Jessica Simpson Can't Believe Her Daddy Loves The Peen

I took my gaydar to the Geek Squad yesterday, because the stupid, cheap thing didn't shoot out a stream of sparkly unicorn jizz every time I looked at a picture of Papa Joe. I guess Jessica Simpson was right behind me in line, because Radar says that she was as shocked as me to find out that Papa Joe loves the peen even though the signs were all there (huge example: that Revlon Frost & Glow hair).

Papa Joe and Tina Simpson both filed to divorce each other's ass yesterday and The National Enquirer said it was because he told them two months ago that he's totally and legitimately gay (he denies it, sort of, not really). Ashlee Simpson gasped so hard that her original nose came back and Jessica Simpson couldn't believe it. All those times Papa Joe was away from the house for hours on end, Jessica and Ashlee thought he was flashing young ladies in the park, but he was actually boning boy toy butt with his tongue. Some source said this:

“Jessica had absolutely no clue that her father was gay, not even the slightest inkling. She thinks she has very good gaydar, especially since a lot of her friends are gay, but she did not see this coming at all. It was a complete shock to the system, she feels terribly for her mom who was left reeling by the announcement and her sister Ashlee has also taken the news quite badly. Jessica’s been trying to process the information slowly, but she’s having difficulty dealing with it. She can’t understand why Joe stayed married to Tina for so long, and can't help wondering how much of their life was a lie. Despite that, she’s going to stand by him and support his decision. After all, he’s still her father and Joe’s always been there for Jessica whenever she’s needed him... And not just as a father, but as her manager too."

Poor dumb simple Jessica. Think of all the hours she spent in therapy to deal with the scars she got from watching her dad touch her tits wrong with his eyes and from trying to put on a fake smile while holding up the lace lingerie he bought her for Christmas. But Papa Joe was only checking to make sure her chichi game was in check and only bought her lingerie, because her underwear was homely. Papa Joe isn't a creepy, pervert daddy. Papa Joe's just a sassy gay dad. This changes EVERYTHING.

And my gaydar is sad, confused and hating itself for not ringing for Papa Joe, so I'm going to build its confidence by giving it something easy. Here's the German rainbow Harald Glööckler unveiling the house he designed in Berlin. "Wait, Harald's gay TOO?!" - Jessica Simpson

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by A__________Z on Fri, 10/26/2012 - 8:56pm.

If I have this right, as a woman I can:
Marry and Beard a gay
Marry and Beard a pedophile
Marry a guy that will run off with the first 20yo that side eyes him
Marry an alcoholic/addict

Did I miss anything????????

Submitted by Newportjoey on Fri, 10/26/2012 - 11:57am.

I am amazed at the number of homophobic chatter.
Dlisted's author is GAY....SO are a lot of the Dlisted sluts. How so many of you are taking this personally is a disturbing act I wish you had kept to yourselves.

None of you know what it's like to be a Gay Dad.....except the ones that are. Since my children are 37 and 38....my own drama started way before most of you were conceived.

Sexuality is fluid as some wise poster mentioned. The relationship between Joe and Dina evidently will work itself out and really is nobody's business.

And if your repulsed by a Gay dad...fuck you...it's much better then NO dad....

Smooches from a Nearly Living Legend/ Newportjoey

"If Drinks are not involved, then neither am I"

Submitted by like-wow on Fri, 10/26/2012 - 10:22am.

What's next? Let me guess; a Papa Joe gay sex tape.

Submitted by chenx0 on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 11:05pm.

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Submitted by Esteem on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 9:55pm.

I actually thought my gaydar was on the fritz on this guy, because he was married with two daughters...

Submitted by oh dave on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 9:33pm.

Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 5:07pm.
Man, I was so in love with this guy in college, and was a dumbass

__________________________

No offense but you don't really know this guy is gay. I think you have a little bit of resentment that he was disappointing. Best thing to do is not look at his Facebook.

Submitted by Santa Ana Winds on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 8:53pm.

Don't feel bad MK...My gaydar didn't go off for Adam Lambert, if you can believe that! I didn't know until I read it somewhere!

Submitted by chlyn on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 8:47pm.

Submitted by dementa on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 5:26pm.

Guys…. anyone else wondering if this perv went after Ashlee's now-ex-husband?

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I like the way you think. Pete did go away very quickly and quietly. And there were rumors he's bi. ESCANDALO!!!

