Jennifer Aniston And Her Leather Nips Get Teary About Being Engaged To A Human Man
Since Jennifer Aniston and Chelsea Handler regularly party in Mexico together and pass out side-by-side in a puddle of barfed up tequila worms, tortilla chip crumbs and drops of the clear leather shoe polish Chelsea smears on her face to stay glowing, the former was the first guest on the latter's revamped talk show last night. Jennifer Aniston was on there to promote Jennifer Aniston and to also remind us all that Justin Theroux, a human man who breathes oxygen and is not made out of cardboard, "gave her" a 4500-carat diamond ring that she already owned and always kept on her hard nipple knob just in case he was in the mood to propose (aka drank the roofied beer she gave him and didn't put up a fight when she made his hand sign his name on an engagement contract).
Chelsea, who was wearing one of Tootsie's old dresses, said something like, "So you got engaged." Then just like she had practiced all day in front of a three-way mirror, Aniston did a 1... 2... 3... SCRUNCH FACE TO PULL THEM GLYCERIN TEARS OUT 5... 6... 7... FLASH THAT RING BY FANNING THOSE TEARS... That shit was more staged and choreographed than Paul Ryan's soup kitchen visit.
Chelsea then told Jen that Justin is the greatest guy ever and they make the greatest couple ever. I felt like I was sitting on a plastic bench in the quad and chewing on a square slice of pizza while trying not to roll my eyeballs off, because they looked like two high school sophomores slobbering about their boyfriends.
Even though Jennifer Aniston gave the stunt queen performance of her life, I am disappointed in her. I mean, not once did she say that she was so happy she cried out a million tears of happiness and the only way she can quench her tear ducts is by downing a bottle of Smart Water. (*holds up bottle of Smart Water to her face while flashing a smile at the camera*) Actually, Jennifer Aniston's tears probably ARE Smart Water and I bet that ring was made with Smart Water. I stand corrected. Well played, Aniston.
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Submitted by salacious on Wed, 10/17/2012 - 12:32am.
RIGHT ON!!!
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"That shit was more staged and choreographed than Paul Ryan's soup kitchen visit."- MK, 10/16/12
so she goes on tv to do a post-engagement interview with her best friend, sheds fake tears when her fiance is mentioned, and the two of them openly fawn over how justin is the greatest ever, and they are the greatest couple ever, blah blah blah. this means she can't complain about lack of privacy, right? this bitch!
Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 11:58am.
It's a bit annoying but I'll give her a pass, only because I remember how Brangelina completely burned and humiliated her when they first came out as a couple. At the time Angelina was considered the sexiest, most beautiful, most humanitarian woman alive, and she gleefully threw her (fake) perfect image in Jen's face. I was never a Jen fan, but even I was like "Ouch, girl." If I was her, I'd probably be so afraid of ever getting romantically involved again, and ever making it public again, but eh, these are actors we're talking about.
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AGREED 100%
She has finally lost me as a defender. Why must she forever and ever always in public view when Brad Pitt is out promoting product? I don't get it. Is this seriously supposed to be good PR for her.
That interview was shameless. She has officially given up on her movie stardom dream and settled in to be the new Kathie Lee Gifford!
will do.
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You smell kinda pretty. Wanna smell me?
LMAO. Great post MK. Dlisted is neutral when it comes to the Triangle, and MK spares no bullets when any of them deserve it. Good for her that everything seems to be working out.
I don't understand the arguments. MK has said stuff about her for years and it's always funny and it's clear that he likes her. If she can poke fun at herself, then her fans should lighten up too.
We laugh at stuff like this because it's MK but I've seen that most of us sympathize with Aniston and refuse to understand the hatred that comes from loons or their praises for a couple of whores like Brangelina. We simply see them for who they really are and we don't have a main bully dictating us what to say or think about them.
Loons have called Dlisted a hater site countless times. Then again, when they post their vitriolic shit against Aniston over here, it won't get deleted or moderated, which is what happens at JJ when someone dares insult their precious idols.
After talking shit about this site and MK for so long, today those hypocrites find themselves laughing with MK's prose and quoting it non-stop. Funny how the tables turn, no?
