Praise Xenu Claus For Giving Us This Early Christmas Gift!

October 2, 2012 / Posted by:

Pour me a cup of hot cocoa, because I butt birthed out a peppermint-flavored marshmallow just from looking at this cover of Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta’s new holiday album of music. This is what it would look like if the meaning of plastic surgery and the meaning of gay became conjoined twins. Everything about this piece of art is a work of true beauty and let’s analyze it all:

1. The Christmas tree in the background! That tree dimmed its lights, because it wanted to give all the attention to the sparkly twinkles in John and Olivia’s eyes that only show up when they join fabulous forces by touching heads.

2. The teacups, which are pissed off, because they aren’t the most precious things in this picture.

3. Olivia’s face, which has gone from looking like that of a human’s to that of a plastic Thundercat’s.

4. The thing on John Travolta’s head, which has replaced the pink fairy princess tiara as the gayest headpiece in the world. They must’ve shot this picture in the middle of a freezer, because I can’t believe that Sharpie puddle on John’s head isn’t melting from the heat he and Olivia are making. I’ve seen cartoon hair that looks more life-like and real than John’s spray-on helmet. How many Caltrans workers did it take to paint that pristine hairline? That hairline might be the straightest thing about John.

AND NineMSN says that my new favorite Christmas album feature a guest spot by BARBARA STREISAND! I love it when the punchlines punch themselves.

(Thanks to everybody who sent this in) 

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