The Creative Emmy Awards (aka The Your Shit Isn’t Good Enough For The Emmys That Shows On TV ceremony) was held in the employees break room at the Staples Center in L.A. yesterday and Christina Hendricks landed on the red carpet looking like this. I’m guessing Christina is saving the panty creaming theatrics for the REAL Emmys next Sunday, but still, how does this happen? For some reason, this dreadful look reminds me of when my 12-year-old self used to wrap Christmas presents with bed sheets and bows made of pillow cases. I don’t know if bitch fell into the curtains or the curtains fell into her.
Where are the chichis?! Whenever Christina comes out wearing a low-cut neckline with her chichis pouring out like thick white clouds of ethereal mist rising above Mt. Olympus, some hating whores always have to say shit like, “Ugh! She always has to show her tits! We know she has tits! Why does she always have to remind us she has tits?” Shut your mouth on a training bra, bitch. We need to be reminded. Remind us, Christina! Remind us, Christina! It’s like we’ve all seen a beautiful sunset a million times and yet whenever there’s a beautiful sunset before us, we take a picture of it with our iPhone, upload that picture to Instagram and then refresh a million times waiting for our friends to say, “OMG what a beautiful sunset!“
Christina’s chichis are like a beautiful sunset. They never get old, they’re a work of natural art and they’re best viewed while eating cheeses and sipping table wine on a picnic blanket with our friends.
And speaking of shit that didn’t need to happen last night. Jeremy Davies won a Best Guest Actor in a Drama Emmy for the acting stuff he did on Justified, and he collected his trophy with this on his head:
That hair is only okay if you’re Dominic from The Real World: Los Angeles or a guinea pig who just got gang banged in a tornado.
Here’s the others who showed up to last night’s Emmys Stepchild Awards: Juna from The Comeback, Nick Offerman with Megan Mullally, Padma Lakshmi, Dot Jones, DJ Tanner, Margaret Cho, Melissa McCarthy (looking like a Mennonite bridesmaid), Brenda Strong and Neil Patrick Harris with his hags.