John Krasinski threw a 42nd birthday party for Matt Damon at burlesque club The Box in London on Saturday night and invited the likes of his wife Emily Blunt, THOR (government name: Chris Hemsworth), Bill Paxton and the belle of every ball, Tommy Girl. You’d think that Tommy would have better
dicks things to do on a Saturday night than hang out with those bland, basic, uncooked cauliflower people, but he can’t say no to a good old-fashioned nalgas beating by a cross-dressing hostess. When John told Tommy that paddles were involved, Tommy’s ass, which has a mind of its own, dropped to the ground and scooted him straight to The Box.
Page Six says that Tommy showed up without a date and his first words to Matt may or may not have been, “Direct my ass cheeks to the paddle.” A source type says that Matt and Tommy were the only ones to get spanked and Matt got it extra, because it was his birthday. The source also said, “They all had a fantastic night enjoying the shows and partying till the end.”
For that cross-dressing hostess’ sake, I hope she wore nose plugs and a plastic face mask, because you have no idea what could come shooting at you right after you give Tommy Girl the paddle. Spank him once, and next thing you know a geyser of barley water is shooting out of his Scientolohole before raining all over you. Tommy’s definitely a squirter.