Presenting The Real Star Of The Carousel Of Hope Ball

October 22, 2012 / Posted by:

While is using their bandwidth on ho collector George Clooney and Stacy Keibler, I’m sitting here wondering why all the attention is not going to the real and most important star of Saturday night’s Carousel of Hope Ball: JOAN VAN ARK!

Stacy Keibler might have a team of stylists paid for by George who put her body in the finest (and ugliest) designer gown and she might have a team of hair people paid for by George (Note: In case you haven’t noticed, “Paid for By George” is the current tagline for Stacy’s life) who use the finest products to style her hair into that of a 60-something socialite circa 1968, but she doesn’t look 1/100th as glamorous as Joan Van Ark does and Joan does it all herself!

Yes, Joan picked out that white wedding dress herself at a David’s Bridal clearance sale and then dyed it the color of the tears her haters cry out when they see her looking more beautiful than them. Yes, Joan torched her own brows so they look like two strips of delicious creme brulee. Yes, Joan sandpainted her own face. Joan did it all herself. It’s times that like this when I’m sad to live in a world where Stacy Keibler’s basic ass is getting more attention than the goddess that is Joan Van Ark. This world ain’t right.

Oh, and because some of you ain’t right, I also threw in pictures of Stacy with George Clooney (aka the man slut carousel of hos) at the Carousel of Hope Ball in Beverly Hills.

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