Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 20, 2012 / Posted by:

Big Tex, the Texas icon whose soul went up in flames, turned to smoke and rose up to the great big State Fair in the sky yesterday. Usually, a HSOTD shouldn’t be dead, deceased and skeletonized, but I’m making an exception this time, because: a) millions of Texas childhoods are nothing but a pile of ashes now and; b) Big Tex is rising from the dead next year and he’ll be bigger (due to the penis enlargement) and better (due to the pectoral implants) than ever!

“For why does it smell like a dozen Real Housewives lying under a dozen tanning beds?” is what hundreds of thousand Dallasites asked themselves yesterday when the air had the strong scent of burnt plastic and charbroiled synthetic fibers. Big Tex has been the official greeter of the Texas State Fair in Dallas since 1952 and yesterday the bitch went up in flames. State Fair officials tell Dallas News that they’re blaming the torching of Big Tex on an “electrical short” in his boot, but other witnesses say they saw Big Ang stomping away with an empty jug of gasoline in her hand and screaming about how she wants to be the only big plastic man in America and nothing’s going to stop her!

There were nothing the firefighters could do to save Big Tex and he was done in 10 minutes. Dozens of people watched and cried out real tears, because there was a giant thing frying in front of them and they couldn’t dip it in hot sauce and eat it. But Big Tex will be back with a new plastic face and a new pair of Dickey’s for the start of the fair next year.

This is the saddest story about a flaming cowboy ever since Kenny Chesney announced that his marriage to Renee Zellweger was ending after only four months. Until Big Tex rises again, we’ll just have to remember him with this picture of him rimming a construction worker.

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