Hot Slut Of The Day

October 7, 2012 / Posted by:

Lil’ Miss Singing Mermaid, a magical plastic jewel of a doll from the 80s afterbirth known as the 90s!

The other day, I brought up  Xtina’s hair idol, Lil’ Miss Magic Hair, and that made the mound of used glitter stickers called my brain think of Lil’ Miss Magic Hair’s long-lost twin sister separated at the sewer hole. Lil’ Miss Singing Mermaid was a doll who changed colors in the water, had water-resistant hair (cut to Beyonce screaming at her minions in the House of Dereon wig factory to buy up the world’s supply of Lil’ Miss Singing Mermaid dolls, so she can scalp them all to make the world’s greatest vacation lace front) and sang out a siren’s song.

When I was a kid, Lil’ Miss Singing Mermaid’s siren song was like a beautiful lullaby to me and it coated the inside of my ears with crushed up seashells. But when I listen to Lil’ Miss Singing Mermaid’s voice as an adult (Yes, an adult who is writing about a mermaid doll from the 90s.), it’s obvious that she’s using her creepy voice to lure out the soul’s of children. It’s totally obvious:

But she’s still hot. If Michael Phelps and Justin Bieber conceived a baby in Mariah Carey’s bathwater, it would be Lil’ Miss Singing Mermaid!

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