Submitted by WithinReason... on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 8:00pm.

"Ashlee Simpson gasped so hard that her original nose came back" - MK Omg, read that as "gaped" bwahaha hahaaha

Never gave her dad much thought tbh. No clue why he's even famous...

I highly doubt your gaydar needs any tuning MK! You have laser vision! lol

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░

Submitted by Cookie_Monster_ on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 7:57pm.

It IS wrong and it IS disgusting and it IS a slap in the face to his family.

Submitted by Who Datt on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 7:35pm.

Why are we shocked she didn't know her own daddy was gay? Didn't she think the tuna she was eating was actually chicken?

Submitted by mike on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 4:37pm.

Submitted by FluffKitteh on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 4:07pm.
I dated a guy in college who came out to me many years later. He was getting ready to marry a woman and felt like he had to tell someone his secret. They now have a kid. I don't understand why a gay man would decide to get married to a chick and start a family? Is the societal pressure that strong?

I live next door an older (50s) gay couple, and both of them have kids (and grand kids), and were both once married. They're very nice guys, and awesome neighbors (in other words, they're quiet, clean, and mind their own business), but I can't imagine either of them with a woman.

I think it (gay guys marrying women) was once very common, especially if they came from an unsophisticated rural or (unsophisticated) religious background.

Submitted by dementa on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 4:30pm.

Submitted by SteelCityGirl on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 5:40pm.

Well, it WOULD explain why he's married to a former groupie who looks like a crossbreed between a weasel and a horse. Hmmm...

*********

I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

Submitted by tonicbitch on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 4:28pm.

FluffKitteh it depends on where you live and your social circle, but gay people are still targets of discrimination and hate crimes, so, yeah.

Submitted by freshfacestripper on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 4:21pm.

And...fuck men leading double lives lying to themselves and women! It's your world. Stop with the bullshitting and just make gay rights legal already!!! Poor fucking,Tina! Lezzi...

Submitted by freshfacestripper on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 4:18pm.

Fucking most annoying family in Hollywood! How stupid is this whole ordeal,too. Just enuff with these people and onto Bruce Jenner getting dumped by Kris for Brody or some other crazy white ppl drama

Submitted by Stock Broker on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 4:11pm.

I always got a wiff of gay from Papa Joe, because he's an avid user of Sun-In.

Not that there's anything wrong with that...as Seinfeld would say.

_____________________________________________________
"Going to Burger King to eat healthy is like going to a prostitute for a hug." Dlister Supah 8.20.11

Submitted by SteelCityGirl on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 4:10pm.

REVELATION: Shouldn't this news tell us all that Billy Ray Cyrus also goes for the peen? He seems into his daughter, has frosted hair, from the South... hmmm...

Submitted by SteelCityGirl on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 3:57pm.

Few things make my mouth drop but Joe's mouth dropping for the peen is one of them! I have solid gaydar as well and the thought never quite crossed my mind. It ALL makes sense now. The minister thing, the stage parenting, the obsession with fame, the hair, managing young male singers, the perverted ways... Well played, Papa Joe! It's a sad story when you'd rather have people think you're into your own daughter than come out as gay. I feel badly for his wife. What a terrible thing to do to a woman for so many years.

Submitted by dementa on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 3:56pm.

Guys…. anyone else wondering if this perv went after Ashlee's now-ex-husband?

*********

I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 3:50pm.

Gay, straight, bi, or whatever else....he's creepy as hell.

_______________________________________________

Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.

"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."

Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 3:37pm.

Man, I was so in love with this guy in college, and was a dumbass lovesick puppy for about a year, wondering why he didn't want to go further than a little tit-grabbing with me. And I will say, I was super cute in my early 20s and usually didn't have trouble boning a guy I liked. Well, when I finally confessed to my friends that I liked him, they had a big laugh because they all thought he was gay. And it's true that when we put the pieces together, it all screamed GAY AS FUCK. Still, I was heartbroken, confused and mortified because he tried to act like a ladies' man all the time (though it's true he never had a girlfriend.)

Anyway, 10 years later he's my FB friend, and he's married now with children, and he's this really involved community leader with political aspirations. And he still screams GAY AS FUCK to me. He ended up marrying this girl I knew in college, who was so desperate to be with him, she waited and waited and put up with all his bullshit. But he doesn't seem to give a shit about his family, never posts pictures of them, never talks about them or spends time with them. His FB comments are catty as fuck, especially about women. Anyway, this dude is Mexican-American and aiming to be a pillar of the Mexican American community so I can see why he had to live this way, but I still think it's cruel.

