Hot Slut Of The Day!
The Automatic Sperm Extractor from China!
China just keeps showing the US up. While here in the US we still use human sperm extractors named John Travolta, Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, in China use sperm-sucking machine that can take load after load all the time without complaining about how it has a headache and can't tonight, and it won't make dudes spoon with it afterward. Oddity Central says that several hospitals in China are trying out a machine that jacks out sperm from dudes with infertility issues who either don't have hands or can't get romantic enough to fap into a plastic cup under fluorescent lighting. Dudes just slip on a condom, stick their peen in the medical glory hole and let the machine work its magic. Click play to see it in action and if you've got a peen, prepare to fall in love and throw ALL the engagement rings at it:
The Fappinator 2000 is so damn popular at one hospital in China that it takes 20 to 30 peens a day. I know where John Travolta's spending Halloween (SPOILER ALERT: China) and I know what he's going to dress up as (SPOILER ALERT: this machine).
They should really make a portable, battery-powered version that you can take everywhere. It's the perfect automated Fleshlight for lazies. Use it in the car, at your desk and everywhere else. But before you press the start button, pray that the machine doesn't malfunction so hard that it pulls your dick off and suddenly becomes a sex change machine called the Bobbitt Bot.
And I'm sure a secret recording will leak of Paris Hilton saying that this machine is the horniest machine in the world, is disgusting and probably has machine AIDS.
(For Max)
• 
Mani6. don't know about dinner but you may want a couple of water bottles nearby. :D
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░
Yes...I want the Orgasmatron 2000 but can it at least microwave some TV dinners?
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Omg, it grips and pulsates! HAHAHAHAHA Love when he sticks his finger in like he's forgotten what it's for, lmao! Only worry... HAL 9000, on lock! :O
MK, thanks for the visual on that costume!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░
That's disgusting lol
kiwikim, dont forget they cant tell a dildo from a mushroom.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Ewww. Everything about China grosses me the fuck out lately. Their damn fueling of the massive elephant slaughter for stupid ivory trinkets, bear bile, shark fin soup eating mother fuckers can suck me.
Submitted by EvilShoe on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 12:15pm.
Thank you, thank you!
It was my birthday present to myself on my 32nd birthday.
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Hot Slut of the Year candidate right here. For the record. . . I would try it too.
*avoids eye contact with anyone*
This made me think of the old Don Johnson movie A Boy and his Dog. he thought he was going to get to have sex with all of the women in this community, but they just strapped him down and hooked him up to the fapping machine. Each woman walked away with a vial of sperm.
Submitted by bambam on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 1:39pm.
"Ohhhh, your bigga Amelican dicka too muuuch, nota for big Amelican dicka, too big too big ohhhhh."
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OMFG HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
ew.
smdh.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
Submitted by Darknight on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 12:27pm.
BAHAHAHAHAH!
Side note, how did I know the MENZ were gonna be all up on this story?
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Hah! Where's Stockbroker at to say that's the most disgusting thing he's ever seen and nothing can replace the feel of a woman and it almost made him throw up his spinach florentine omelette.
That's right, ladies. I can cook. LMAO
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You can't be pregnant. That rape was legitimate.
They should put this shit on Shark Tank.
It'd sell millions if there was a recorded voice speaking stereotypical Chinese; "Ohhhh, your bigga Amelican dicka too muuuch, nota for big Amelican dicka, too big too big ohhhhh."
The Chinese could take us over in a matter of days. lols
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You can't be pregnant. That rape was legitimate.
Submitted by TexnDoc on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 12:47pm.
<"They should really make a portable, battery-powered version that you can take everywhere. It's the perfect automated Fleshlight for lazies">
I'd never heard of Fleshlight but see it's a feminine substitute for the straight dudes who would probably recoil at using the same exact device but called a Fleshjack because it's gay.
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I've got one and I wouldn't care if you called it Fred... the thing works. (probably TMI but had to go there for illustration)
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
<"They should really make a portable, battery-powered version that you can take everywhere. It's the perfect automated Fleshlight for lazies">
I'd never heard of Fleshlight but see it's a feminine substitute for the straight dudes who would probably recoil at using the same exact device but called a Fleshjack because it's gay.
Yeah when they make an automatic injector machine, call me...
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...the end
Submitted by snowpiece on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 11:19am.
if the Chinese made it none of y'allz HUGE peens would fit in it anyway!
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BAHAHAHAHAH!
Side note, how did I know the MENZ were gonna be all up on this story?
It's never too late to be who you might have been.
~George Eliot~
Lol @ "sperm extractor". Just call is what it is, a blow job machine, or the Giada 3000.
Submitted by mike on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 10:35am.
I'm not gonna lie - I'd try it.
It would just be for fun, though - I've had the snip. : )
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I'd let Jack try it in front of me. The expressions alone would be comic gold!
Snip? Good for you, Mike. I think 67 billion miracles is quite enough!
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 11:16am.
Submitted by tomahawk on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 11:13am.
lol WOW! I yelled back at her, "SHUT THE FUCK UP PLEASE YOU A BREAKING MY STRIDE! SHIT."
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All I got so far were the guys trying to smother me, guess they had no breath left to yell back...
Doesn't it bother men that they're sticking their dick in a hole where another dick has recently been?
I think I already know the answer.
