Megan Fox Is Somebody’s Mom
No, Brian Austin Green’s nostrils aren’t inhaling two servings of Megan Fox’s pregnancy farts. Brian Austin Green’s facial expression dial is permanently stuck on “Snarling Bulldog.”
The world’s most prolific philosopher and Forever David Silver To Me never opened up their mouths to say that he put a Silver Baby in her Fox Womb, but they basically confirmed it with some completely natural and not-at-all staged pictures that weren’t taken in front of a “tropical landscape” background at a Sears Portrait Studio. If anything, those pictures were TOO natural.
Well, when it came time for Brian Austin Green to lure his Silver Fox baby out of Megan Fox’s uterus by singing an a capella version of “You’re So Precious To Me,” I didn’t think they’d announce it since they are so private and all (insert rolling of eye here). I figured they’d just do what my 14-year-old cousin did. One day she told me she was just getting fat and the next day she had a newborn baby in her arms and I was like, OK! Megan didn’t do that. Megan went on Facebook (via USWeekly) today to announce the birth of her first son and Brian Austin Green’s second son.
We have been very lucky to have had a peaceful few weeks at home, but I would like to release this myself before others do. I gave birth to our son Noah Shannon Green on September 27th. He is healthy, happy, and perfect.
We are humbled to have the opportunity to call ourselves the parents of this beautiful soul and I am forever grateful to God for allowing me to know this kind of boundless, immaculate love.
Thanks to those of you who wish to send your positive energy and well wishes. May God bless you and your families abundantly.
Noah Shannon Green is lucky for 3 reasons:
1. Noah Shannon Green will have biceps on his eyes from constantly rolling his seeing balls while his mom mouth shits out her usual words of wisdom.
2. If Noah Shannon Green wants to be the star player of his Irish church’s golf league, he already has the name for it.
3. Noah Shannon Green will inherit all of his father’s hottest ensembles from the 90s. I hope Little NSG wears ensemble #6 to his first day at Harvard. (NSG’s mother is the smartest woman in the world so he’s skipping grade, junior and high school and going directly to graduate school!)