The Bump Don't Lie: Shakira Is Having A BABY!!!!
Shakira announced on her Facebook page today that yes, she wrapped herself around Pique's torta peen and the two made a fetus together that is now living in her uterus, which looks exactly like the sparkly cave in the She-Wolf video. Shakira didn't say how long her fetus has been in there or if it should take some Dramamine pills so it doesn't get all dizzy in the head when she's chair spinning on The Voice, but she's knocked up enough to cancel a few appearances. Shakira had this to say and I'm also pasting the Spanish translation, because I'm GOOPY Paltrow and you're Apple Martin and you're only allowed to read pregnancy announcements in Spanish:
As some of you may know, Gerard and I are very happy awaiting the arrival of our first baby! At this time we have decided to give priority to this unique moment in our lives and postpone all the promotional activities planned over the next few days.
This means I will not be able to be a part of the iHeartRadio Music Festival, but I’m sure this weekend in Las Vegas will be spectacular and I will be closely following everything that happens there!
I’d like to thank Clear Channel and my fans for their constant love and understanding.
Big kiss!
And will see you very soon!
Shakira——-
Como muchos de uds saben, Gerard y yo estamos muy felices esperando la llegada de nuestro primer bebé.
En esta ocasión hemos decidido darle prioridad a este momento único en nuestras vidas y es por esto que hemos decidido postergar las actividades promocionales de los próximos días.
Agradezco a mis fans por el cariño y la comprensión de siempre y estoy segura que este fin de semana en Las Vegas será espectacular, estaré siguiendo muy de cerca el concierto de iHeartRadio y todo lo que pase allí.
Un beso muy grande,
Nos vemos pronto!
Shakira
But will Shakira's breasts stay small and humble so we don't confuse them with mountains?! That's the only thing I want to know. Other than that, I'll be in the corner making a crib mobile for Shakira's kid using pictures of its daddy making hand love with another dude while trapped in a heart-shaped bubble of preciousness. Because nothing is more soothing than footballer-on-footballer love.
via UsWeekly
• 
Oh myyyyyyy! Those two dudes are definitely doing each other. I bet they did it right there in the back seat of that car.
Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 10:20pm.
Her relationships are so weird. Is there any chance she's a gayelle? She did have that song "There's a she-wolf in your closet..." You never know.
Her man is so gay. Here more Pique and his "low key homo ways"
Well, I'm Spanish and the rumor that Pique is gay still continues since a long time. I don't like her. I don't like his music. I don't understand when she talks and is very egocentric. We all know that she knows how to move but don't do it in every fucking time. It's boring. She is 10 years more than him and he is her toy. Here it says that Piqué has not sought out that pregnancy.
Now, Zlatan and Gerard together, that was HOT!
He is hot!
I love her old music, the new shit kinda sucks but congrats!
and LOL MK "But will Shakira's breasts stay small and humble so we don't confuse them with mountains?! "
I remember the first time I heard that I asked my sister, "did she just say what I thought she did?" LOL good times
**************************
Submitted by louise_brooks on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 10:19am.
Bitch, you are not better then Keanu Reeves!
I love Shakira, that's one sexy bitch. Hips don't lie, indeed.
"Shut up, bitch - it hurts to be beautiful" - Richie K. 2005
According to Kelly Osbourne Gaga is pregnant too. Sometimes Mother Nature messes up.
-----------------------------------------------
Who are you calling silly cow?
Submitted by Dame Chupacabra on Thu, 09/20/2012 - 10:16am.
That's what I thought too! Her and the Venezuela President's son were together like 11 years or something but I guess they broke up. This is a different dude. *shrugs*
I used to like Shakira until my friend worked with her on tour and said she was the biggest C U Next Tuesday ever.
Congrats to her I guess meh.
**************************************************************
Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
Shakira is living my life in (IWISH LAND)... :-(
Isn't her husband a presidents son or something?
and she's beatiful, and she's rich and has an active brain... and is famous and... arghh *slaps self*
Team Cameeeerrrrroooon!
Dude looks like Jack Osborn but even he wouldn't be caught dead in a faux fur collared toggle coat.
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 10:31pm.
I checked my fuck bank, and unfortunately I am all out of fucks to give for this here situation.
-------------------------------
same here.
-----------------------------------------
"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK
He looks dumb as a stump, soccer players are randy and will never be faithful. I hope her ass doesn't go south after this.
________________________________________________
What is her problem? She's just laying there...
Not that I'm invested in her (or any celeb), but I was sorry when she broke up with her long-time Argentinian BF. From far away, it seemed like they were a good, stable match.
I loved me that Fijación Oral CD. Wore it out.
..................
Sam Flax, Fire Doesn't Burn Itself Live @ The Echo, Silverlake, 9/20/12
Submitted by paulapoo on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 9:59pm.
Damn wtf is with that dude's chompers? He looks like that derp kid in A Christmas Story that's waiting in line to see Santa: "I like the Wizard of Oz..."
i laughed so hard at this, i had a mini asthma attack!
Submitted by Darknight on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 10:38pm.
Fuckin finally! Hopefully she gets really fat and my hubby stops having fantasies of her. I can finally stop wearing the shakira costume with wig and popping my hips to get me some.
_________________________
Lol!
_________________________
The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
Gay? He just European.
Sorry - always thought she was a butterface.
Don't know who he is but that man looks like he's packing some major heat in his pants. yum
Submitted by Scott in NYC on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 11:32pm.
When you throw down, you throw down! I LOVE IT.