Women, adjust your gaydars and don't let a down-low ghey make you his unsuspecting beard! That's my public service announcement for the day. lol

Submitted by Caramel on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 3:16pm.

I have tons of respect for couples and families that find a way to keep things civilized when working through difficult times, especially if they manage to maintain a friendship-it's inspiring.

Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 2:51pm.

Submitted by Immodest Goddess on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 2:50pm.
Awww man. You spend 30 years with someone and you want to give her NOTHING?!
THIS! What a complete and total jerk asshole if this is true. 34 years! I do feel sorry or
Tina. I can see her being broadsided by this.
cause he's sneaky fuxker.

Submitted by JTROS on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 2:48pm.

Submitted by Lisbet459 on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 2:18pm.
______

Your uncle sounds like the priest who married me and my husband. He was en fuego. Even my grandma said, "I think your priest is gay."

Submitted by girlfromipanema on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 3:00pm.

Don't feed the troll below.

ETA: Yay! The troll is dead!!

Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 2:45pm.

Submitted by PYT on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 3:16pm.

Honestly, I definitely agree that sexuality is fluid and it's definitely a journey to discovering yourself. However, I don't think people wake up one day with a new attraction to a gender. It may take people longer to deal with it or come to terms with it but if he is gay now I think he always has been.

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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012

Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 2:44pm.

Submitted by Few Words on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 2:42pm.

hey dumb broad: your daddy liked your music. that shudda been a sign to ya.
=====================================
LOL!

Submitted by GoTexan40mg on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 2:44pm.

Can't hate on Jessica here.. like one poster (more many) have said on Jess, that she may be "one speed" but she is pretty much harmless. AlThough it is a quick swift kick to the soul knowing your husband is gay and never loved you 'in that way'. I agree , you should love who you wanna love , because this shit here is a bitter pill to swallow.

Submitted by FluffKitteh on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 2:37pm.

I dated a guy in college who came out to me many years later. He was getting ready to marry a woman and felt like he had to tell someone his secret. They now have a kid. I don't understand why a gay man would decide to get married to a chick and start a family? Is the societal pressure that strong?

********************
"Brows should not look like a condiment!" -MK

Submitted by Message In A Bottle on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 2:04pm.

Its not him being gay that irks me, its the perverted remarks he made to Jessica and the fact he's boning a 20-year-old makes me think he's a full-blown pervert.
I'm sure Nick feels he dodged a bullet by not breeding into this clusterfuck of a family.
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Also, when you end a statement with "Kim Kardashian is fabulous," all your previous points are INVALID, because obviously you have lost your damn mind." - MK

Submitted by Paquita on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 2:03pm.

Submitted by girlfromipanema on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 3:27pm.

Kudos to you and your parents. So many families stay together (like your aunt and her husband) and becomes more destructive for the whole family.

Glad you have a loving mom and dad. That is what matters.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!

Submitted by girlfromipanema on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 2:01pm.

I found out my dad was gay when I was 15. The initial shock lasted about a day or two, another week or so to put two and two together from earlier in life, but the acceptance was always there. No one would ever guess my dad is gay. My dad DID and DOES love my mom (just no longer romantically) and they are still great friends, though my dad is the love of my mom's life. Even if Dad wasn't gay, though, it would have ended in divorce.

MANY differences though: my dad told my mom he was bi when they first started dating. My mom was still a teen and didn't fully understand what that meant. My parents had been divorced for almost a decade when my dad came out to me (though the divorce was a result of dad preferring men). They had nothing, so no money to split. If they did, they would have shared.

Now, my aunt's husband (I refuse to call him my uncle), tries to pray the gay away. They haven't lived on the same continent for over a decade, save for a year or two under the same roof in Italy halfway through. During that time, I stayed with them for a week. He was nothing but abusive to my aunt. If he hadn't been confined to a wheelchair at the time, he would have gotten physical. I finally realized why my cousins treat women the way they do, because they saw their father do it their whole lives. My aunt is a pastor and so is her husband, so they refuse to get divorced. UGH.

That said, Joe's an asshole. Tina may have known before Jessica and Ashley, but I doubt it. And he doesn't want her to get anything after 30 years? Fuck off. I wish all the ladies involved will heal from this soon, as it would have taken me a lot longer to accept my dad being gay if he was a douche like Papa Joe.

