Vivienne Jolie-Pitt was the clear frontrunner for the Best Act of Nepotism award at next year’s Oscars, but now she’s getting some competition from her fellow child army members, Zahara and Pax. Vivi Jolie-Pitt is playing a young Elle Fanning in Disney’s Maleficent, and UsWeekly says that both Zahara and Pax also got to sashay past the peon children in the open call line, because they got roles too.
Some source says that Zahara and Pax both shot small parts in the movie and although they don’t say any lines, Zahara will say everything she needs to say by busting out her signature up-eye of destruction. If Maleficent was nothing but 2 hours of Zahara giving us the up-eye in 3D IMAX, I’d probably pay $22 for that shit. Shiloh was also supposed to be in it, but on the day of shooting, she was bored, over it and not in the mood to make her long-awaited return to acting, so her look-alike Brad Pitt had to get on his knees to film her role for her.
When I was a kid, my sister and I used to make our own movies in the busted down wooden shack in our backyard using my mom’s VHS camera, so the Jolie-Pitt kids are totally like us! But instead of using their mom’s VHS camera, they used a 90 member crew and state-of-the-art equipment worth millions of dollars. And instead of filming it in the busted down wooden shack in their backyard, they filmed it on a set that took the crew four months to build. Just like us!
And I’m sure Maddox was offered a lead role a long time ago, but he can’t be bothered with trivial crap like this. Maddox is letting the little ones have their cute time in the spotlight while he’s off busy doing more important things like monitoring the hidden Beanie Baby cam he hid in Jennifer Aniston’s play time nursery. Maddox wants to be watching when Jennifer Aniston closely examines her 500-carat diamond engagement ring and finds the words “This ring is really uncool, Jen” engraved in Khmer on the inside of the band.