I hope she lets her natural hair color come in now that she's pregnant. So much better than blonde on her! Meh, I am still not quite the fan of her English stuff and her Spanish stuff lately is terribly trite. But oh well, congrats.
This guy sort of resembles Perez Hilton....except Perez is hideously unattractive and looks anorexic. Hopefully this guy is nothing like him (i.e., has a measurable penis).
Mturtle.. No, that's William Levy... HOTNESS
is she bearding? is he bi?
congrats I guess? yeah, congrats.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
Oh my. That photo of the hand love is pretty damning. HAHAHAHAHA. Maybe she just wanted a pretty baby with her gay BFF like that movie with Madonna and Rupert Everett (Did I make that up?)
Felicidades! En hora buena! Congrats shakira!
Maybe they're both bi - who cares really.
Is he the guy in the m&m commercial?
Fuckin finally! Hopefully she gets really fat and my hubby stops having fantasies of her. I can finally stop wearing the shakira costume with wig and popping my hips to get me some.
It's never too late to be who you might have been.
~George Eliot~
He's ten years younger, but she probably has Xuxa money. And that's a lot of money. The Latins keep their celebrities celebrities for a lot longer than the US public does (ask Brit and X-tina and J-Lo).
Great...now what?
............................................
I checked my fuck bank, and unfortunately I am all out of fucks to give for this here situation.
·...¸><((((º>·´¯`·. ¸.><((((º> .·´¯`·..·><((((º>
Visit The Freckle on Lindsay Lohan's Lip on Facebook.
Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 10:20pm.
----------------------------
Maybe he's just really affectionate, with the hugging and...hand holding...in a room full of guys draping their legs around each other...ok he gay.
Her relationships are so weird. Is there any chance she's a gayelle? She did have that song "There's a she-wolf in your closet..." You never know.
Her man is so gay. Here more Pique and his "low key homo ways":
http://www.fanpop.com/spots/gerard-pique/images/14521366/title/pique-gay...
Submitted by mike on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 8:22pm.
She's taking Xtina's spot on The Voice for Season 4. We'll be hearing more about her, unfortunately.
I agree with whoever said he looks more into the dude than her. *rolls eyes*
I like the idea of Shakira, but she can't sing. It's as if a bleating baby goat is being molested to death.
-----------------------
"Somewhere, Jennifer Love Hewitt is vagazzling the words "FUCK MY LIFE" onto her crotch while deep throating a Pillsbury cookie dough roll".--MK
Submitted by mike on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 9:26pm.
Wait - is the dude above his shoulder the same guy he's sharing a tender moment in the pic MK hyperlinked in the post?
----------------
The guy in the linked photo is, according to Towleroad, Zlatan Ibrahimovic.
´¨¨) -:¦:-
¸.•´ .•´¨¨)
(¸¸.•´ ..•´ but what do I know?-:¦:-
-:¦:- (¸¸.•´*
Is her man bi or gay, cause that pic is confusing those dudes look like they are in love, so is Shakira his beard,l I am confused!!!
Damn wtf is with that dude's chompers? He looks like that derp kid in A Christmas Story that's waiting in line to see Santa: "I like the Wizard of Oz..."
WinterOwl: If thats the case I'll just stick to Natalia Lafourcade and Julietta Venegas; although, Larfourcade tends to be a bit "cursi" at times.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 9:22pm.
--
Whamo, Whenever, Wherever and you watched, her Hips don't lie! lol *shake shake shake* ;p
@Wowlie, those two songs of hers had a nice sound. That's probably where Wham saw her shakin' it!
•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░
JessicaGiovanna, ITA. she should focus on Spanish albums for a few years. I still like her. Unfortunately, I recently read that she was working with some dance music types for her next album. Not. Looking. Forward to it. : /
_________________________
The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
Stoney, she probably wants to stay at home so she can sit on the couch and watch tv all day and pig out. She's probably using this as an opportunity to get faaaat!!
_________________________
The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
I HATE how she sounds in English; sounds like she's fighting a severe sinus infection. Nevertheless, I will admit that I was a huge fan of her spanish albums since the late 90s. Although I later on felt as though I outgrew her music/lyrics and often wondered about her maturity level.
Why can't she do her job and perform? She isn't ill. Honor your commitments, you dumb bitch.
_____________________________________________
"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 9:22pm.
Who cares about this vapid glorified pole dancer? Of the three or four times I've seen her I half expected her to take her clothes off.
________________________
I was about to say that you were wrong and too harsh but then I read the second part and agree with that! I like her though and think she's talented.
_________________________
The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
Awww, that pic in the link is preee-esh-uss!
I think Shakira has been around for years, and has two hits I know of and having dark roots and blonde hair is her style, as well as constantly shaking her ass.
And nothing else (other than she sounds like a latino Kermit). Amiright?
________________________________
Dark-sided!
She dated for more of a decade the son of a Argentinian President (De la Rua) that took Argentina to a financial crisis. Riots happen, people were killed and he and his dad say "bye bye"in a helicopter.
Then she acts like she is a Angel for poor kids of the Unicef...fucking fake piece of trash.
Wait - is the dude above his shoulder the same guy he's sharing a tender moment in the pic MK hyperlinked in the post?
Who cares about this vapid glorified pole dancer? Of the three or four times I've seen her I half expected her to take her clothes off.
Yawn.
Submitted by how dare you on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 8:11pm.
Why be this gay man havin' a baby with this lass?
I too thought it looks like Perez Hilton b4 he became Skeletor.