The 2012 Emmy Winners Presented By Kat Dennings’ Chichis
Since today’s theme is turning into cleavage of all kinds, here’s Kat Dennings hiking her chichi balls up so high that the feet of the angels can practically touch them. The Emmys should’ve opened last night with Kat and Christina Hendricks trying to hug, because that would’ve been a real show. It would’ve looked like four baby sumo wrestlers head butting each other over and over again. No, the Emmys didn’t do that. They decided to hand out a bunch of awards to a bunch of boring ass shows instead.
You know what would’ve been easier? If they just showed a live shot of a dump truck backing up into Honey Boo Boo Chile’s front lawn and dumping hundreds upon hundreds of trophies in front of her house. The Emmys can retire forever, because no other show will come close to reaching the levels of artistic excellence that Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has reached. Just give Mama June all the Emmys and everyone can go home.
But the dumb bitches at the Emmys didn’t do that either. They spent 3 hours passing out trophies and you can click here for a full list, but I threw some of the winners after the cut. If you say the line “Should’ve been Mama June’s Forklift Foot” after reading each winner’s name, you’d be telling nothing but the truth! GO!
Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family
(Side note: This definitely should’ve been one of Mama June’s chins or Glitzy.)
Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series
Julie Bowen, Modern Family
Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series
Jon Cryer, Two And A Half Men
Outstanding Lead Actress In A Comedy Series
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Outstanding Reality-Competition Program
The Amazing Race
Outstanding Host For A Reality Or Reality-Competition Program
Tom Bergeron, Dancing With The Stars
Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Drama Series
Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad
Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Drama Series
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series
Damian Lewis, Homeland
Outstanding Lead Actress In A Drama Series
Claire Danes, Homeland
Outstanding Writing For A Variety Special
Louis C.K., Live At The Beacon Theatre
Outstanding Variety Series
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or A Movie
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story
Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Miniseries Or A Movie
Tom Berenger, Hatfields & McCoys
Outstanding Lead Actress In A Miniseries Or A Movie
Julianne Moore, Game Change
Outstanding Lead Actor In A Miniseries Or A Movie
Kevin Costner, Hatfields & McCoys
Outstanding Miniseries or Movie
Game Change
Outstanding Drama Series
Homeland
Outstanding Comedy Series
Modern Family
And here’s just a few pictures from last night (and yes, as soon as I stop spending all my money on lube and weed, I’m going to pay someone to redo the broke ass gallery): Kat Dennings with Nick Zano, Jessica Lange, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Aaron Paul, Damian Lewis, Claire Danes, Julianne Moore, Louis C.K., Keith Urban with Nicole Kidman, Hayden Pantywhatevers, Zooey Deschanel, Ginnifer Goodwin, Ashley Judd, Julianne Marguiles, Lucy Liu, Emily from Revenge, Glenn Close, Dr. Blossom, Kelly Osbourne, Peter Dinklage, Heidi Klum, Morena Baccarin, Edie Falco, Ellen & Portia, Lena Dunham and Tina Fey with her husband Jeff Richmond.
