Conor Kennedy Just Wasn’t Ready For Love, Marriage, Babies And Waking Up To Heart-Shaped Pancakes Every Morning

October 26, 2012 / Posted by:

iPhones lit up in homeroom and some students had to be pulled out of class for peer counseling (Side note: I was a peer counselor in junior high school, but I only did it so I could pull my chola friend and her boyfriend out of class and let them make-out behind the gym bathrooms while I drew pictures of cats on my notebook. FOREVER ALONE.) yesterday when everybody learned that Taylor Swift was not going to be queen at the Winter Formal this year, because she broke up with Conor Kennedy. Tears fell on a hundred paper bag book covers (that should be the title of a song). Radar says that Taylor and Conor’s love didn’t end because she realized that being with a dude for more than 2 months is bad for business. It ended, because the crazy bitch is seriously Kennedy-ized.

Some source says that Conor Kennedy is just a typical 18-year-old kid who’s desperately, madly, crazy in love as long as his peen is hard. Then when it goes soft, he’s back to being bored and wants to play Bad Piggies on his phone while lying on the big sofa in the family rec room. But Taylor is ready for marriage and ready for babies and wants all of those babies to have the last name Kennedy:

“Taylor is obsessed with the Kennedys and was living out a fairytale with Conor. But she was more obsessed with the idea of dating a Kennedy, than the actual Kennedy she was dating. Taylor is love crazy and loves living vicariously through other people’s love stories. She sincerely wants to find the person that she is supposed to spend the rest of her life with. But unfortunately, she thinks every man that gives her butterflies is that person.”

That last part. Does the source mean that figuratively or literally, because it makes sense both ways. But even though Conor has already gotten over Taylor by making out with the school slut Crystal (they’re ALWAYS named Crystal), she’s not giving up her Kennedy dreams and is not ready to assassinate Conor in a song just yet. TMZ says that Taylor is still planning to buy her perfect Kennedy Stalking Palace across the street from Ethel Kennedy’s house.

Oh, Taylor. Didn’t anyone tell her that you shouldn’t settle down with a dude who says, “Can you go a little faster, I have pre-cal in 20 minutes,” while you’re giving him a good morning hand job.

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