Now You Too Can Be Turkey Basted With Some A-List Sperm
If you're looking for a baby chowder donor and the only thing you care about is if your donor has been in an episode of TOWIE or if he's done toe sex with Katie Price, then this is the sperm bank for you. Who cares about the donor's IQ! Who cares how tall the donor is! Who cares if the donor's dominant gene is the asshole gene! The only thing you should care about is if the donor's famous. Give us that celeb jizz!
The Sun points us to a new British sperm bank called Fame Daddy that's bragging about having over 40 famous sperm donors in their catalog. They say they have an Oscar-winner, a rock star, a footballer, an aristocrat and an Olympic gold medalist. For just £15,000, ladies can get shot up with sperm from a famous ho. There's even a quiz on the site that tells you who your dream fame daddy is (mine is Obama). Just like with any sperm bank, they won't tell your ass who's the owner of the A-list spunk and your kid can only find out after they turn 18 and only if the donor wants your kid to know. So for all you know, they could take your 15 thousand pounds and give you a turkey baster full of regular ole' peon cum. But you know, it'll be really easy to tell who your baby's famous daddy is:
If your baby has genital warts for eyes and is always draining your booze cabinet, its daddy is a cast member from Geordie Shore.
If your baby is always crashing its toy car into walls and feels most comfortable hanging out in public bathrooms, its daddy is George Michael.
If your baby snorts your breast milk instead of drinking it and is highly allergic to soap, its daddy is Pete Doherty.
Or if you really want to get knocked up by a "celebrity" and want to save yourself 15 thousand pounds, just hang out in the nearest McDonald's and wait for KFed to show up (it won't take long). After he eats their entire supply of McNuggets and fries, rub your coochie in the eatin' puddle of slobber he left on the table. BOOM! You're pregnant with KFed's baby and Brit Brit will have to pay you child support for the rest of your days. That's how it's done.
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Submitted by BaconSlut on Wed, 10/17/2012 - 7:26pm.
If your baby has a propensity towards beer and flies off of recreational vehicles while screaming "I got this!", its daddy is Jack! *ducks fast while grinning widely* (One of the best stories, evah, by the way.)
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Holy shit I can't believe you remember that!!!! LOL
yep3 - thank you, ma'am. ;)
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by WithinReason... on Thu, 10/18/2012 - 12:17am.
Submitted by loopygorilla on Thu, 10/18/2012 - 12:04am.
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YOU GOT JOHN MAYER!???! LMAO!!!! Et tu, Loopy? Quelle Whorreuer! ;D
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yep, when i chose the opposite of everything i wanted, i got john mayer.
seriously, if that happened in real life, id smile, brush my fringe back, look around, shrug and jump into a pool of piranhas.
id prefer to suffer a horrible death by piranhas than let a john mayer seed grow inside me *grosssssss im gonna vomit*
Oh! I just hope it's not true.
I hope this isn't true.. so those gold diggers can go get knocked up and claim the guy took advantage of her... you know someones gonna try that
Submitted by loopygorilla on Thu, 10/18/2012 - 12:04am.
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YOU GOT JOHN MAYER!???! LMAO!!!! Et tu, Loopy? Quelle Whorreuer! ;D
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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im done with this quiz, im going to the gym to find my future baby daddy.
Ok i re-iterated this quiz is FUCKED up as hell.
After choosing the opposite of everything I ever wanted in a baby daddy, i got John douchebag Mayer.
grosss, john mayer! gross, that means i gotta taste dick which has juice stains from:
- jennifer aniston
- jessica simpson
- taylor swift
- ke$hit
- vanessa "making my way down town" carlton
- jlove hewitt
- katy perry.
Submitted by bambam on Wed, 10/17/2012 - 11:57pm.