PS: Oh Jen, I've been mesmerized by your rock hard nips (harder than your abs anyway) since 1996. And we all know they have a career of her own. >D
What the hell do you mean by swoooon, Jack? Explain that shit!
How'd the weekend go? Did you smoke any ribs?
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You smell kinda pretty. Wanna smell me?
Lmao bam-a-lam-a-ding-dong! Go to yestdays open post I put ti there. Too tired to retype BUT I loved your recipe suggestipns.
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by NoneeFriend on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 11:16pm.
*SWOOOOOOON*
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by IHateCharityChic on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 4:20pm.
Submitted by stefystef on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 3:58pm.
I don't hate on Aniston. Actually, I don't think much of her. Never a fan of Friends, never felt she added anything to any movie she starred in (easily replaceable by any other actress).
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Then please explain why you post 50 comments on EVERY fucking Aniston article. Why not move on to someone who actually interests you?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
OK, here's the thing, IHCC...nobody owes you a fucking explanation. So sit down and SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Submitted by CashewTime on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 2:05pm.
ME's marriage is her business.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Well, she's done a DAMN FINE JOB of shoving it in dlisters faces for as long as I can remember.
Submitted by Edna -E- Mode on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 6:08pm.
i want to see a real upclose view of JAs ring; it looks to me from those blurry long distance photos like its a setting a la Princess Diana's ring;
a center stone totally encircled with a lot of 'large' round diamonds.
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That's what I thought too. I haven't seen any prongs around the stone in any of the side views and from the different front views (as blurry as they are), the edges look bumpy and refract light differently, like there are other stones around the center stone.
Submitted by dbella on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 12:55pm.
^^^^^^^
Nicely said.
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"Physical violence is the least of my priorities." - Drunken Albertan
Whatever. Can she do something interesting and unexpected JUST ONCE? She's as boring as Brangelina.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by Edna -E- Mode on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 6:08pm.
If you do a search on his name at the top right it will bring up posts MK has done about him but will also bring up threads he commented in...
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
very well stated to : Submitted by dbella on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 12:55pm.
James Haven! some one mentioned him upthread ; i miss him so. i wish i had the presence of mind (and energy) to copy/save all his wonderful comments over the years :)
i want to see a real upclose view of JAs ring; it looks to me from those blurry long distance photos like its a setting a la Princess Diana's ring;
a center stone totally encircled with a lot of 'large' round diamonds.
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"I (almost) never look back, darling. It distracts from The Now."
= Edna 'E' Mode
Michelle Pfeiffer is a beautiful woman. Nicole Kidman and CZJ were beautiful women before they messed up their faces. Aniston is average, but has the time and money to look good. She must spend hours every day on it.
Ugh, the Aniston fanatics are way worse than the "Brangeloonies". First comment already mentioned them when it wasn't necessary.
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 5:04pm.
I think that's what it was, I watched it marathon style. I'm just at the point where they "found" the little girl. You keep wanting to watch to see how they get out of all this! Or what happens to mankind.
I can't believe I just typed that.
(I also want to know wth that CDC guy whispered in his ear.)
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
M.E.!!! Muah!
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I'm your huckleberry...
mefungirl - The Walking Dead. I made it two seasons of not giving one fuck about it, then the marathon this weekend prepping for the Season 3 premiere and I am HOOKED. LOVE IT!
stefystef
Wow, you certainly have a lot of "personal, first hand" information about someone you claim to not care about..... Unless of course you're lying about the information you have, or lying about the amount of feelings you have about Jenaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Check it before you wreck it gurl! You're lie telling either way. not that I care of course. Right?
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I'm your huckleberry...
Good luck to her. Maybe it'll work out.
mefunigirl, I did not have high hopes for the Walking Dead when my roommates made me start watching it last year during a TWD marathon. I'm not really into zombies. But then I sat down and watched a few episodes and it is REALLY addictive, and for the most part, well acted.
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Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.
"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."
Wow, you are counting my posts? I'm flattered. *s*
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It was a figure of speech. i'm sure if I actually counted it would be closer to 100. I have to go have a life now. I'll check bac later tonight. It's not like I don't know where you'll be. Obsessing over a person who does not matter to you. LOL.
