Kristen Stewart’s Soul Is Too Creative To Do A Make-Up Campaign

September 19, 2012 / Posted by:

Kristen Stewart is the face of a perfume (that surprisingly isn’t made by Hazmat or RAID), has been on the cover of dozens of fashion magazines, made millions of dollars from being the fifth layer of crust on the cultural loogie called Twilight, but yet there’s one thing she won’t collect a check for and that’s a make-up campaign. Every time Kristen Stewart opens her mouth, either Rupert Sanders’ tongue goes in or a stream of wet stupid shit comes falling out. This time, KStew spewed up the stupid to Germany’s Glamour magazine (via CM & TI) when they asked her about leasing her face out to Balenciega’s fragrance. KStew said that she didn’t sign her face over to Balenciega because they waved the biggest stack of money at her, she’s with them because the brand spoke to her:

“Balenciaga has always stood out to me. Even when I first began to consider fashion and admittedly rarely knew the brand I was wearing, I always knew and loved Balenciaga. It feels full circle to be involved with something that spoke to me then and of course continues to excite me now. The brand is just cool. That’s the way it is.”

Dear the brand of Balenciaga, the next time you speak to KStew, tell her to bite on a stick of cállate.

And then KStew said something that will make every make-up artist that works on her face scribble “STFU TWAT” on her forehead with a permanent marker:

“I would never work with people who aren’t really creative and aren’t committed to what they do. Unfortunately, there are a lot of those people out there, they are fucking everywhere, and they try to suck the soul out of you. For example, I would never do a make-up campaign, even though the [final] photos with me would probably look good. Thank you, but it doesn’t interest me.”

Most of us graduate from that “I’m unique! I’m special! I listen to Morrissey so I know things!” phase when we leave the 7th grade, but KStew refuses to do this. Bitch, you’re in Twilight!

KStew never has to worry about someone sucking her soul, because you need a soul in order for a ho to suck it out of you. Trying to suck out KStew’s soul is like trying to suck off Shia LaBeouf. There’s nothing there to fill your mouth and you just walk away feeling gross on the inside. I’m pretty sure KStew also doesn’t have to worry about someone asking her to do a make-up campaign. Unless Phaedra Parks is looking for a walking corpse to be the face of her own brand of mortician’s wax, I doubt KStew is going to get a makeup campaign anytime soon.

(Thanks, Cindy Loo Who) 

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