Dr. Phil’s Happy Time Drunk Hour With White Oprah

September 17, 2012 / Posted by:

If you missed today’s episode of Dr. Phil with a high as three shades of hell White Oprah, then just take a smug bullfrog and a mangy alley dog hopped up on uppers, downers and middlers, and watch as the latter stares and giggles at the former until it passes out in a puddle of its own drool. Or just watch the supercut Vulture put together. Pharmacists should put the url of this video on the bottles of painkillers warning bitches on what can happen when you mix your pills with equal parts pills and delusion.

Dr. Phil started off the interview by saying that Lindsay Lohan’s pimp and enabler called up his producers to say that she wanted to show the world the real her. White Oprah showed us the real her alright and the real her is a slurring, pilled-up disaster who talks and lies just like her daughter. White Oprah didn’t want to talk about anything and I’m guessing she was only there because Dr. Phil put her up in a hotel and she wanted to swallow the mini bar whole.

Dr. Phil asked her about how Michael Lohan used to beat her, but she didn’t want to talk about that. Dr. Phil asked her about how Michael Lohan broke into her house, but she didn’t want to talk about that. Dr. Phil asked her about how Michael Lohan claims she stole $4,000 out of LiLo’s purse, but she didn’t want to talk about that. White Oprah just awkwardly giggled, pretend cried, commented on Dr. Phil’s shoes and kept asking if the cameras were rolling. Yes, the cameras are rolling, bitch, and so are you. You’re rolling on ecstasy, booze and whatever pills you stole from Nana Lohan’s medicine cabinet.

Meanwhile, Dr. Phil sat there like a condescending fart bubble and acted like he was concerned and cared, but he was totally squealing out rainbows on the inside, because he knew this mess would be ratings gold.

White Oprah asking Dr Phil “Can we pound to that?” and him turning her down sums up this whole smug vs. crazy train wreck. When you ask Dr. Phil if he wants to pound (any kind of pounding) and he turns you down, that confirms that there is a rock bottom under rock bottom and you’ve reached it.

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