Submitted by IHateCharityChic on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 4:20pm.
Submitted by stefystef on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 3:58pm.
I don't hate on Aniston. Actually, I don't think much of her. Never a fan of Friends, never felt she added anything to any movie she starred in (easily replaceable by any other actress).
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Then please explain why you post 50 comments on EVERY fucking Aniston article. Why not move on to someone who actually interests you?
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Wow, you are counting my posts? I'm flattered. *s*
And I don't care about Honey BooBoo and Kate Gosselin is the Devil and Octomom is just a waste of fuckin' time.
If people can say that just adore Aniston over and over, I can say she just doesn't matter over and over.
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"That shit was more staged and choreographed than Paul Ryan's soup kitchen visit."- MK, 10/16/12
Submitted by Gigaboob on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 3:55pm.
Submitted by D-vine Lister on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 3:34pm. I cant hate on Jennifer, she is gorgeous, and was in office space. OFFICE SPACE! Yeeeaaaahhh, Love that flick! ------------------------------OLOL...my favorite quote: "but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire..."
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LMFAOOOOO! LOVE that dude....
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by stefystef on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 3:58pm.
I don't hate on Aniston. Actually, I don't think much of her. Never a fan of Friends, never felt she added anything to any movie she starred in (easily replaceable by any other actress).
-----
Then please explain why you post 50 comments on EVERY fucking Aniston article. Why not move on to someone who actually interests you?
Submitted by Gigaboob on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 3:55pm.
HAHAHHAHAHA
YAAASSS!! Milton had numerous gems in that movie! I love the entire movie, just watched it yesterday as a matter of fact lol.
@ everyone, Good God people, its not that serious, quit with the shitty boot moves in the lower chats! If you dont like MK or Dlisted anymore you have a very simple option: LEAVE!!!!
Submitted by suckandfuck on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 12:22pm.
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 12:17pm.
I like Jen but hate hate hate Chelsea, who has never, ever been funny.
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Honey she's been banging the head of E! forever which is the only thing that keeps her on TV. Jen could learn a thing or two from her! Sad looking chicks can get far!
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Tell me please, baby, who that Whitney Cummings idiot is banging! Make her go awaaaaaaay!!!
·...¸><((((º>·´¯`·. ¸.><((((º> .·´¯`·..·><((((º>
Visit The Freckle on Lindsay Lohan's Lip on Facebook.
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 3:44pm.
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 2:11pm.
how many times have we gone thru this over the years. M.E. don't you know by now how to take down a Walker?
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But what will a bullet to the brainz do when there are obviously no braiz?
.......
I kept hearing about that dam show, and I was like "one word, zombies" pluheezeee *eye roll*
But, so much hoopla for the season premier all over my fb page, so I thought alright, I'm bored, so I netflix the seasons and sat down to watch.
lo' and behold, I'm addicted to it.
Zombies. I'm addicted to a show about Zombies.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
I don't hate on Aniston. Actually, I don't think much of her. Never a fan of Friends, never felt she added anything to any movie she starred in (easily replaceable by any other actress).
She looks okay, but honestly, that's HER JOB! She has the money to keep up her looks through personal trainers, doctors, cooks to keep her eating well and staying strong. She is an actress, she must look good in order to keep getting roles, because lord knows it is not because of her acting (lack thereof).
She's not a beautiful woman... she is a woman with money who can afford to hire people to help her look good. Money is amazing. *LOL*
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"That shit was more staged and choreographed than Paul Ryan's soup kitchen visit."- MK, 10/16/12
Submitted by D-vine Lister on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 3:34pm.
I cant hate on Jennifer, she is gorgeous, and was in office space. OFFICE SPACE! Yeeeaaaahhh, Love that flick!
------------------------------
OLOL...my favorite quote: "but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire..."
As for Jen, hell I was pretty excited when I was engaged. I didn't shed tears or anything but some of my friends have. I don't know why every little thing she does is scrutinized. Can't the bitch have her moment? Damn.
Submitted by 68Special on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 3:46pm.
Submitted by IHateCharityChic on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 2:46pm.
It's much more likely that they hate to see a woman in their age group live a life they could only dream of and that makes them super jealous and super angry. Why else would you spend four or five years of your life endlessly hating on someone you claim is so boring?
