Keith Urban Loves All The Idol Bitch Fighting
Some thought that Keith Urban was going to throw himself off the wagon and dive directly into a mountain of mind-numbing cocaine after he was literally caught in the middle of a diva bitch brawl between a Muppet thug in a curdled Strawberry Quik wig and the butterfly queen of the lambs in Charlotte, NC on Tuesday. But at last night's New York Film Festival premiere of his wife's movie The Paperboy (aka Golden Shower Fun Times with Zac & Nicole), Keith told Extra that he loved it when the Trinidadian chihuahua barked at the Long Island cocker spaniel. Keith loves passionate (read: ridiculous) artists (see: bitches) who openly express themselves (see: act like pieces of trash), because it makes him feel alive (see: laughs so hard his hair curtain becomes a side part) and it makes things very exciting (see: it gives him the wet shits and he was constipated for days before that). I'll let Keef tell it to you in his own words:
“I love it, I gotta say, look I love working with passionate people. I love artists. Everyone just sort of expressing themselves. It’s a very alive and very invigorating work environment. A lot of passion. Randy is the craziest, so you know I’m predictable.”
What Keith is saying is that in high school he was that bitch in the second row (tip: When watching a high school fight, always stand in the second row in case a rogue fist comes flying into the crowd.) screaming "Whoop that frock tart!" ("Frock tart" is Kiwi talk for "trick.") I can totally understand why watching Nicki Minaj go full Turrets on a bitch makes Keith happy. Because when he goes home at night, he eats dinner across from a Botoxed iceberg who has the emotional range of the dead AAA batteries your mom has kept in the freezer for years. So it's like Christmas times for Keith every time someone raises their voice above a frozen whisper. If you ever want to see Keith poop out an orgasm, yell at him hard!
Here's more of Keith and Nicole looking like a bizarro world Ellen & Portia at last night's The Paperboy premiere. Obviously, the key to Keith and Nicole's marriage lasting so long has everything to do with them sleeping separately. He sleeps in a tanning bed and she sleeps in an oxygen chamber/coffin.
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Whoa, some folks around here are hating on not so tall men. He isn't even THAT short. Just over 5ft.8inches.
They really look look like a lesbian couple. She is the man and he has to use a huge strap on her.
There are some seriously funny comments on this string!!!
Nicole looks good here but there's such a creepy vibe about her and being married to a little person doesn't help.
I hate that she has to stoop to talk to him or touch foreheads. It is gross that a woman has to do that to a man. She should have married Jeff Goldblum. He would have not looked ridiculous next to her. Maybe we should hook them up. Keith cant even kiss her without standing on tiptoes.
I can't stand Keith Urban's music. I know he is a great guitarist but his voice sucks and his songs are okay. And he's a short squatty little fuck. Nothing sexy about him.
I have never seen a more pussified man in my life.
Submitted by kerrymegan on Thu, 10/04/2012 - 3:59pm.
Michael K's pulitzer prize post of the YEAR?!?!?!! ROTFLMAO at EVERY.SINGLE.WORD.
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I second that. Michael K RULES!
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Grow up, Demi, and do coke off toilet seats like the rest of us adults do!- Michael K, 1/26/12
Nicole claims she hates she did the BOTOX but she is obviously addicted to it.
She doesn't even look the same.
She looks scary.
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Grow up, Demi, and do coke off toilet seats like the rest of us adults do!- Michael K, 1/26/12
Can't she marry a man her own height?
Keith is just being mature and professional. Those two should take notes.
OT - I like that Nicole usually takes chances in choosing films and has done many indie and low paying ones. She doesn't always play the same tired role.
MK, lmao at this entire post! You make Keith's home life sound like "One Hour Photo" LOL!
Oh, yeah, sure he loves this, Not. There's no way someone who's not used to constant bitch-fighting would enjoy getting their eardrums busted with shrill bickering like that. He must want to kick their chairs in while they're going at it, lloll.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Holy CRAP you guys - check out this pic I found of Nicole, before she started fucking with her face, before the "Third Lip"...look how relaxed her brow is!! Crazy.
http://www.google.com/imgres?start=117&hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=mNs&sa=...
Michael K's pulitzer prize post of the YEAR?!?!?!! ROTFLMAO at EVERY.SINGLE.WORD.
I still love her, but her botox addition and lip fillers make me very sad
I kind of love her dress. it's sort of fug-fabulous. Keith is wearing some seriously ridiculous lifts, HAR!!
are they (trying to be)the same person now, squinting?? }) I like him without her, her without him. Dont see the attraction except they're both Aussies.
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Thomas: Don't let's spoil everything,we've only just met.
Why does someone as rich as she is have dish-pan hands? They're always so red and chapped-looking.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by TexnDoc: "Maybe she looks like that for Anne Rice's birthday. How nice of her."
This cracked me up!
Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Thu, 10/04/2012 - 1:20pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 10/04/2012 - 1:15pm.
LOL see, this is an area I have no knowledge of:)
You guys keep me up to date:) Have to go work for awhile. Have a GREAT day Whamo if I don't talk to you later.
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LOL you're too cute Pushy, you have a great day as well.
Too bad you can't Dlist and work at the same time. I always have my D site off to the side in between my emails and phone calls. Although I'm thinking I'm spending too much time fucking the dog here but what are you gonna do..more work?...oh wait..there's an idea.
Take care PB
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Thu, 10/04/2012 - 12:40pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 10/04/2012 - 12:35pm.
