Today is the day I say goodbye to the bodega bitch who always calls me “ma’m” (Not even “miss!” That burns.) and to the family of crackheads who always hang at my old subway stop and once called me a “cheap fag” for giving them a dollar. I will miss them all! So I’m moving out of Brooklyn and making my way back to the land of Angelyne, smog and jorts with UGGs today. I have to stop in Michigan first, because it’s always been one of my life goals to take a picture next to an Adopt a Crackhead sign. No, I’m going for family shit… and to take a picture next to an Adopt a Crackhead sign. I’ll be in Michigan until Sunday, so now all you Angelen-hos know in advance that a stage 1 trash alert will be issued when my stank ass lands.
Because I’ll be busy getting drunk on Hopslam in Michigan and trying to get a car in L.A. (please tell me they still sell Pintos), one of my partners in spreading fuckery, Sweetas, is going to guest blog and help me out until Monday. I’ll be back full-time on Tuesday after I wake up from my Hopslam and In-N-Out coma.
And moving would be so much better if I could just throw all my stuff on Liev Schreiber’s front box and then jump on that child seat behind him. Take me to the Double Double, Liev!