......................................
I completely agree with you. But I would expand your analysis to include so many more woman than just Aniston.
Yesterday, it was Scarlett but it is always someone. The jealously and hatred for people they do not know just oozes which leads me to believe that most are sadly single or unhappily married women that are stuck in their lives. The few guys on here, I don't understand why they waste their time.
Personally, I used to enjoy the posts by MK, but lately I find them "the same old, same old". I think this blog is really going "tit's up" very quickly.
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Agreed. Over at celebitchy the new object of their hatred is Jon Hamm's girlfriend. The woman who runs that site who went on and on and on about Justin Theroux's ex-girlfriend and how she put in all this time and how we should all feel sorry for her, now has a completely different take on Hamm's girlfriend of 14 years. Apparently Hamm's girlfriend is desperate and clingy and should just let him go because she's making a fool of herself for hanging on for so long. And of course, all the loons agree with her.
No joke.
And of course they all still feel sorry for Theroux's ex, an ex that took 8 years of dating Theroux before she actually got him to move in with her according to USA Today. In her case it's all cool and she's a wonderful person who is owed our lifelong sympathy, even though the loons know nothing about this woman. Somehow the circumstances are completely different than Jon Hamm's girlfriend who is owed our never-ending hatred. What these different circumstances might be is anyone's guess.
Submitted by rukiddingme on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 3:03pm.
Was Justin still with his 14 years + girlfriend when he met Jen?
What's more sad than the fact that 10,000 animals got euthanized today? The fact that because of the ignorance of humans, it will happen again tomorrow. End the cycle. Spay and neuter your pets & please adopt your next pet from a shelter.
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Yes, Justin was still with his girlfriend when he met Jennifer Aniston and yes, he moved in with Aniston BEFORE he called it quits with the girlfriend, who had no idea that her boyfriend of 14 years was fuckin' his co-star.
She did try to go public, but she was shut down. Nothing can tamper with the "perfect" image of America's Sweatheart.
I saved 2 dogs from NYC ACC from the To Be Destroyed List last year. I love my dogs and they are DA BEST! I helped rescue and place another one. Yes, there needs to be more done to spay and neuter dogs and cats (federal/national effort is needed), start requiring licenses to breed dogs of any kind and of any size litter and fees for breeding, more money to shelters and make them NO KILL and much tougher laws against people who abuse dogs and cats and do not comply with breeding laws. That would stop a lot of the over breeding and therefore, the mass killing of companion pets.
ADOPT! DON'T SHOP!
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"That shit was more staged and choreographed than Paul Ryan's soup kitchen visit."- MK, 10/16/12
Submitted by IHateCharityChic on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 2:46pm.
It's much more likely that they hate to see a woman in their age group live a life they could only dream of and that makes them super jealous and super angry. Why else would you spend four or five years of your life endlessly hating on someone you claim is so boring?
......................................
I completely agree with you. But I would expand your analysis to include so many more woman than just Aniston.
Yesterday, it was Scarlett but it is always someone. The jealously and hatred for people they do not know just oozes which leads me to believe that most are sadly single or unhappily married women that are stuck in their lives. The few guys on here, I don't understand why they waste their time.
Personally, I used to enjoy the posts by MK, but lately I find them "the same old, same old". I think this blog is really going "tit's up" very quickly.
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 2:11pm.
how many times have we gone thru this over the years. M.E. don't you know by now how to take down a Walker?
*********************************************
But what will a bullet to the brainz do when there are obviously no braiz?
I cant hate on Jennifer, she is gorgeous, and was in office space. OFFICE SPACE! Yeeeaaaahhh, Love that flick!
The cardboard groom and beanie babies must be very nervous they are going to be shoved in the closet until the divorce.
Submitted by vsminimoose on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 2:58pm.
and right back at you, why would I care if you care?
Bam, exactly, when she speaks it seems like she never has her own stories to contribute. Plus, her voice is so monotone, it doesn't fluctuate or vary much, even when she's supposedly excited about something. I don't know what it is, but when either her OR Angie start to speak my eyes and thoughts start to wander off pretty quickly. Brad likes them boring I suppose, although they make for good fodder.
