As Katie Holmes searches the sky for Scientology spy UFOs (that look like this) that are tracking her every move, Suri Cruise had a kiki with Daddy Girl or maybe she’s calling Blue Ivy Carter to make fun of the golden child for wearing kicks with poor people diamonds (aka rhinestones) on them instead of rare polished kidney stones pulled from a pink dolphin.
Before you throw an “I can’t even look at you anymore” at Suri for talking on what could be an ancient artifact from one week ago called the iPhone 4, let me educate you on some shit. Suri would never put hear ear on an iPhone 4. Suri won’t even talk on the phone with a trick who is talking on an iPhone 4. Suri can tell, because she can hear the poor in their voice. Suri isn’t even talking on an iPhone 5 here. That’s an iPhone 7! They don’t even sell it on the black market in Japan and there’s not even a prototype for it. That’s how forward Suri is.
And will the state finally step in and issue Katie a mandatory uniform since she obviously isn’t capable of dressing herself. Who throws a dog blanket, some studded matador pants and elf boots on the bed and says, “This it the look!” Katie’s not knowing ass does, that’s who. Bitch looks like she was just kicked off of the Trail of Tears by her tribemates, because they were too embarrassed to be seen with her looking like she just fell out of Chico’s ass. This is a Chico’s kind of BARF.