It’s only been eight months since the reincarnation of Jesus was born and named after a Central Florida strip club, but Hollywood Life is saying that the makers of Creme de la Mer diaper cream and chinchilla bibs are getting ready for more orders, because Beyonce and Jay-Z are having another chosen child of the 1%. Beyonce went to a restaurant in the Washington Heights neighborhood of Manhattan a couple of nights ago and if you tilt your head, squint your eyes and try to imagine smelling the scent of sweat gathered under a first trimester baby pillow, you sort of see a bump there…but not really. Beyonce’s probably just clenching her stomach to push out an after-dinner fart.
Some source also tells Media Takeout that Beyonce is about 3 months knocked up and will have her second kid sometime in the spring and will probably name it Thistle Hibiscus (the color blue and plants are so 2012). But Tina Knowles tells Access Hollywood that tabloid reporters shouldn’t run to Tribeca to knock on every apartment door hoping to find a pregnant South American surrogate, because Beyonce’s Tempur-Pedic baby pillows are still hanging in her closet and she’s not pregnant, but “it’s gonna happen when it’s time, but not right now.”
Normally, I wouldn’t trust one word coming out of Tina Knowles’ mouth, because she promised eternal happiness to Ariel and we all know what happened there, but I believe her this time. If Beyonce was expecting another chosen one, she wouldn’t make it be known by flashing a tiny bump at a restaurant in Washington Heights! Beyonce would stay hidden for months and then on the night of the presidential inauguration ball in January, she’d put on a Lady Liberty costume, sit on a giant bald eagle and wave as she’s lowered onto the stage. As soon as her foot stepped onto the stage, she’d rip off her gown to unveil a giant bump with an American flag (but instead of stars, there’d be tiny Beyonce & Jay-Z heads on the blue part) painted on it. When Beyonce announces shit, Beyonce ANNOUNCES shit.
Although, Basement Baby went to an amfAR gala in Milan the other night and she did look like she was carrying a baby up in her afro….