Who Does This Trick Think She Is? Lil Miss Magic Hair?
The video for the THINK OF THE CHILDREN version of Xtina's new single "Fuck Your Body" might look familiar to you, because I'm sure you dreamed it up while lying face first in a bowl of technicolor milk after you passed out in a sugar-induced coma from filling your stomach bag with Fruit Loops, Pop Rocks, colored popcorn and Skittles as Monster played on an analog TV in the background.
Wearing outfits she straight stole from Peg and Kelly Bundy's closets, Xtina plays a candy-coated trailer slut who picks up Adam Levine-alikes and loves their bodies so much that she murders the blue paint and glitter out of them (they're obviously a Smurf and a fairy disguised as human men). Bitch is not only murdering dudes, several pairs of Spanx and her face pores, but she's also murdering my childhood in this video. How many My Little Pony's were harmed in the making of her hair? Not only that, but her hair goes through so many pastel colors that she immediately reminded me of a whore-ified Lil' Miss Magic Hair:
Xtina should be singing "all I wanna do is steal your looooook," because that's exactly what she did to Lil' Miss Magic.
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Xtina DOES still record beautiful ballads and love songs. It's the damn market these days that won't let those songs be heard. Go listen to (and watch the video for) "You Lost Me". It was the 2nd single off of Bionic and it charted even lower than the 1st single, which was a club song about sex.
Or go listen to "Bound To You" from the Burlesque soundtrack. An amazing and beautiful ballad that was nominated for a Golden Globe but that nobody heard and was never played on radio.
Xtina is likely under pressure from her label to make a hit, after her last album sold so poorly, and she's just giving today's audience what it's asking for, and all people want right now is dance music about drinking and f**king.
OHMYGODS! Lil Miss Magic Hair!!!! I didn't know that's what her name was, but that commercial just took me on the weirdest time warp nostalgia bittersweet trip of all time! How do you have such a good memory of all things childhood when you booze your brain away, MK? I love you for it. I had completely forgotten about that doll til now.
If this bitch ever did anything original I would die of shock! This video is a mash up of Beyonce's "PARTY" video and Gaga's "TELEPHONE" ..... And don't get me started on her recycled 'look"..
Floptina really needs to find herself.
For why is she trying to rock the "thugnificent" look? That shit died a while back.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Is it just me, or in the straight wig and cut out dress she looks an awful lot like a truck stop hooker version of Adele?
wow i wonder how much money it took to make that crapfest
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Just hit the mute button or turn your ears into vaginas (aka fold them over each other) -MK
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I can probably fit 10 dicks up my ass, but that doesn't make it right -MK
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Love her, don't care.
Weird video,weird song she's just a jumped up technicolor weirdo.
Does it look like I've given up the meth?
Tevness.
Thank you, sugar free!
Submitted by crazyassmom on Fri, 09/28/2012 - 10:01pm.
OMG I love Shane Dawson *shameface* I learned about him from the youngun's I used to work with. The one called Crazy Emo Family is the best! It's like watching Tosh, you know it's SO wrong but you watch anyway. DMV is good too. LOL
ETA And I am almost 100% he comes to this site, some of his references make me believe that.
I'm tired of the stereotyping of people who live in mobile homes as being trailer trash. Thanks once again Christina!
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www.dungeonhordes.com
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shouldn't show video of her eating....
Her ass looks great because they cgi'ed her face onto some body double for most of the video.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
The video ended too quickly. She neglected to depict her killing what's left of her career with this sub-Guetta dirge. Since Gaga has stolen her thunder, this must be a desperate attempt to emulate Havana Brown (who is smokin' hot).
The song is dreck, but I can't hate on her cholita realness. I am tired of the Rainbow Brite shit on everyone, but for the most part she looks great.
*dodges tomatoes and cinder blocks*
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"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK
I wish she'd ease up on the cartoon bimbo factor. She would be a lovely example of how beautiful and sexy a plump gal could look.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
her ass looks great. not sure about the rest. i didnt even 'get' that it was a murder video until the end. so is she into necropilia? i'm confused...
EvilShoe: "...Let us not forget Gaga and Beyonce in that song where they poisoned a diner of people including a dog while wearing red, white and blue and dancing around corpses.