Now, I don't need to be entertained by everyone I meet but isn't it their job to entertain? They're IN the ENTERTAINMENT business are they not?
You would think she could muster up an anecdote or two for her interviews like this.
But, good on her for finding happiness.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
Personally I think it has to do with what someone else said on another thread about mediocrity being passed off as exceptional. She's just mediocre is all, nothing exceptional about her.
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You smell kinda pretty. Wanna smell me?
I can't understand the hatred for her either. Bored by her, sure. But hatred? It makes no sense to me.
Personally, I like her, find her to be pretty, and her body is absolute perfection to me. But that must be because I am 41 and single, and workout constantly on my manback.
haha
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Then we’ll grow up take our clothes off
And you’ll remind me that I wanted you to kiss me
When we find some time alone
And then we can do anything we want
bwha
*****************
"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
Was Justin still with his 14 years + girlfriend when he met Jen?
What's more sad than the fact that 10,000 animals got euthanized today? The fact that because of the ignorance of humans, it will happen again tomorrow. End the cycle. Spay and neuter your pets & please adopt your next pet from a shelter.
@ mefunigirl,
I remember her first appearance on the David Letterman show promoting one of her first movies as a star. Awkward as all get out, no stories, wasn't helping Dave out at all. I'd seen young women 10, 15 years younger do waay better on talk shows. It was cringe worthy, couldn't see what the big deal was about her and still don't see it now.
***************
You smell kinda pretty. Wanna smell me?
"But, gotta say, when she speaks she seems boring as all hell."
Ok - everyone is talking about how boring she is.
What does this woman have to do in order to entertain you? Be a Lohan? The next Paris Hilton? So she bores you. Who cares? Not to mention....if we're going for insult wins I think calling someone boring is the most boring insult one could hurl.
Submitted by dbella on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 12:55pm.
I can't hate. The woman got cheated on by her husband in front of the whole world with a woman who is total flake weirdass, had it continually rubbed in her face, has continually had people making jokes about her because GOD FORBID she got older (which we all do), went through more relationships (which we all do), and hasn't had any kids yet (like that can't be a conscious choice). So, now that she's getting married again, which was something people have dogged her out about non-stop since she got divorced in fricking 2005, everyone's still finding fault. Jesus Christ. Take a seat.
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Second.
I am single and in my 40s and have no hate for Aniston. Don't especially love her but have developed a bit of empathy for her in her recent years because she gets derided for her single status and made out to be some sobbing spinster whereas in fact I wonder why she's bothering to marry at all considering how she's rich, hot, has a+ real estate and takes fun girls-only vacations with her pals.
As a Cdn, I don't have this video available to watch but while I dislike Handler, I doubt I'd find Aniston any worse than a bit predictable and dull, as usual.
I think it's funny how society takes a rich, nice- looking (I find her face quite ugly but her body is amazing), successful (albeit, just through mostly mediocre work and lots of good luck) woman and insist she must be miserable if she doesn't have behbehs and a husband... Clearly, I must be the biggest loser alive (being only somewhat successful, slightly pretty and totally single/ child-free)and yet I find the strength to go on: )
Submitted by 68Special on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 2:10pm.
And I didn't say "rich". Most of them aren't rich; they are the pretenders, who are living off their credit cards. And I don't mean everyone, but it is a phenomenon that has is seen a lot in S. Cali.
.........
It's not just a Cali phenomenon. I grew up in NY, and I have traveled a lot because it's what I like to do and I've seen it everywhere. It's a sign of the times more than anything else.
People everywhere are over-extended and pretending.
Having said that, and having lived here for over 30 years, I can say LA has a lot to offer, and it offers me much more than NY does.
For those who question why MK would move to LA, remember he lived here before. He has now lived in both NY and LA, and he choose to come live here again. He did, and I did, so obviously, LA is not as vapid as you would like to claim it is.
NY has her charms, but the gray haired old lady ain't what she use to be.
OT: Jen is never freakin aging, has a great bod, and had Brad when he was hot and this Justin guy is pretty hot, so she must be doing something right.
But, gotta say, when she speaks she seems boring as all hell.
Team couldn't give a shit about either one of them.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz