Chris Hansen and the entire To Catch A Predator crew was put on emergency standby a couple of days ago when Justin Bieber tweeted that his laptop was stolen from backstage at one of his shows and that he had some private stuff on there. By “private stuff,” Justin Bieber could’ve meant that he had a very private video clip of Selena Gomez taking him shopping for sweat pants and crocheted tampon cozies after he got his first period, but most hos figured it was going to be a sex tape and who in the name of Canadian PedoBear wants to see that mess? (Usher, put your hand down, I’m not taking a count.)
Then some Twitter troll popped up yesterday and promised to leak all the footage he stole from The Lesbeaver’s camera or laptop or whatever. Well, it turns out it was just a stunt to promote his new dumb ass video. Everybody who fell for this should slap themselves with a diaper full of maple syrup for falling for a prank by a toddler.
But you know, I’m not sure what makes my b-hole dry heave more: a Justin Bieber sex tape or the sight of him body rolling against Nicki Minaj? It’s a damn shame that Nicki Minaj’s walrus ass didn’t mistake Justin Bieber for a worm and slurp him up whole.