Submitted by snowpiece on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 11:19am.
if the Chinese made it none of y'allz HUGE peens would fit in it anyway!
racism reported!!!!
Trifecta of hate in action!
if the Chinese made it none of y'allz HUGE peens would fit in it anyway!
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Submitted by louise_brooks on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 10:19am.
Bitch, you are not better then Keanu Reeves!
Submitted by tomahawk on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 11:13am.
lol WOW! I yelled back at her, "SHUT THE FUCK UP PLEASE YOU A BREAKING MY STRIDE! SHIT."
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 10:43am.
Submitted by FrappenBloat on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 10:35am.
Why is it so slow?! I'm not man, but, in my experience guys like to go like a damn jack rabbit after a slow start
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There are many techniques. Just like some women like like it soft, slow, and romantic and some want you to jack-hammer your way to China while she grabs you by the throat and screams and humiliates you COM' ON JACK IS THAT ALL YOU GOT MOTHERFUCKER!!? IS THAT ALL YOU GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!??!!!! *nervous eye twitch*
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*lol* the latter would be me then, I guess.
I'm not gonna lie - I'd try it.
It would just be for fun, though - I've had the snip. : )
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If you don't mind my asking, what is "the snip?"
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We are all made of stars.
Submitted by suckandfuck on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 10:20am.
I need a SPOONING Machine!!!
Oh cool just throw me out like last week's GARBAGE.
It doesn't look adjustable for height, so if you're tall (or short) do you just whack at the side of the machine with your weenis until the sperms come flyin' out?
Also, had I a weenis of my own, I'm pretty sure I'd feel safer sticking it in Paris's hoohah than that thing.
~*~Hello, my baby! Hello, my honey! Hello, my ragtime gal....~*~
THIS is what they need in bar restrooms, not that dumb pregnancy tester. It's no more mechanical than the usual 1 a.m. hookup.
Yes, but does it come with a shower attachment?
I would recommend a cup holder so you can put your beer down.
"BILLY! Whats that noise?"
"Uhhh uhhhh uhhhh I'm making a uhhhhh smoothie"
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My lover....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mz147m98jdQ&feature=related
OMYGAWD, the yellow devils built a machine that puts the likes of Kim Fatasshian and Parasite Hilton out of their jobs.
PS: and likely this machine is assembled from less plastic parts than the aforementioned.
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Do you want a banana?
No i don't wanna
Submitted by FrappenBloat on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 10:35am.
Why is it so slow?! I'm not man, but, in my experience guys like to go like a damn jack rabbit after a slow start
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There are many techniques. Just like some women like like it soft, slow, and romantic and some want you to jack-hammer your way to China while she grabs you by the throat and screams and humiliates you COM' ON JACK IS THAT ALL YOU GOT MOTHERFUCKER!!? IS THAT ALL YOU GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!??!!!! *nervous eye twitch*
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
When did China develop an infertility problem? No, that's just how they market the Lazyboy 2012, like those massage wands they show in gift catalogs being used on the upper back.
Submitted by FrappenBloat on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 10:35am.
And why for the love of god did he put his finger in there?!
It works THAT well.
Why is it so slow?! I'm not man, but, in my experience guys like to go like a damn jack rabbit after a slow start so that will be interesting, standing by, watching that machine get shunted all over the floor!
And why for the love of god did he put his finger in there?!
Click play to see it in action and if you've got a peen, prepare to fall in love and throw ALL the engagement rings at it:
LMAO, MK!
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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
Its product name is 'Penis automatic receiver 15' also know as a PAR15. I think there may be a court case soon :(
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My lover....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mz147m98jdQ&feature=related
I'm not gonna lie - I'd try it.
It would just be for fun, though - I've had the snip. : )
God....that poor machine. It must feel like such a used slore! :(
* 100% hotness verified by WHAMO. :P *
www.poopreport.com :)
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RIMADYL KILLS
I hope it doesn't have a super strong suction so if the guy passes out, it doesn't rip his dick off when he falls over.
Please PLEASE PLEAAASE I need a SPOONING Machine!!!
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
LOL, Hekki and Whamo. Let me at it... Lights would be flickering all over the clinic. I'd cripple that damn thing.
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 09/24/2012 - 10:04am.
If there is ONE thing all men are capable of, no matter WHAT, it's extracting their own sperm.
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LOL, true AND if a dude has a problem jerkin it I can't imagine the thought of 800 guys sticking their dicks into this would help you get off.
There is NO WAY IN HELL I would put it in THAT!
I'll never stop laughing or grow bored of the John Travolta comments.
I salute you MK, you're a funny bastard.
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VILE - Linda La Hughes (gimme, gimme)
DEAR MOTHERFUCKING SANTA....!
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
Thank you for your powers of innovation, Science and Technology! Who the fuck needs a cure for cancer anyway.
WTF!, I want to know what all those buttons do, vibrate, pulse or do they bring up various porn clips to watch on the screen?
Only the Chinese could come up with something so fucked up
Why? Why? WHY??!
Whoever invented this must be independently wealthy because I can't imagine anyone financing the most redundant machine ever invented. ("Your prototype does what, again? Nope. I don't think there's a market for that. But I'd like a few minutes alone with it just to inspect it.")
If there is ONE thing all men are capable of, no matter WHAT, it's extracting their own sperm.