Zsa Zsa Gabor’s leg was surgically Heather Mills’d early last year after a glamour-hating blood clot of bitchiness refused to go away. Since then, Zsa Zsa’s been lying on the pink satin comforter on the princess bed in her boudoir and she didn’t notice that the white marabou slipper on her other leg was all by itself until six months after the fact. Prince Von A-Hole, Zsa Zsa’s husband and the warden of her crystal prison, told Page Six at a charity event in L.A. the other night that she barely found out she only has one leg and she doesn’t even know that she eats through a feeding tube. Prince Von-A-Hole said this about the moment 95-year-old Zsa Zsa found out that something was different:
“It took over a half a year. She found out about it when she told me to sit her up, and she saw it. She couldn’t feel it because [one] hand is paralyzed and [one] hand was too short to go on it . Finally, a half-year later she said, ‘There is something missing.’ She doesn’t even know she gets food through the tube. It will only upset her. She was so glamorous always, and she is so vain.”
How depressing. If I had a jewelry chest full of rhinestones, I’d put them all on, fill the fancy plastic bowl I stole from a wedding with Andre and dunk my head in there for the rest of the day. Prince Von A-Hole also said that he hasn’t told Zsa Zsa that her good friend Phyllis Diller flew off to heaven on the wings of a wig, because he doesn’t want to give her any bad news. So Zsa Zsa’s missing leg has been gilded and is displayed on the wall of the Smithsonian somewhere (I’m guessing), her hand is taking a permanent nap (please don’t tell me it’s her slappin’ hand) and he doesn’t want to give her bad news? Lord.
If I was Zsa Zsa, I’d want Prince Von A-Hole to give me all the shitty news right now. Because knowing that I’m going to spend the rest of my life looking at his face makes all the crappy news seem not that bad in comparison.