Linda Hogan Got A DUI

October 5, 2012 / Posted by:

Nick Hogan’s dumbassery behind the wheel left a man with permanent brain damage, so you’d think that Linda Hogan would know that speeding after taking antibiotics with a champagne chaser isn’t a good idea. But well, extreme exposure to UV rays from a tanning bed caused Linda’s brain to melt and drip out of her ears, so she sucks at making good decisions. TMZ says that Linda was pulled over in Malibu yesterday for speeding and after she blew an 0.084 (0.08 is the legal limit in CA), she was arrested. This is Linda’s mug shot of glamour and those matchstick brows are as tragic as that halter top from Rainbow.

53-year-old Linda sat in a cell for a few hours before she was released on $5,000 bail. Linda’s rep (yeah, she has one of those) says that she only had one glass of champagne, but since she’s on antibiotics and didn’t eat anything, it made her hazier than usual if you can imagine that.

Linda’s rep should’ve just kept it simple and said, “Stupid scrag is a Hogan. What do you expect?” 

This week, the Hogans really are reminding us that the Lohans are amateurs, because they’re America’s first family of trash, always and forever. First, Hulk Hogan made my b-hole poot out a question mark by waving his Hickory Farms dick around in a sex tape. Then Linda Hogan’s dumb ass goes and does this. What’s next? Brooke Hogan is going to put out another album? Oh shit. I shouldn’t have said thing. I think I’ve awoken the beast of Castle Grayskull.

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