What was that dumb song name, anyway?..."
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I prefer Shane Dawsons version. F'n hilarious! Kids got talent, big time.
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"...If I put a Cleopatra wig on my asshole and painted cat eyes on it, it would look and act more like Elizabeth Taylor than LiLo does..."- MK
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Wow! That was awful! I forced myself to make it past 24 seconds. It's like a puree of the schlock of what's played on the pop stations. And the video - WTF. A slut serial killer? Well at least she didnt go full on Katie Perry in her wardrobe -just technicolor trailer ho.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by beb on Fri, 09/28/2012 - 8:31pm.
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Perhaps the imagery was too distracting to notice Whitney. lmao
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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So. Much. Makeup.
Submitted by WithinReason... on Fri, 09/28/2012 - 8:25pm.
No, I think she's got the Whitney - especially after she sings "I think you already know my name" the first time.
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SOMEONE SAID COCK, can we say COCK? I didn't know we could say COCK, and still be classy! AHAHAHAHAHAH - WithinReason
Definitely Bebeh, Maybe she was trying to compete with the Mileys, Selenas or Swifties. She needs more Winehouse, right? ;p
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by WithinReason... on Fri, 09/28/2012 - 8:03pm.
Yes, I wonder who comes up with her video concepts. If I were directing the video for this song, she'd be a "woman for hire." I'd make it really gritty, like Madonna tried to do with the old lady in "What It Feels Like For A Girl."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYwgG2oyUbA
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SOMEONE SAID COCK, can we say COCK? I didn't know we could say COCK, and still be classy! AHAHAHAHAHAH - WithinReason
Submitted by beb on Fri, 09/28/2012 - 7:55pm.
Reductive, yeah and my dirrty little pony too! That's why I think she should get rid of whoever put her up to this. smh :p
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by WithinReason... on Fri, 09/28/2012 - 7:46pm.
Yes, I remember that performance! Her last album did tank (about 300K sold to date). I did like the vibe of the first single ("Not Myself Tonight") but IIRC, the video was very...reductive.
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SOMEONE SAID COCK, can we say COCK? I didn't know we could say COCK, and still be classy! AHAHAHAHAHAH - WithinReason
Submitted by beb on Fri, 09/28/2012 - 7:37pm.
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ITA, I like those two videos as well and her performance at the 2007 Grammys
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rh2Yxp6q2h0
I've always thought she was very talented but then they get all this other stuff mixed in with the singing. I don't know too much about her other videos but I remember her last album didn't fare so well.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by WithinReason... on Fri, 09/28/2012 - 7:32pm.
Her videos are left to be desired. Except "Beautiful."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeZvRRhLw5M
And maybe "Dirrty"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kaej4Wjkj1Q
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SOMEONE SAID COCK, can we say COCK? I didn't know we could say COCK, and still be classy! AHAHAHAHAHAH - WithinReason
Submitted by beb on Fri, 09/28/2012 - 7:18pm.
Submitted by Talkdirty2me on Fri, 09/28/2012 - 5:21pm.
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I wouldn't say I lovelove it, but without the video it sounds much better. Can't understand blowing up the car, the bat, the paint, the trailer, and that is not even mentioning the pg-13 attempt at skankiness. Very weird vid. ;p
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by Talkdirty2me on Fri, 09/28/2012 - 5:21pm.
I have to admit that I'm liking this song as well. Will I remember it when someone says "Christina Aguilera" 20 years from now? Probably not. But I will bump n' grind around the house in the meantime. ;-)
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SOMEONE SAID COCK, can we say COCK? I didn't know we could say COCK, and still be classy! AHAHAHAHAHAH - WithinReason
Xtina cracks me up. She has a real Mariah Carey mentality; instead of working hard to drop the weight, she demands to only be photographed at "flattering angles". Sorry, porker; that ain't gonna help. Oh, and btw, nobody believes you're tough or have street cred, so enough with the hip hop/greaser fantasyland dressup suggested by your costumer or choreographer...
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"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
Baby Jesus forgive me, but I love this song. I've been go-go dancing around my apartment to it for the past half hour. I also think she looks hot. I know I'm in the minority, yet the scene in the hotel with that little black dress.. her ass is amazing. Might be worth looking all bloated face to add those new curves to the donk
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"If you're going through hell, keep going" ~ Winston Churchill
Gaga already did it.