Bwahaha, loopy I've found you can pick anything you want but if you choose Usain Bolt you're gonna get Barack Obama for a daddy. That shit's racist! LOLS
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racist as hell! lol
Survey taken twice. Once, fairy soon after I took a mind-numbing allergy tablet, and after that wore off, a mug of butt-hair burning chili. Still Bono. It's a beautiful day... ;)
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beckham again! fuck that. this quiz is fucked up.
Bwahaha, loopy I've found you can pick anything you want but if you choose Usain Bolt you're gonna get Barack Obama for a daddy. That shit's racist! LOLS
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You smell kinda pretty. Wanna smell me?
Submitted by Wee Willie Winkie on Wed, 10/17/2012 - 7:23pm.
I tried twice and got:
Tom Daley - body of a Greek God, face of a sixth grader
Zac Efron - nice body, oddly sexless
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i can see a pattern, lol you like the baby face types with hot bodies.
WTFF!! is this quiz British-skewed?? I just got David Beckham.
i dont want a minnie mouse voice baby daddy with a body of a stick bug with a wandering dick.
so thats bono, prince william and david beckham.
clearly the quiz is telling me i should go for british men? if thats the case... WHERE THE FUCK IS DAVID GANDY?!
OMG now i got Prince william... WTF
how do i keep getting pompous baby daddies.... I want my baby daddy to be a hot fit tall muscular sports guy who is articulate, intelligent, funny! not Bono or a baldy prince william! hells...
im doing this quiz one more time!
GROSSSSSSS I got Bono WTF!!
im not letting Bono's nut seed inside me. Id rather get stung by a thousand bees.
Got Ryan Gosling. Not my type AT ALL. Took again, got Bono. Almost died. Met him last year at a lounge in Dublin. Most down to earth guy. I am his biggest fan, call me lame, call me stuck in the 80-90s, I don't care. The man has it going on. You know it when you see him.
I got Prince Carl Phillip of Sweden.
At first I was thrilled cause I thought I had gotten Prince.
Oh geeze...Obama...£15,000 wasted, and I'd have to have an abortion...
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Trust me, no celeb I would want to impregnate me would be willing to sell his spermies. The ones who would aren't the ones anyone would wanna baby with.
Oh, and if your baby screams in horror as it exits your vagina, then leaps around on the hospital bed with a huge manic grin… it's TC's, probably sold by one of his rent boys.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
All these fools thinking they are going to get Hugh Jackman sperm, when in reality they will get a load of Foofy Foofy.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
I don't know if I could do a turkey baster sitch. I gotta SMELL my man. Hmmm'mmmm. You ain't matin' with my ass until I SMELL your situation.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Prince William for mine. Ha!
I wonder how many unsuspecting British couples end up with the half-Japanese progeny of Formula 1 driver Kamui Kobayashi.
If your baby has a propensity towards beer and flies off of recreational vehicles while screaming "I got this!", its daddy is Jack! *ducks fast while grinning widely* (One of the best stories, evah, by the way.)
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I tried twice and got:
Tom Daley - body of a Greek God, face of a sixth grader
Zac Efron - nice body, oddly sexless
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sam: So, was it love or just...with Freddie?
Jjaks: Fuck off.
Sam: A good blowjob feels like love every time, right?
The first time I got Tom Daley and had to Google him - nice body with the face of a twelve-year-old. The second time I got Zac Efron. Neither is my type, so eh.
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Sam: So, was it love or just...with Freddie?
Jjaks: Fuck off.
Sam: A good blowjob feels like love every time, right?
Bambam
Deal
I rather have a good time than put a turkey baster ughhh
But I probably don't wanna get knocked up
Jack
Ill give you one bottle of jack daniels, just cause you a good daddy ;p
I got Krishnan Guru-Murthy. Off to google him...
ETA: Works for me...
This is hilarious! LOL I didn't know job descriptions could be transferred via genes!! That's science for you, and for only £15,000!? Are they looking for any more profile writers? HAHAHA
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░
What an unbelievable scam. Uggh.
I took it again for shits and giggles and answered totally randomly and I got the ex Mrs. Hurley - Arun Nayer.
ha i got Becks!
