Lindsay Lohan Wants You To Know That White Oprah Does Not Do Coke

October 12, 2012 / Posted by:

Because Lindsay Lohan’s rep faked their death, changed their name and moved to a small village in Pakistan to get away from her crazy ass, she had to call Harvey Levin at TMZ herself to keep her dedication to delusion alive by mouth barfing up a bunch of shit out of a bull’s messy ass. LiLo says that her 4am fight with her mom was just a regular mother and daughter fight. You know, because you totally fight in the back of a limo with your mom after doing body shots off of the same shirtless dude at the cluuuuuuub. It’s kind of like how my mom and I fight about my eating habits in her Volkswagen after driving back from lunch at fucking Coco’s. Just like that.

LiLo said that she had no idea Michael Lohan was recording her and she also didn’t mean it when she said that White Oprah was coked up. No, of course, White Oprah wasn’t coked up. Bitch was just high from snorting crushed Adderall, Xanax, Vicodin, Ecstasy and from vag-chugging Red Bull in the bathroom. That’s all. Oh, and Blohan also said that Michael Lohan is dead to her, probably because he refused to give her a cut of the money he made from selling that tape to TMZ. Don’t you hate it when fathers do that? I’ll let TMZ tell you the rest:

Lindsay Lohan deeply regrets her blowout argument with her mother Dina Lohan — telling TMZ, what she said on the audio recording was NOT true … her mother was NOT on cocaine during the fight.

Lindsay called in to “TMZ Live” moments ago — telling us, “I told my dad a really hurtful and untruthful lie about my mom. She was not on cocaine.”

Lindsay says her father Michael Lohan betrayed her trust by releasing a recording of her desperate phone call to the media.

Lindsay tells us, turning to her father in a moment of desperation was a massive mistake and she is now “done” with him forever — adding, Michael “doesn’t know what it means to be a father. He doesn’t want to be a dad.”

What is this bitch’s life? Calling in to TMZ to tell them that she lied about her mom being coked up and that she can’t wait to piss on her father’s ashes? I’m beginning to think that the Lohans were created by the Department of Mental Health to make all of us feel better about our fucked up families.

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