I have to admit though, I'm kinda diggin' this song now. And a man-killing video where blood is glitter or blue paint and fire is hot pink? Kinda cool. I don't hate it.
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"You'd better come quick and bring a tranquilizer gun, because it looks like she's taken a little red dog hostage," is what they'd say to the operator at Bellevue. (paraphrased quote from Michael K.)
seriously, how old is this woman?? doesn't matter 'cos this is just more clubby-crap pablum created for drunky, 20-something 'ho's who think flailing around in tube dresses three sizes too small and perched atop six inch heels that were sexier when Frederick's of Hollywood did it 50 years ago, is cool.
gakk.
oh yeah, and if I were Desi Jr. and Lucie Arnaz, I'd be horrified that they dragged my iconic mother into this mess - even if they barked up the money to do so.
I wish I could have done the decorating for the trailer park scene. How Awesome, all that is missing is a velour dogs playing poker pic.
Wow, what a great audience.
Christina doesn't have perfect pitch she would be in tune if she was it's called marketing.
Submitted by Emeriesan on Fri, 09/28/2012 - 2:39pm.
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 09/28/2012 - 2:23pm.
This is a case of protesting too much. Oh girl, you are so DANGERous. Pffft.
And while I agree she has a powerful voice and apparently has perfect pitch or whatever, her voice is constantly straining and it feels like an assault to me.
This girl is a major fail. She knows how to sing one run and that's all she's done for the past 15 years. A great singer would give you variety and less over production to fix what's a miss. She can't sing either people just think so because their alternate choice when she came out was Britney. She's got no taste and no class and I think it's in pretty poor taste that she is on a family show releasing music with this message and video to back it up.
Submitted by EvilShoe on Fri, 09/28/2012 - 4:12pm.
Submitted by WinterOwl22 on Fri, 09/28/2012 - 3:46pm.
Let us not forget Gaga and Beyonce in that song where they poisoned a diner of people including a dog while wearing red, white and blue and dancing around corpses.
What was that dumb song name, anyway?
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Telephone
Was prepared to hear some horrible song but this sounds good. XTina's back bitch!
ew
~~~ Woosah ~~~~
Submitted by WinterOwl22 on Fri, 09/28/2012 - 3:46pm.
Let us not forget Gaga and Beyonce in that song where they poisoned a diner of people including a dog while wearing red, white and blue and dancing around corpses.
What was that dumb song name, anyway?
Gawd I miss Married with Children! I mean, we have our resident Marcy Darcy the feminist here; but really, it's not the same.
*puts hand in pants Al Bundy style*
Lol Deb!
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The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
Submitted by Emeriesan on Fri, 09/28/2012 - 1:56pm.
Ugh, she is still the queen of cheap n nasty. Not even good bad, just minging like an old cupcake with neon pink fondant.
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Came to say something close, but you said it better.
Hey WinterOwl - What about the violence being done to innocent eardrums, huh? ;)
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
If Gwen Stefani can kill all her fellow band members in that It's My Life video then I see no problem with Christina killing 3 guys (that are filled with glitter and blue paint) in hers. I was too focused on what she was wearing and her make-up anyway.
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The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
Lol Deb! I saw the glitter but I didn't see the killing part. *watches video again*
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The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
She looks like Brooke Hogan, which means Hulk Hogan is the only one fapping to this.
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Fri, 09/28/2012 - 1:31pm.
I don't think she's mimicking Mariah. She's mimicking Beyonce:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QczgvUDskk0
It's not just me, right? They're similar?
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I thought that too but when Beyonce's video came out, everyone was saying that she copied Christina. So maybe Christina is blending her retro and Dirrty looks to come up with something "new"?
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The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
Bunchacrap. Bitch is almost 32 years old ... kinda past it for this tits-n-ass-n-weave in yo face shit. With a voice like she has, she doesn't need to keep playing the tired role of the 'sexy' trailer park slag, leading all the little girls to think that they gotta sling it all around town. Get a grip bitch and find your true genre already.
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"You wait. They gonna get everybody on twitter, facebook, doing everythin' online and then they gonna pull the PLUG and we all gonna be FUCKED!"