OctoMom Is In Rehab

October 30, 2012 / Posted by:

I know, that’s White Oprah’s trademarked parenting technique. LAWSUIT!

Anybody who has seen an OctoMom interview isn’t surprised that she’s hooked on Xanax (and possibly delicious vodka), because the crazy bitch talks like her brain just exploded and all the thoughts are pouring out of her mouth hole at once. TMZ says that OctoMom traded in her addiction to IVF for an addiction to pills and now she’s sitting in a Southern California rehab clinic to control her thirst for Xanax. OctoMom’s rep tells TMZ that she checked into Chapman House Rehabilitation Center over the weekend and left her entire child army with 3 nannies, 2 friends and 1 driver. Those 6 tortured souls will take care of OctoMom’s tribe of 14 chirruns while she’s dealing with some shit for the next 30 days. OctoMom’s rep said this:

“Nadya wanted to get off the Xanax she was prescribed by her doctor and learn to deal with her stress, exhaustion and anxiety with professional help with a team of doctors. Nadya wanted to deal with her issues and make sure she is the best mother she can be.”

OctoMom’s rep said that the rehab clinic is taking care of the bill even though she wanted to use some of her fap porn money to pay for it.

One of Octo’s former nannies, Gina B, tells Radar that Xanax isn’t her only mind number of choice. Gina says that Octo regularly guzzled from a water bottle filled with vodka and cranberry juice. Gina hasn’t ever seen Octo drive the child army around while she’s seven kinds of plastered, but Gina has heard stories about people stopping Octo from driving drunk.

OctoMom’s head is permanently pregnant with the crazy, but in her defense, if I had 14 screeching brats crawling all over me and begging for food all the time, I’d be fucked up on more than just Xanax. I don’t condone shooting heroin directly into your skull, but I do condone it if you have 14 kids to take care of on a fap porn star salary. I know OctoMom did this to herself and Child Protective Services should probably just call it a day by selling all of her kids in a Going Out of Business Sale, but it’s a miracle that she’s still lucid enough to know that the best way to skip out on all your responsibilities is to get an addiction to Xanax so you can take an all-expenses paid VACATION! Bitch still has one sanity cell left in her brain (no, she doesn’t).

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