up eat a taco while trying to keep their slutty costume from exposing their nips to everyone. That’s Halloween to me. So see you next year, Halloween!