There’s Nothing Sweeter Than His And Hers Sex Tapes

No, that isn’t another picture of the immaculate restoration of Ecce Homo. It’s icky homo and gay fish Kanye Kardashian (née West) adjusting the video camera so it gets a clear shot of his taco meat-covered mopey titties in action as he breaks a trick like her coochie’s a MacBook Air. Since Kanye’s heffa ass ho Kim Kartrashian has a sex tape, he made his own so they both have touching memories to share with their future children on family home video night. Radar says they’ve seen a 20 minute-long video of Kanye pounding into some 18-year-old piece like she’s an ALL-CAPS keyboard.

Radar calls Kanye’s fuck tape co-star a married Kim Kardashian look-alike who says on camera that she’s 18 and she’s there because her husband doesn’t wet hump her anymore. (No, bitch, you’re there because you answered Kanye’s Craigslist ad and you messed up your lines. You were supposed to say, “I’m here, because Kanye West is God wrapped in Jesus wrapped in all the apostles and I am surrendering my humble body in the name of everything that is holy and everything that is holy is Kanye. Hash tag YOLO! Hash tag KanyeWestSexTape2012BuyIt!”)

Radar also says that Kanye’s peen is covered in a rubber the entire time and he doesn’t ever kiss his trick on the lips, because he didn’t want to smear his Balenciaga lip gloss. (“But Michael, they don’t sell Balenciaga lip gloss in stores.” – you “Exactly.” – me) Some porn industry insider says that the tape was shot right before he started dating Kim and that he broke down in tears (of fame whore joy) when he found out the tape was being shopped around. The porn industry insider went on to say this:

“The sex tape is being shopped right now and there’s a lot of interest, but Kanye is freaking out! He doesn’t want this tape out and will do anything to make sure it stays private. If this were to hit the market it would be worth a fortune… there would definitely be a lot of people wanting to see this! In my expert opinion Kanye’s performance far outweighs Kim’s!”

In MY expert opinion, a comatose wart hog’s performance far outweighs Kim’s.

Please, this staged sex tape mess is just another production from Pimp Mama Kris. If you want to be fully accepted by the Kardashian family, the world has to see your bare ass bouncing in the air on a sex tape. It’s not a sex tape, it’s an initiation ceremony.

And if you want to see a Kanye sex tape, just watch any one of his music videos. It’s nothing but him finger banging his ego raw over and over again.

And here’s Kim infecting Melbourne yesterday.