Where Do I Pick Up An Application?
File this under: Shit that reads like the plot of a messed up romcom starring Katherine Heigl and Hilary Swank.
A billionaire property magnate from Hong Kong has offered up a $65 million reward to any man who can successfully lure away his 33-year-old lesbian daughter from her wife. FINALLY, my dreams of becoming a beard AND a successful gold digger can come true. This can really work especially since many a bitch has told me that I look like a middle-aged Chinese butch lez.
Business Insider (via Towleroad) says that the daughter Gigi Chao (on the right and her Facebook is here) married her partner of 7 years Sean Eav (on the left) in France on April 4th, but her father Cecil Chao denies that a wedding ever took place and he refuses to accept his daughter's wife into the family. Cecil Chao is so desperate to make his daughter straight that he's willing to part with $65 million of his own money and he doesn't even care if the lesbian-turner is poor or rich. The only thing Cecil wants in a son-in-law to be is a dude who is kind in the heart and is a hard worker who wants to start his own business. Cecil, my future father-in-law, put it like this:
"[The prize money is] an inducement to attract someone who has the talent but not the capital to start his own business. Gigi is a very good woman with both talents and looks. She is devoted to her parents, is generous and does volunteer work."
I've only been in a Subaru twice, I hate going to Home Depot and plaid flannel doesn't look good on me because it's too busy for my facial features, but I'm willing to change all of that to be richer than Honey Boo Boo (I'm convinced she's a secret millionaire and is faking the poor for maximum media attention)!
But seriously, this could be like the lesbian version of Ang Lee's The Wedding Banquet. I'll move into Gigi and Sean's penthouse and we'll all pretend our way to millions! I'll even do a beard apprenticeship with Kelly Preston for a few months to learn how to be the best beard ever.
If my father-in-law ever walks into my Hong Kong penthouse and catches me with a peen in my mouth, I'll just tell him that his heterosexual daughter and I are heterosexual swingers and I always test the peens she's about to suck on, because I respect him too much to let his heterosexual daughter suck on nasty-tasting dicks. He'll believe me, this will work and we'll all be rich!
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#getthatmoneyMK!!! Bugger the daughter, turn her dad! I have faith in you!!
Submitted by WithinReason... on Thu, 09/27/2012 - 2:55am.
LOL Loopy, seafood won't do you any good. lmao, you only need to fake it, it's not like the father will be watching you eat the buffet! hehehe
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well you have a POINT! well okay i better watch some john wayne movie, learn to be a butch, like spit in a bucket, take my dick out and piss everywhere, grab my ass, fart, scratch my belly, burp.
Where is this trick living at now? There's money on the table and this trick is gonna get converted!
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Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe to Heaux Confessionals©
LOL Loopy, seafood won't do you any good. lmao, you only need to fake it, it's not like the father will be watching you eat the buffet! hehehe
@Sal, True dat, 100x. *waves at ya* ;p
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Jake Gyllenhaal's next beard??
She doesn't really need the money, does she? She travels the world, is educated and has a lovely wife by her side.
It would be a sad story for gayelles hadn't MK turned it into an uplifting one for all present golddiggers. Way to look at the glass as half full! XD
Team Shimizu!!!!
Oh wait... that's not her :S
Tom Cruise is between wives at the moment...
Sorry MK, im way ahead of ya.
ive already booked myself to eat a seafood tomorrow, at an all you can eat seafood buffet for $45.
Anyone else look at this accompanying photo and get reminded of a femme Joan Chen being toe-sucked by her butch dyke lover in "The Last Emperor"?
Yup, she should have passed "Butchie" as her bf. Dad would nevr have known. *runs off to strap down tits and buy a cucumber*
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Does it count if you kidnap her? or does it have to be true lurve?
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Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.
"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."
Damn. I'll cut my hair, tape my boobs down and volunteer!
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The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
Now listen, bitches...
When yo' asses have rich parents you need to learn the art of LYING to get yo' grubby lil' hands on yo' inheritance some day.
Those gayelles coulda passed that lil' Yoko Ono butch lookin' one off as a man. If that's what you gotta do to #getthatmoneybitch, that's what you do. Old man wouldn't know what the mu shu was going on he want his daughter to be straight so bad.
Damn, now I gone and did it, I needs me some mu shu...*looks for Chinese takeout menu.* I'll see you whores later.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Dayum MK! This sounds like a plan. I volunteer to throw a bridal shower (and I do mean Throw). And I would expect only a tiny honorarium.
Cecil Chao needs to take that $65 million and buy himself a clue. What a dipshit.
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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
MK, that would work because you're cute and Cecil is a stubborn bitch. Lol the apprenticeship with Kelly and the rationale for having "peen in mouth" but would you stay around here if you had all those millions?!?!?! :/
"many a bitch has told me that I look like a middle-aged Chinese butch lez." - AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
They're a pretty couple too. ☺
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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I vote for CHAZZ BONO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It would all be fun until he wanted grandchildren and MK is ain't going to happen by rubbing lug-nuts together.
Start scheming bitches, can we get a dildo with sperm in it?
