Thank you to the paparazzo who showed us that Stacy Keibler and George Clooney look kind of cute when he casually whispers in her ear, “What’s your name again, toots? One of those tricks with a mic might ask me.”
The U.S. unemployment rate did not rise by 0.000001% today, because Stacy Keibler still has a job. At last night’s premiere of Argo in Beverly Hills, Stacy and George answered to those pink slip rumors the only way they know how: with a completely natural love party on the red carpet. You can tell that George still has love for Stacy, because he’s barely even looking at her! This makes me feel things, because it’s like looking at most of my past dates. “I just bought you a slice of pizza and you want me to make eye contact with you too? DAMN. What’s next? You’re going to whine about how I don’t completely stop the car when I push you out the door while dropping you off. Ungrateful!“
George is probably keeping Stacy around for another awards season, because he realized that he’s too old for this shit. And by “this shit,” I mean training another award show escort on how to Magic Erase the word “marriage” from her vocabulary and how to always stand to his right, because his left side is his magic side. I, for one, am glad George is not trading this trick in for a newer trick, because learning a new name is exhausting for all of us.
And speaking of having the chemistry of an urethra wart and tap water, Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck were also there last night!