Nope, This Totally Isn’t A Stunt

September 24, 2012 / Posted by:

Carmen Electra can pop out her titty balls all she wants, but they’ll never come close to being as naturally plum or as luscious as the extra large man dumpling that decorate Simon Cowell’s chest. Does Ryan Seacrest come over every afternoon to gently brush the cashmere soft hairs on her nipple-topped chest pies? I think not. Anyway, before Carmen and Simon had a tit-off for the paps in front of Cecconi’s restaurant in West Hollywood, InTouch says they were making everyone inside scream for the check by touching tongues.

Carmen was a guest judge on Britain’s Got Talent earlier this year, but she was wearing an engagement ring from Rob Patterson at the time. But now that she’s single, she’s craving the urge to watch Simon’s empanada chichis bounce up and down while he hits it from the front. Someone who witnessed Simon and Carmen get gross with each other said that “at one point, they were talking real close, and he leaned in and kissed her. They started making out!”

Carmen usually gets with the kind of dude who thinks he’s bad shit, is covered in tattoos and is so hard he probably wears a clip-on ring on his foreskin, so maybe she’s finally grown up and realized that it’s best to get with a man whose toilet looks like Scrooge McDuck’s vault, because he shits gold coins!!!! And it’s also best to get with a man who you can share bras with.

But really, Carmen really does look like she’s found true love….with the cameras. Homegirl can’t take her eyes off the lens.

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