Since almost the beginning of time, an embarrassing rumor has followed Rod Stewart around like a bunch of beaver babies followed that thing on his head around, because they mistook it for their mommy. The rumor goes that sometime in the 1970s, Rod Stewart went to a gay bar in San Diego, met a bunch of sailors, sucked them all off and swallowed so much seamen semen that he had to get his stomach pumped at the emergency room. The rumor is embarrassing, because what kind of lightweight, weak, sad excuse for a peen sucker can’t handle their jizz? This might be the only time in history when Parasite Hilton and I are shaking our heads in disgust at the same time. But Rod Stewart says that if rumors had stomachs, that rumor would have a stomach full of lies.
Esteemed journalist Katie Couric had Rod Stewart on her show and asked him extremely important questions like if it’s true paramedics once put their hands on his stomach and started pumping until a cum geyser shot out of his mouth. Rod denied it:
“I used to have this guy work for me, he was a gay publicist… I had to fire him because he did something terrible, which I won’t go into. He wanted revenge so he started this rumor about me, and it was horrible because my kids were at school. So that is definitely not true. I’m as heterosexual as they come.”
More like he’s heterosexual until they come and then he’s a ravenous cum slut. I refuse to believe Rod Stewart. What is he going to tell me next? That Jordan from New Kids never got his stomach pumped either or that Richard Gere doesn’t have an entire gerbil farm up in his guts? Rod Stewart is only lying, because he’s too ashamed to admit that he couldn’t handle being the pass around mouth of the marines. I’d lie too.