Note to celebwhores who sell their wedding pictures for hundreds of thousands of dollars to the likes of People Magazine: You’re tacky, you’re trashy and you’re doing it wrong. Learn from Levi Johnston who really knows how to do it. Nothing says tact and class like selling your wedding pictures to the highly-respectable news show Inside Edition for a 16 oz. can of Miller Lite High Life, a box of bullets and a carton of Winstons. There’s truly something special about your wedding pictures being shown between a story about the 600-pound woman and a baby-cleaning dog.
Yesterday in Wasilla, the unpoppable pimple on the Palin Family’s b-hole, Levi Johnston, became someone’s husband for the first time when he married Sunny Ogelsby, the mother to his one-month old daughter Breeze Beretta. Levi Johnston, Sunny Ogelsby, Breeze Beretta…. THOSE PEOPLES’ NAMES! I guess Wasilla really is the meth capital of Alaska, because Levi’s parents, Sunny’s parents and Breeze’s parents were all on the wrong stuff when their names were chosen. Those don’t sound like real-life names. Those sound like the names of characters in a 1970s car chase movie. They should be played by Burt Reynolds, Audrey Landers and Susan Anton, respectively.
Sadly for Levi, his first born, Tripp, wasn’t there to say, “Congratulations, faggot!“, because Bristol Palin is a bitch who likes to play games. Levi wanted Tripp to be the ring bearer, but Bristol wouldn’t let him. Well, there’s always next time and there will be a next time, because this isn’t Levi’s last marriage. Levi was meant to be the dead beat, piece of trash ex-husband to dozens of women.
And in that picture above, as her parents breathe on each other, Breeze Beretta is looking out into the distance and dreaming of the day she’ll be able to crawl far away from those two dumb bitches.