Hot Slut Of The Day!

September 23, 2012 / Posted by:

The slutty abandoned couch who got caught having public sex! (Disclaimer: The abandoned couch in the picture above is not the abandoned couch in this story. The abandoned couch in this story is way hotter and way sluttier looking than that abandoned couch above.)

Gerard P. Streator, a 46-year-old hotel employee from Waukesha, Wisconsin (Side Note: If I ever have a first born, it’s name will be Waukesha.) is facing a charge of one count of lewd and lascivious behavior after some prude ass off-duty cop caught him bareback fucking the loose change out of a hot abandoned couch on the curb. You know what they say, more cushion for the pushin’.

The off-duty cop was jogging at around 11pm when he noticed that Gerard the sofa fucker was giving it good to a couch’s cooch. When the cop screamed at Gerard, “What are you doing?“, he pulled out and ran away. The cop chased Gerard to his apartment building and found out his name. The cock-blocking cop reported Gerard to the local police station, and the next day cops showed up and his wife told them he was asleep in their bed (uh huh) the night before. Gerard was issued a court appearance notice and if he ever gets convicted of that dumb charge, he could spend 9 months in prison and get a fine of up to $10,000.

I know exactly what’s going on here and I know why that off-duty cop is really trying to stick it to Gerard the same way Gerard stuck it to that slutty couch. One day not that long ago, the off-duty cop’s wife came home and dropped all the grocery’s on the floor when she caught him deep dicking the slutty couch without a plastic cover on. The off-duty cop lied to his wife and said it was just a one time thing and it’d never happen again, but the truth was not coming out of his mouth. That slutty couch wasn’t just a one-time side piece, the off-duty cop was so in love with it that he couldn’t even sit on another sofa, because it felt wrong. The wife knew this and so one day she dropped that home wrecking slut whore of a couch on the curb. The off-duty cop wasn’t “jogging” that night, he was out looking for his true love. And when he found it, he also found Gerard fucking his true love’s cushion seams loose. So the off-duty cop isn’t going after Gerard in the name of THINK OF THE CHILDREN WHO WILL THINK IT’S OKAY TO HAVE PREMARITAL SEX WITH ANY ANY WHORY PIECE OF UPHOLSTERY ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, he’s going after Gerard in the name of BETRAYAL!

So that slutty sofa has wrecked a home, is one of the reasons why a man might go to prison, has probably given dozens of dudes a case of bed bugs in their pube bushes and its got grown men fighting over its tight cushion slits. That slutty abandoned sofa is my new idol and my new favorite abandoned sofa!

via Waukesha Patch

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