The Parental Controls On Brit Brit’s Computer Are Always On

October 2, 2012 / Posted by:

Remember Sam Lutfi from the pink wig days? Sam Lutfi’s that butt leech with a pussy strip on his chin (No, not THAT butt leech with a pussy strip on his chin. THIS butt leach with a pussy strip on his chin.) who switched out Brit Brit’s meds for mounds of Adderall and led her on a gas station tour of destruction? Well, Sam’s still trying to sue Daddy Spears for breach of contract and apparently he’s still trying to lure Brit Brit back in by calling her. So that is why Daddy Spears and Brit Brit’s court-appointed fiance Jason Trawick keep all eyes on her Internet and phone use. Whenever Brit Brit wants to use the phone, they give her an empty soup can with a string attached and whenever she wants to go on the Internet, they give her one of those plastic laptops from the Ikea showroom.

A source tells Radar that Brit Brit and Jason share a cell phone, so he knows every number that calls and blocks a bitch whenever Sam Lutfi tries to get through. Jason and Daddy Spears also block certain websites, because they don’t want her to read any shit that crusty bitches write about her. (WHO, ME?!) The source said this:

“Britney’s cell phone and Internet use is restricted and heavily monitored, and this is done for her protection. Britney and Jason essentially share a cell phone, and it’s routinely checked to see who has been calling. Furthermore, the cell phones have been programmed to block calls from phone numbers associated with [Britney’s ex-manager, in place at the time of her well-publicized 2008 breakdown, Sam Lutfi]. Brit’s computer usage is also restricted in the sense that certain websites are blocked. Her family doesn’t want Britney reading negative stories that would upset her. Again, this is all done with love and for her well-being.”

The cell phone thing wouldn’t bother me that much, because telemarketers have somehow found a way to infect my cell phone, so it’d be nice to have a ho who weed that out. But the Internet shit?! No. One of the best parts of being an adult is being able to look at porn without having to empty any cookies or wipe down your laptop after. I know Brit Brit can barely change her tampon brand without her conservators having a meeting about it, but she made them $58 million last year. The least they can do is give her some alone time with Internet porn and a tub of Cheetos body butter.

You know that plug-in that blocks all Justin Bieber shit from your browser? Daddy Spears should install a plug-in like that on Brit Brit’s laptop. Every time she goes to a site that has a story about her, a leavebritneyalone.gif will pop up. Crockerize her Internet!

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