I thought her wife was that wedding planner for Lisa Van Der Pump's daughter's wedding.
She's beautiful.
I would advise Gigi to do it and split the money 50/50 between the lucky man and herself & her lucky lady. Sign a thoroughly lawyered pre-nump with the man and cash in on yo daddy's idiocy!
" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs
also, they are a beautiful couple.
" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs
leave that daughter alone. she seems like a nice person. thats just wrong on so many levels. the dad offering up money like that. it would be awesome if some gay guy "lured" her away and then they married and then took the money and donated it to gay causes ..... then she could go back with her partner.
" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs
Submitted by bambam on Wed, 09/26/2012 - 4:14pm.
Go onnnnnnn....
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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
Jesus Christ, what a fucking creepy sick story. Seriously.
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"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
You can't beat a chinese pussy-licker cuz the chinese eat anything so when they get around to eating on that pussy, damn they eat it like it ain't been ate before.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 09/26/2012 - 4:18pm.
Starkville was the shit! Whereas Oxford is just shit.
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
Submitted by Chris Eccleston... on Wed, 09/26/2012 - 4:09pm.
LMAO!!! Holy shit, I was born in Starkville!
On topic - Yea, I meant Yoko, not Vera Wang lol even though they kinda look alike.
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
MK, you can have the lezzie. i'm going for Cecil. you know, the guy who can afford to give away $65 mil...
/very very very disappointed in MK's golddigging game. rank amateur.
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Years ago I knew a chick whose goal was to land a rich husband that she didn't have to be bothered with. I told her put on some Donna Karan, go to ________, and present yourself as intelligent, educated, and discreet. Eventually one of those closet fucks looking for a beard will take you on.
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Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time."
— Haruki Murakami
Hi-rar-rious write up. "My future father-in-law...."
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 09/26/2012 - 3:52pm.
ETA: she taught me some pretty good tricks that guys, on their own, would never figure out.
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Next best thing, I went to school with a guy who became a gynecologist. Told me one or two things that made me go "get the fuck outta here!"
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You can't be pregnant. That rape was legitimate.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 09/26/2012 - 4:01pm.
Catonese is a very difficult language to learn. I lived in Canton, MS when I was a kid (true story) and you couldn't understand a word those fuckers said.
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As someone who grew up in Booneville, suddenly everything about you makes sense. :D
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
It's pretty easy Jacko, fingers are sliding over the keys.
Submitted by Cookie_Monster_ on Wed, 09/26/2012 - 3:56pm.
The father is only being a good dad, what healthy person would wish sexual deviancy on their child? That's like wishing them to be drug addicts. He's only trying to help her.
And another thing, why do most lesbos look so male? The chic can't be into women that much, her "wife" looks like Pat Morita.
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Well Cookiepuss, the father is from a different era and his views were formed during that time, which is past. Fortunately his child lives in a more progressive (and positive regarding sexual identity) time.
See Cookiepuss, gay women catagorize themselves, either butch or fem, it makes it easier for them to have an idea of what the other woman is like.
Go home now.
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You can't be pregnant. That rape was legitimate.
BUNCH OF GREEDY MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*schedules sex change operation*
From her FB:
"Loves to stare at a flower and imagine herself a butterfly."
Evidently.
Submitted by chaka1 on Wed, 09/26/2012 - 4:02pm.
lololololllllll at "BANG HER BRAINS OUT"
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 09/26/2012 - 4:01pm.
jack's not gonna fall for the banana in the tailpipe trick.
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Sean should get a sex change operation and then swoop in and claim the prize!
I would.
For $65 million, I would have a sex change and BANG HER BRAINS OUT EVERY DAY...
Fuck being poor... :((
Catonese is a very difficult language to learn. I lived in Canton, MS when I was a kid (true story) and you couldn't understand a word those fuckers said.
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 09/26/2012 - 3:52pm.
ETA: she taught me some pretty good tricks that guys, on their own, would never figure out.
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Hey is that the one where you put the ole chicken outfit on jam a banana up your ass and hop around one one foot unti........*crickets*....ah... right....ya uh......I kinda heard somethin..you know about a.....never mind then....*crickets*
EEG - how can you type so well with only one hand?!!
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Yoko???????????????
It could work well for you MichaelK.
Many years ago when I was in the gay scene, there was a 'power couple' who ran the best upscale bar in town. They were both gay and both came from money families. They were both denied inheritances until they married, so Gay and Gayelle married, inherited their money, and bought 2 houses and a trendy condo/loft. The condo was for show for the family, and the Gay lived with his lover in his house, and Gayelle lived in hers with her lover. they purchases the bar as a 'job'.
I"m sure both sets of grandparents would not have wanted THIS with their money, but had they accepted the life of their grandchildren, it would have been better spend (not on a pretend condo or a gay upscale bar).
300 people have subscribed to her since MK posted this story... She does seem pretty smart. She's a helicopter pilot (HOT!)!
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
I checked out her fb too. Beautiful and intelligent. Here is the best example:
Knows English, American English, Chinese, Cantonese
She doesn't define American English as English! Loves it.