What the hell are you bishes doing that you're all getting Obama? I've done this quiz like 15 times now (shut it) and no Obammers.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 10/17/2012 - 5:27pm.
"spastic tendencies, stocky build, blood shot eyes, finely slicked side hair that wraps beautifully across bald head, extremely short and in need of anger management."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
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You smell kinda pretty. Wanna smell me?
These bitches got it all wrong. You get knocked up with celeb sperms so YOU get paid. Idiots.
Submitted by bambam on Wed, 10/17/2012 - 5:02pm.
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At first I thought we were selling the same thing been then you said you were tall...
For just $9.95 I can send you day old All Arkansan sperm fresh frozen in a state of the art Igloo cooler. That's right, for five payments of $1.99 you will receive via regular fucking mail a ziploc bag full of fresh somewhat cool sperm featuring these exciting traits;
A mixture of Irish, German and Redneck dna with superior Googling abilities (no shit), spastic tendencies, stocky build, blood shot eyes, finely slicked side hair that wraps beautifully across bald head, extremely short and in need of anger management.
All you need to do is send five payments along with pictures of your tits, for purposes of of whackin off. No need to hurry, I got plenty. Get the good shit today! ;)
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by yepyepyep on Wed, 10/17/2012 - 5:14pm.
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Hey I don't come cheap. Top shelf only baby, none a that rail shit.
AND FULLY LOADED NACHOS!!! Those are my terms.
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You smell kinda pretty. Wanna smell me?
Got Obama, too, but I could go for Bono or the Duke of Cambridge.
Submitted by bambam on Wed, 10/17/2012 - 5:02pm.
:)
I got Bono too (booooo I wanted prince Harry)
and I had to google half the questions.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
For just $29.95 I can send you grade A All American sperm fresh frozen in a state of the art Kenmoore freezer. That's right, for four payments of $29.95 you will recieve via overnight express mail a hermetically sealed container holding 3 ice cubes of fresh frozen sperm featuring these exciting traits;
A mixture of Irish, African American and Native Indian dna with above average intelligence (shut it), artistic tendencies, athletic build, copper brown eyes, finely graded hair, above average height and even temperament.
All you need to do is send four payments along with four sets of explicit, suggestive (but clinical) pictures of yourself, for purposes of potency and quantity. Hurry, quantities are limited. Get your order in today! ;)
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You smell kinda pretty. Wanna smell me?
Um how about we get drunk and then get laid
The frozen sperm sounds gross
I got Bono too
Booo
I also didn't understant half the questions
Oh well if I'm getting preggo from a famous person they are going to be paying ME. Babies aint cheap
So the actor profile says Oscar Winner age 25 to 30 and I thought, oh, that will be easy to figure out who it allegedly is. But there is not a single Oscar winner who is a male actor that is alive right now who is 30 or under and further more, the only two that were under 30 in recent years were Adrien Brody, who was 29 when he won and is now in his late 30's, and Heath Ledger, who is very very dead.
As for the rock star, if this a UK celebrity, there is no one with 40 million that is 30 to 35 on the list of UK's wealthiest rock stars, which ranges from about 10 million fortune to 750 million. The closest would probably be one of the brothers from Oasis.
Jitness - yes, she is a shell. She done snorted so much meth and god knows what else, she went kray kray and her brainz are scrambled eggs now.
I got Bono too and I hate him. BOOOOOOOO
I didn't even understand half of what the questions were asking. WTF?
The comments here are the best.
Do you get a "menu" after you pay your £1500? I'd like to see who they have on tap. If they had a really great list, wouldn't they market it?
Also, as other people have said, there's no guarantee you're going to get anything special. Genetics, environment, you never know...
+1 for Obama
I took the quiz & got Bono.
Gotcha M.E. :)
Sorry for the confusion. Honestly I don't give her much thought but when I see most pictures of her out and about...she just seems like a shell of a human being.
It's sad. But hey, that's what happens when you play with fire.