LOL! You, her, and a bottle of tequila? Maybe if "To Die For" were playing in the background
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I fell in horniness with Nicole in Birthday Girl and was hooked ever since. She was such a kinky little thing and her squirming around dry humping the bed in her panties was enough for me to yell out "put me in coach, I'm good to go"
she does this head down look up thing with her eyes does...things..to me..
Yes I've given this all too much thought I know:P
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 10/04/2012 - 1:15pm.
LOL see, this is an area I have no knowledge of:)
You guys keep me up to date:) Have to go work for awhile. Have a GREAT day Whamo if I don't talk to you later.
Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Thu, 10/04/2012 - 12:44pm.
Just a question for the straight guys before I have to go.
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Women are like Bits and Bites, you put your hand in and you get 3 cheese bits 4 spiced rings and 2 pretzel sticks delicious.
Next handful a whole new ballgame!
Nicole Kidman looks so pretty sometimes, other times she looks like a complete freak. Keith never knows which face is gonna greet him when he comes home from touring.
Jack, your stories are intriging:)
Loved the "next exwife" hahahahaha
Their poop must be really boring. Sad poop is sad
Coma Caca!
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Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Thu, 10/04/2012 - 12:44pm.
Not really... just like everything else with a woman, you never know what the hell you're gonna get. :P
I knew one girl that was DINGY AS SHIT and goofy acting until she got in the bedroom and that bitch turned in to a mix between a Marine drill sgt. and a grappler straight out of pro wrestling... scary freak.
Nastiest I've seen was a quiet, timid preacher's daughter... Thank you, God.
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
They look like hot buttered shit.
What a tiny skinny feminized little boy. He looks like he weighs about 100 lbs.
Submitted by Bwhit19964 on Thu, 10/04/2012 - 12:06pm.
MK the word is "tourette's". Turrets are those things on top of victorian houses. lol
hahaha. Part of his charm is those typos/errors.
Mr Tourette, master signwriter:
http://www.moderntoss.com/cards/mr-tourette/card-tourette-cunting-boat/
Just a question for the straight guys before I have to go.
Is it your experience that the straigh lace, uptight looking even prudish women are the wild things in bed? Just wondering. I would think it would be a great way to unwind:) I wouldn't know of course. Just being nosey.
Keith and Nicole seem happy together; I hope they really are!
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Devil's advocate.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 10/04/2012 - 12:35pm.
LOL! You, her, and a bottle of tequila? Maybe if "To Die For" were playing in the background...
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 10/04/2012 - 12:35pm.
Hi Whamo!!!!! I think I am the only woman on here that thinks Nicole Kidman is HOT. Granted she's in her 40's and does the botox but her features are perfection and before the botox she had the most beautiful complexion and then there is that
aire of mystic. OK, I'm starting to sound like I want t sleep with her:)
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Thu, 10/04/2012 - 11:50am.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 10/04/2012 - 11:48am.
Maybe Nicole From a Long Time Ago.
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As Jack would say, I'd still be happy to disappoint her all night long"
What can I say I still find her sexy :P
Keith always looks really beaten down and/or clinically depressed. Like it takes a massive act of will for him to just to get out of bed and put on that lace front and sad smile.
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bahahahaha @louise_brooks i couldn't stop laughing at this.
She looks like a really ugly man in drag.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 10/04/2012 - 11:18am.
Submitted by loopygorilla on Thu, 10/04/2012 - 11:07am.
how boring would the keith urban and nicole kidman fucking be like.
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You know she totally whips his ass and if he dare open his mouth to speak she chokes his ass out. I get a total femdom vibe from her.... and a "oppsie, how'd this lamp get in my ass" from him.
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it will be one extreme or the other, either boring as bread pudding or kinky femdom traffic cone dildos.
Nicole looks like the frozen Queen of Narnia, full of barely surpressed rage because no-one likes her or her shite films.
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"We must not look at Goblin men,
We must not buy their fruits,
Who knows upon what soil they fed,
Their hungry, thirsty roots"
MK the word is "tourette's". Turrets are those things on top of victorian houses. lol
Maybe she looks like that for Anne Rice's birthday. How nice of her.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 10/04/2012 - 11:48am.
Maybe Nicole From a Long Time Ago.
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Thu, 10/04/2012 - 11:20am.
Movie sounds weak. Rotten Tomatoes' critics gave it 47%:
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the inner perv in me will pay good money to watch Nicole pee on someone lol!
Keef looks like he's had one too many spankings.
Nicole never smiles with her teef. :f < Chiri!
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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
He gives me David Gest vibes. Or who's that other freak with the five o clock shadow that looks like charcoal smear that you use when you dress up like a hobo for Halloween?
Guy has had WAY too much plastic surgery.
What's that on your head?
A WIG!
What's that on your head?
A WIG!!
Lmao @ mk & jack!
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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
I love that color red, but that dress is fug.
Keith always looks really beaten down and/or clinically depressed. Like it takes a massive act of will for him to just to get out of bed and put on that lace front and sad smile.
Idol bitch fighting? More like Idol attention whoring to get ratings for a stupid show no one cares about.
::Jack McFarland voice::
Well, you see what you have there, don't you Nicole? What you have... is a pocket gay. The perfect travel-size homosexual.
Man they look so mismatched...
Well, actually they could use wax figures instead of these two - no one would notice.
I hate how these people demonstrate how shitty life is!