“Grace” and “subtle elegance” aren’t words I’d normally use to describe a bunch of crazy Catholic fundamentalists protesting against gay adoption in Le Mans, France on Tuesday morning, but that’s exactly what they gave us. Now we really know who did the dancing for Natalie Portman in Black Swan. It was Mo Rocca’s homophobic French twin and here he is using the beautiful power of dance to protest against people saner than him giving children a home.
While wearing one of the Pope’s old disco catsuits, the protester dances like an exquisite silver falcon who was just ran over by a truck, dragged 50 feet and then picked at by a family of wolves.
The dance is supposed to signify that only a heterosexual mother and a heterosexual father can make a grown man in a Spandex bodysuit spread his paper wings and pretend to fly with the help of their weird chanting. Or something like that. This is supposed to be a protest against gayness, but this is really an advertisement FOR gayness. It’s the gayest thing to land on my eyeballs in a while and I’ve looked in the mirror twice today, so that’s saying a lot. It’s perfect. It’s beautiful.
When dude starts twirling around in that silver bodysuit, millions of flecks of glittery gayness explodes into the universe. At that very moment, the phones of hundreds of gay couples rang and after they answered, they heard the words, “Your adoption application is approved!” This is a “Make It Rain Babies on Gay Couples” dance. I mean, if there was a gay stork, that’s what he would look like.
And the only thing that would make this better is if after they start clapping at the very beginning, they bust into “Car Wash.” Dude IS wearing the perfect outfit for it.