Hot Slut Of The Day!

September 26, 2012 / Posted by:

UPDATE: NOOOOO! Thanks to Raquel for letting me know the original story about my new favorite thing in life came form a website that is the Spanish equivalent of The Onion. I am suing EVERYONE for screwing with my no-no’s emotions. It still stands as today’s HSOTD for that picture alone. Someone still needs to make this happen. Pimp Mama Kris, you know what to do.

Sperm-flavored chocolate from the Spanish chocolate company Chocolates Valor! You finally know what it’s like to go down on Willy Wonka.

Kim Kartrashian makes millions of dollars from doing as much work as a discarded tampon applicator lying in the gutter does, is famous for no reason at all and yet she hasn’t completely felt like all of her dreams have come true until the moment Chocolates Valor announced that they are serving up a huge load of chocojizz trickling out of a giant chocolate dick. Chocolates Valor, take all of Kim’s money, drop your entire stock at her loading dock (yes, that’s a euphemism) and leave her alone with her new true love forever. We’ve finally found Kim’s kryptonite!

Chocolates Valor, who is known for turning chocolate into sex tools for sluts, announced in a press release that they are the first ever major chocolate company in the world to make the first chocolate that tastes like the Axe Chocolate Man’s used cum rag. No word if they’re cumming out with a pineapple-infused chocolate cum flavor next. Here’s their press release from NTN24 as translated from Spanish by Google:

“Chocolates Valor, combining tradition and modernity, has stepped forward to be the first major chocolate brand in the world who decides to combine the intense flavor of our premium quality chocolates with the subtlety and creaminess of the best semen.”

The best semen?! Did they hold a taste test at the Scientology bath house to ask the experts what the best-tasting jizz is? Speaking of, when Kelly Preston walks into the private massage room off of John Travolta’s bedroom and finds him ass up with chocolate streaks all over his butt cheeks, she now knows what happened. His Scientolohole went on a chococum binge.

And I put Chocolates Valor official NSFWish press photo after the cut, because it’s only polite to warn you whores that you might not be able to resist the urge to plant your tongue on your screen for the rest of the day. GO!

This is the perfect Hot Slut for Yom Kippur. It’s the perfect dessert for all post-fast Yom Kippur feasts and that chocolate peen is circumcised, so it’s totally kosher. Happy Yom Kippur, everyone!

(Thanks, Mely)

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