Submitted by joanne on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 1:57pm.

Gay dad is much better than creepy dad.

Submitted by Mel-Tang on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 1:57pm.

There were a few times I thought Joe liked peen. But then my gaydar was also interrupted by his fascination with J's chi chi's. He had us all fooled!

* 100% hotness verified by WHAMO. :P *

www.poopreport.com :)

<3-------------------------------<3

RIMADYL KILLS

Submitted by Paquita on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 1:49pm.

I always joked with my two best friends about how when I got to meet her. She would fall for me and then seduce me. Ending up in me leaving him for her. LOL

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!

Submitted by PYT on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 1:46pm.

Well, do you think every gay and lesbian knows this about themselves from the time they are born?

Or do you think it's possible that these feelings may take time to discover? I imagine it can be a confusing journey. Thus, I can't call him out as being dishonest without knowing where is was in his discovery.

--
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 1:57pm.

Submitted by PYT on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 1:53pm

Um, if he is gay now he was gay then. It doesn't really work on a percentage sliding scale. Unless he is claiming to be bi-sexual but he still wouldn't be 60% straight and 40% gay.

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Submitted by Paquita on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 1:38pm.

Lisbet459 & M.E.

He used to say " I should've known" LOL. I never really asked why he thought of it. But they dated thru college and lived together after and got married. Had a girl together but divorced when she was only 3 yo.

It really got me thinking how could one have an affair (with men or women) when you have a baby girl at home and you stay out until 3 AM or later.

And even tho he wasn... below average, I have no complains in the sex department, he gave head AMAZINGLY. hehehe ( I know he was insecure for a while)

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!

Submitted by tonicbitch on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 1:33pm.

Lisbet, no not always. Sexuality is a complicated thing. Add in a bunch of factors like stigma/religion/family/possible past abuse/societal pressure and it can sometimes take people a really long time to sort out their orientation.

Submitted by Lisbet459 on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 1:29pm.

Submitted by Paquita on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 2:46pm.

I dated a guy who's wife had a lesbian affair.
which ended up on their divorce cause she needed to figure out if she was a lesbian or not.
=================

Srsly? People don't figure that out beforehand?

Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 1:27pm.

Submitted by Paquita on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 2:46pm.
I dated a guy who's wife had a lesbian affair.
which ended up on their divorce cause she needed to figure out if she was a lesbian or not.

They had a kid together.

This happens and is valid, although the other person can find it selfish and feel devasted, fo sho
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My husband would have paid to watch.

Submitted by Immodest Goddess on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 1:20pm.

Awww man. You spend 30 years with someone and you want to give her NOTHING?! Even if you personally think she deserved to get nothing what about the damage it'll do to your kids to see you being so mean to the woman you called wife their entire lives? I don't care if he's gay or not and I can see how he could have built that trap around him and stayed in it for so long but come on. None of the money is yours anyway. Do the divorce right and show your daughters how a real man conducts his business, regardless of who he sleeps with.

Submitted by Paquita on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 1:16pm.

I dated a guy who's wife had a lesbian affair.
which ended up on their divorce cause she needed to figure out if she was a lesbian or not.

They had a kid together.

This happens and is valid, although the other person can find it selfish and feel devasted, fo sho.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!

Submitted by Nanners on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 1:13pm.

Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 2:05pm.
To just dump her without a penny is cruel.
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Twinks cost $$$$$$$$$$$!
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What the fuck dude? And being European is NOT an excuse. - IHateCharityChic 05/10/2012

Submitted by Few Words on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 1:12pm.

hey dumb broad: your daddy liked your music. that shudda been a sign to ya.

☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.

Submitted by Bree on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 1:04pm.

Some people seem to think you're either always gay or always straight, so if someone who was married turns out to be gay then everything must've been a lie. What if that was what they liked for a while, now they're into something else? I just find sexuality so fluid, personally. If I dated a woman five years ago and date a man now, that doesn't mean I wasn't into her then.

Submitted by Lurker on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 1:02pm.

Also, why does he think he owes her nothing financially? If you're married, you're married, PERIOD. Whether or not you're sexually attracted to your partner is a totally moot point. He had better pay up!

If a gay couple split after 30+ years and raising children, I would still expect the "bread winner" to pay the "homemaker" for sacrificing their time, youth, education, and potential income. It doesn't matter what gender or sexual preferences either has.