The Triumphant Return Of Heidi Montag
I know you can't resist the urge, so I'll wait here as you throw a sugar cub at the screen.
One time when I went horseback riding in Ensenada, Mexico, one of the tourists riding next to me said something super cheesy like, "A horse is an angel without wings." I never agreed with saying until I saw these pictures of the ethereal Heidi Montag making a comeback to the spotlight the way all A-list superstars make a comeback to the spotlight: by hosting an anniversary party for a Las Vegas strip club.
Ever since Heidi Montag's Emmy-winning reality show Famous Food ended last year, I'm sure you've been wondering what she and her mutant tampon of a husband have been up to (no, you haven't). Well, most of us figured that she's been keeping busy by working the 7am to 11am shift on Mondays and Wednesdays at the Spearmint Rhino strip club in City of Industry, CA, but nope. The real-life Tawny Horse tells UsWeekly that she's been keeping busy by working out, helping Spencer Pratt get his poly-sci degree from USC (????) and working on her memoirs. The part of Heidi's brain that knew how to read and write was lipo'ed out by her plastic surgeon (RIP!), because fat brains are gross (ewww!), so she's writing her memoirs in stick figure form only. It could take a while.
Since Heidi and Spencer wasted all the millions they made on dumb as shit decisions, they're currently living in his parent's house. On Friday nights, Heidi is usually cleaning the toilets and windows in the Pratt house in exchange for room and board, but they gave her the night off so she could make a long-awaited appearance at the Las Vegas strip club named after her, Crazy Horse III.
Thank the plastic Gods for that, because look at all the equine elegance she served up.
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It's weird...the plastic surgery made her look so perfect, she's plain now.
And I'm in the camp of not hating so much. She fucked up. But her husband is in school (though poly sci is worthless) and she's taking jobs where she can. In other words...she's acting like a normal human being who made a mistake. It takes a lot of humility to get back up after fucking up and blowing millions on crap instead of things like a house. Most people go the Lohan route. Going off the deep end is the more interesting, but easier thing to do. Doing the best you can though you know you'll be ridiculed, is much harder. And she does look like she's been working out.
I HATED her as much as I hate Hohan when she was in the public eye, but now that she's not famous, I find her too sad to hate. She looks waxy and bloated and dead in the eyes. Her tits don't fit her body. The surgery aged her 15 years. She lives with her in-laws.
Whoever brought up the murder/suicide theory is right on the mark. I really can't believe it hasn't happend yet.
Her hair looks like a horse's tail. Dead eyes. Soulless. Hooker Barbie.
Still flaunting those ridiculous knockers. smh
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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
it's really such a shame
she spent so much money
to look so lame
Didn't this chick get her ears pinned back as part of her huge makeover? What in Frankenstein hell happened to them if all we see is her hair being worn down since the surgery?
She looks stoned or tranq'ed and bloated as hell. As happy as she normally looks to be slutty, she doesn't seem to be her usually thrusty, vulgar self.
French tips on toes = EPIC fail.
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"Somewhere, Jennifer Love Hewitt is vagazzling the words "FUCK MY LIFE" onto her crotch while deep throating a Pillsbury cookie dough roll".--MK
She is plain.
Sarah Smile
Oh God, the fingernails.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
I actually like her new jawline. But again, I am partial to square jaws. The fake rack looks ridiculous however.
Her face is unfortunate but the worst thing is the easiest one to fix: those breasts. They're obviously too big for her body and it actually ruins her figure. Reduce those already, easy fix. Now the whole square jaw face is a problem but at this point she should be thankful that it's settled in a bit (oh gosh remember when she was on the Hills immediately after it was done? ahhhh).
Careful Heidi....you don't want your face to get stuck like that!
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Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.
"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."
she has the retired MILF porn star look down.
Submitted by pfhobson on Sun, 10/21/2012 - 12:13pm.
Mein Gott, das es ein sphinctor clenchin.
Please don't butcher my language with Google translate.
Mein Gott, das es ein sphinctor clenchin.
I can remember digging through an old toy box and finding an old Barbie. Heidi looks like that. And like someone who only smiles for the camera.
'circus tits' - good one tiger
I hate her, but I really hate Spencer Twat. A friend of mine worked on their wedding and said he was a douche.
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"She's Black & I'm Gay--- we create culture."
Guten Tag, Frau Heidi. Ihre mädchen - Nincom & Poop - sind wirklich groß!
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Say what you will but their marriage is outlasting a lot of Hollywood couples. Must be love.
Ehh. She looks heavier & she looks like she needs a makeover. Not the right (or enough) makeup or color for her skin tone and that hair color washes her out even more on top of that bland makeup choice. The clothing is not flattering and the heels not high enough. Basically she needs a stylist.
An example of someone who looked far better before her unnecessary plastic surgeries. Heidi was really cute before the cut herself up. Now, her face has no character or life in it. Chasing a ghost leaves you with nothing to hold.
Eloquently put. Word.
"This world is a whore."
She's unrecognizable. Creepy.
