We should all bow our heads and give thanks to the UK’s Closer for doing important work by slathering factual literary perfection on the pages of their magazine every week. If it wasn’t for Closer and The Daily Mail, we’d have to stuff our brains with crap from The New York Times. THE HORROR!
Before you go any further, you might want to clear the room of any pugs, because they might start eyeing your nipple like it’s a spigot of delicious fun. (If you want a pug to look at your nipple like that, then please close your laptop, get up, walk to the nearest police station and have a seat in the section marked “YOU NASTY PUG TONGUE-LOVING BITCH!”) Terri Graham of California opened up to Closer about how she opens up her nipple slit to her daughter’s pug all the time. For the past 2 years, Terri has been sticking her leche bag in Spider the pug’s mouth, because she loves it and it makes her feel complete. Terri knew Spider had a taste for tit milk when the pug licked the tip of a bottle she had pumped for her then newborn son. Most women would shoo that pug away if she started licking a baby bottle, but not Terri. Terri pulled her boob out, dabbed a little peanut butter-flavored nipple cream on her tit knob and let Spider gulp away. Spider’s hooked on Terri’s tit and Terri’s tit is hooked on Spider’s mouth:
“People may say I’m a freak, but having Spider suck on my boob means I finally feel complete and a better mother. Her tongue tickles and I do feel her teeth, but she latches on in a way that they don’t hurt me. I breastfeed Spider in front of the kids and they think it’s amazing.”
I know I should never question the journalistic integrity of Closer, but something in the milk ain’t pug slobber. If this story was true, wouldn’t Terri and Spider have their own show on TLC? The only thing TLC is missing is a show about lesbian bestiality.
And the NSFW version of that pic is after the cut. Cesar Milan, please try to keep your chonies on. GO!