Justin Bieber Is A Peen Implant-Having Credit Card Thief

Us Americans should really be thankful to live in a country where a mentally insane motherfucker can go to any court and file the crazed ramblings they wrote on the stained bed sheets in their room at the mental hospital. USA! TMZ says that a man from Michigan, who says he's Selena Gomez's biological father, is suing Justin Bieber for all kind so fuckery including boning a baby into "his daughter" on his Canadian bear rug and stealing his AMEX to buy a bigger dick. It gets better. TMZ read the entire masterpiece of a lawsuit and pulled out these shards of glitter from it:

-"Bieber has cost me $426.78 and never paid me back. This money was used as abortion money because Justin Bieber got my daughter Selena pregnant in my bedroom, on my canadian bear rug."

- "Usher Raymond came to my house on the forth of july 2012 and sodomized me with a firework and lit it inside my anal area while blaring kate perry [sic] firework song in my ear drums."

- "[Bieber] gave selena a std and Bieber stole my credit card to buy him and sean p-ditty [sic] combs cocaine to use in drug free school zones."

- "Bieber also got a penis enlargement with my stolen american express card. "

Yes, it's impossible for Bieber to get a penis enlargement since he has a crotch like a Cabbage Patch Doll, but I'm still going to choose to believe all of this, because it's the only way. And I'm also going to file my own lawsuit against Usher for copyright infringement, because that's how I celebrate Fourth of July every year.

Posted by: Michael K

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Justin Bieber • Made Of 100% Truthiness

Submitted by britmachine on Tue, 10/23/2012 - 3:02pm.

Yoohoo Michael K.... What about the Tila Tequila story....

Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 10/23/2012 - 3:02pm.

Just LMFAO @ this entire story.

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO MAKE A BABY BY RUBBING TWO VAGINAS TOGETHER! <---FACT!

Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 10/23/2012 - 3:01pm.

Hahaha at leaking these stories to make the BeaverLez more of a man. Please girl, Selena has more bulge in her mons pubis than you, let alone baby-making batter! lol #Scissoring #The-L-Word

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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by winniwins on Tue, 10/23/2012 - 2:56pm.

I call B.S. No way does he have a Canadian bear rug. Those bears carry the Ginger Gene btw. Everything else..... totally plausible.

Submitted by FrappenBloat on Tue, 10/23/2012 - 2:54pm.

I love it when I'm reading MK's blog and i have to turn away and LOL with eyes closed. That's always a good day!!

Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Tue, 10/23/2012 - 2:48pm.

LMAO. Finally a story I sent MK posted! However, I am guessing a ton of people did too cause no credit :)

The Usher part is especially hilarious.

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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012

Submitted by how dare you on Tue, 10/23/2012 - 2:47pm.

What I want to know is, did the baby-making on the Canadian bear rug happen before or after the dick transplant? Did Selena's dad say "no" to Usher's firecracker? Who paid for the fireworks?

´¨¨) -:¦:-
¸.•´ .•´¨¨)
(¸¸.•´ ..•´ but what do I know?-:¦:-
-:¦:- (¸¸.•´*

Submitted by annobanano on Tue, 10/23/2012 - 2:46pm.

I'd be more upset with the Katy Perry ear sodomization

Submitted by mike on Tue, 10/23/2012 - 2:44pm.

At least he got a good deal on the abortion.

Submitted by tojo on Tue, 10/23/2012 - 2:44pm.

Love the "Made of 100% Truthiness" tag lmao...

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...the end

Submitted by suckandfuck on Tue, 10/23/2012 - 2:43pm.

"- "Usher Raymond came to my house on the forth of july 2012 and sodomized me with a firework and lit it inside my anal area while blaring kate perry [sic] firework song in my ear drums."

ollolo HONEY!!

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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.