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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
Spencer has been working on that Political Science degree from USC for the better part of the last decade. Just how long does it take to get a diploma these days? He was talking about that ambition when The Hills still had Lauren as the narrator. Speidi are lifeless souls that are so far off the deep end. I'm surprised they are still breathing. I would have thought one of them would have OD'd or had a murder/suicide situation by now. It's not even funny. It's sad.
For having had so much work done to her face she doesn't look too weird, but she looks soooo much older than her age.
Submitted by michmash on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 9:39pm.
She doesn't even look like herself anymore. I can't believe how she destroyed her face. And those tits...
Yes those tits...and speaking of tits fun movie to watch at this time of year Dark Shadows. I know, I know but let's just say I laughed a few times.
Eva Green...that is all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obcgJTqeiOQ
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Plastic surgery destroys all uniqueness in your face al these whores botoxed and injected to a state of mannequin hood is so not the,look....she disgusts me, but I would still take them over anything Whoretrashian related
Submitted by P.T.Bull on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 9:05pm.
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The picture repelled me at first (LOL!) but knowing her audience was treated to the fromage cottage up close, is awesome! ;D
@Tigerlilly, "circus tits" HAHAHA her husband is Curly Fug McFuggerson too!
#Beautifulest tag, lmao.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░
Can't find the post, but somebody asked if the folks who made the backboard had the rights to use the godfather font. I recall reading that fonts cannot be copyrighted, but I could be wrong. Good eye, in either case.
dead eyes, like a truck stop hooker who's accepted that her life is shit and just wants to give a couple more bj's so she can get to her trailer to smoke her pipe and call it a day.
My problem with Heidi was never her looks but more with the audacity that the world should have to pay her and Spencer money just because they had the balls to be the biggest fame whores with no real talent.
............................................
This story reminds me of LaToya Jackson, who married a dumbass douche & ended up being a host of some soft core porn/strip show on TV. Heidi's obviously heading that way as well. Too bad for spencer the asshat, who's getting a degree at USC (where all the dumbass douches go) that not only be useless in the real world, but which'll cost him hundreds of thousands of dollars to obtain. Way to use the old noodle, dumbass!
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"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
Higher may have been awful, but Fashion was good.
Still have a soft spot for the Bionic Woman.
She doesn't even look like herself anymore. I can't believe how she destroyed her face. And those tits...
I do sort of miss reading blind items about them.
That backdrop is using the Godfather font... I wonder if they're doing it legally.
Sorry, Montag is just so PAINFULLY boring to me, I had to look elsewhere.
I know some of you whores think this bitch was cute before she got herself all chopped up and put back together but she wasn't. She was FUG but went too far on the de-fugging project for sure. Still, I'm sorry, it's an upgrade. She looks good now, minus the circus tits, even if she's 1 degree away from a Michael Jackson nose.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
What does someone like this do when they are 35? I think her parents are rich.
"Sugar cub" - Sugar Bear's offspring. ;)
Submitted by tonicbitch on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 5:34pm.
I love your avie. She was beautiful.
LOL! It was so horribly obscene, wasn't it, one of my better achievements in a forum where many are so creative with their avatars. And to think thousands of people paid lots of money to look at caca's dimpled butt during one of her shows.
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Submitted by WithinReason... on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 8:37pm.
@P.T.Bull, you sound like a whole new person without Lady CaCa's ass in your pic
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PS. To my eyes, heidi is barely able to conceal her thousand yard stare. Either she is very sad inside or is thorazined out of her mind.
Maybe her face is no longer capable of expressing sadness due to nerve damage from cosmetic surgery and botox. So the eyes are doing all the talking.
Submitted by CashewTime on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 4:59pm.
Submitted by Secret Original on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 4:54pm
I'm the opposite. I think she doesn't know is why I have sympathy. I think her hubby brainwashed her soul dead. If she knew, then I would expect her to go to school herself.
I sort of feel a bit sorry for her as well, though I hope we don't see many posts about her and that piece of shit "husband."
She's made some big mistakes when she was really young and maybe even ignorant. It's a bit like Ron White says...."you can't fix stupid" and I think she might be. and you can't help that either.
Lalamaria, what happened to your hot Mikkelsen avie? lol
@P.T.Bull, you sound like a whole new person without Lady CaCa's ass in your pic, hahaah Heidi looks more her age now, I'll give her that. Right after the surgery, she looked older than Sharon Stone, how dumb!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░
It's interesting. After all that surgery she doesn't even look that much different than her original self, maybe shinier. [outside of the chest situation.] Definately looks older than her years. I still can't get over the term "back scoop" that I might not have heard of if it wasn't for her.
Say something nice, saysomethingnice! Well, she's certainly dressed appropriately!
wait...memoir? what kind of memoir can she have at 26?
What has she done that would be interesting enough to fill a book?
Did I miss something other than some sensationalized relationship with a loser and 575857 surgeries?
*grabs JulzNo1Zero and heads down to the Rhino to find MK*
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
She actually looks like a drag queen sans fard.