Hot Slut Of The Day!

Lizzie the Godzilla-like lizard from Rampage the video game!

I was always shit at video games, but I grew up in the 80s and 90s and that’s just what you did back then: play video games for days straight. You’d play before school, you’d play after school and you’d snort crushed caffeine pills so you could play all night. You’d sit on the berber carpet in your living room and let your skin grow around the controller as you played non-stop. The only exercise you’d get is from lifting your leg up or jumping up real quick whenever your video game bitch would almost die. Anyway, the only game I was really good at was Rampage, because that shit was easy. You’d pick a monster (King Kong, Lizzie or Kardashian) and then smash buildings, stomp on cars, squeeze the life out of hos and punch helicopters. Sort of like being Chris Brown for the day.

The best monster to play was Lizzie, because she’d grab onto dudes and it was the closest I’d ever get to giving a hand job (actually, it still is). Whenever you’d lose and Lizzie would get shot up by the police, she’d turn back into her human form, which was a nekkid ass nekkid blonde who covered her pixelated poon with her arms. That was always my favorite part and now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure Rampage told the story of how Courtney Stodden came to be.