Michael Lohan Tried To Get Lindsay Lohan Into Rehab Today, It Didn’t Work

October 19, 2012 / Posted by:

Lindsay Lohan didn’t show up to work the other day and most of us snorted out a “meh,” because the empty Jack Daniels bottle in her head doesn’t have a grasp on time even though she has all those stolen watches lying around her house. But LiLo blowing off her job (no “Her Job” is not her nickname’s dealer) worried Michael Lohan so much that he tried to stage an intervention today. Michael obviously didn’t get the message that he’s dead to LiLo as the sense of feeling is dead to White Oprah’s nostrils.

TMZ says that Michael Lohan and his band of Captain Save-A-Hos knocked on the door of LiLo’s house in Beverly Hills today, because he thinks she’s on the bad shit again and wants to get her into Betty Ford. Some dude claiming to be LiLo’s boyfriend (who looks like this) answered the door and told all of them to go away. When Michael refused to crawl back up into his ass, LiLo called the cops to report a trespasser. You think that by now, every police department in the country would forward every call from a Lohan to The National We Don’t Give Two Effs Hotline, but they don’t. The cops showed up and told Michael to go away. But before he went away, Michael called up Radar to say this:

“Lindsay needs help. She’s around all the wrong people. I’m not going to stand for this anymore. She has to get better. I’m not going to watch my daughter die. A lot of people tried to stage the intervention with me. She is dating a guy named Josh Chunn and he told me, ‘I feel the same way you do. I can’t take it. They’re destroying her life. Lindsay called the cops for trespassing but they opened the gates for us to come up… When we were leaving she threw Josh out and we picked him up in the car and he spilled the beans about everything she is doing. Her whole team has had it with her. All of them want to her to get treatment. I will keep putting pressure on her like I did before until she gets help. She is not going to get better without help and she needs treatment and help now.”

Oh yes, Michael Lohan cares about Lindsay Lohan so much that he calls TMZ and Radar to tell them how much he cares about Lindsay Lohan. Caring fathers do that. I think what Michael Lohan meant to say was, “I don’t want my daughter to die, because then who’s go to pay the rent on my condo?!”

Aren’t these Lohans exhausted from the non-stop messy, messy drama? They don’t even take one day of rest from the foolery. This is what happens when everybody in a family doesn’t have a job. They go to each other’s houses in the middle of the day to fight. They go to the clubs together on a weeknight to fight. People with jobs ain’t got time for that (copyright: Sweet Brown).

And you know who really needs an intervention? ME! I need an intervention for posting about the Lohans every damn day. Since LiLo isn’t going to Betty Ford, can I take her place?

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