At Manhattan’s Pier 54 last night, professional stander David Blaine slipped on a pair of rubber panties and put on a chain mail suit he bought from Cher’s old Sanctuary catalog to stand on a pedestal while electric bolts hit his armor. David is going to do this for a total of 72 hours and it’s streaming live on YouTube, but don’t click over there unless you want to be annoyed by music that’ll make you feel like you’re at Medieval Times. Like all of his STUNT QUEEN stunts, David is not eating, sleeping, is drinking water out of a tube and has got a catheter shoved up his piss slit. So basically it’s like that one time Hugh Hefner’s nurse/ho mistakenly gave him an Ecstasy tab instead of his Flinstones chewable vitamin.
Because David is protected by a Faraday suit and is harnessed to that pedestal thing, many aren’t exactly impressed with this stunt including John Belcher, a physicist at MIT. John talked to Today about this and said, “David, you not in danger, girl.“
“He has a conducting suit, all the current is going through the suit, nothing through his body. There is no danger in this that I see. I would do it, and I am 69 years old and risk-averse. I just would have to take a nap.”
Now, I’m not saying my ass could do this, because I couldn’t. I like sitting down, sleeping, eating things, shitting into a toilet and wearing sweats too much. But not eating for 72 hours? Please. 12-year-old models and GOOPY Paltrow conquer that twice a week! Not sleeping for 72 hours? Please. Junkies on meth and single working mothers already do that! Wearing a really uncomfortable chain mail suit? Please. John Travolta wears that every time Kelly Preston tells him she wants to cuddle in her bed tonight. And that electrocution shit? Somebody’s dad (I’m not saying yours) is trying that on the nipples of somebody’s mom tonight, because they got a little TOO into 50 Shades of Grey.
What I’m saying is that a more dangerous stunt would be if David Blaine tried to plug a hairdryer into a loose electrical socket in the bathroom of a NYC apartment that was built in the 1930s. Now that is some real danger.