Nick Lachey & Vanessa Minnillo Are Somebody's Parents Now
Countdown to Vanessa Minnillo's "HOW I GOT MAH BODEEEEEEE BACK!" cover of Life & Style.
For some reason, I always forget that Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson never made a baby together. Maybe it's because I want to believe that right before they quit each other they had a surprise love child who Jessica unknowingly gave birth to into a toilet. Then Papa Joe snatched up that secret love child and gave it to the maternal Georgia peach known as Mama June. That love child grew up to be America's sweetheart Honey Boo Boo Chile!!!! Honey Boo Boo does have Jessica's palate, so this makes sense. As far as we know, though, Nick and Jessica never spawned together, but now they both have their own baby with other hos.
Nick Lachey's wife of a year, Vanessa Minnillo, popped out a baby boy last night and they pushed out this statement to People afterward:
“We are incredibly proud to announce the birth of our beautiful baby boy, Camden John Lachey. Born today at 6:54 p.m., he came into this world at 8 lbs., 9 oz. and 21 inches. Love has truly been redefined for both of us.”
I'm punching myself in the bone helmet covering my brain for knowing this, but Kristin Calamariswhatever from The Hills also named her kid Camden. Camdens are taking over the world. Camden as a first name doesn't totally make my eyes roll to the side, but "Camden John" sounds like the nickname Amy Winehouse gave her toilet. But congratulations to Camden John who will get dozens of jealous looks from the other babies when his father breastfeeds him in the park. I mean, Nick totally holds more leche in his titty sacks than Vanessa does.
And brace yourselves for the eventual 2032 People cover that will read: "Newlyweds 2.0! Maxwell Drew Johnson & Camden John Lachey MARRIED!" We should start drinking now.
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he looks way happier now.
he used to always look at his ex like "this bitch dumb as rocks, and she has big titties, and doesn't suck dick....#hotblondefail"
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"Oh, let me see if there's any fucks stuck under
my nails. Nope. Fresh out of fucks."
What's with naming your kid after cities? Camden Town (as someone else mentioned, the cracky hole of London and the one all US Camdens are named after) would not be the first on my list to name my kiddo...
Was it her, or her Dad that ruined the marriage?
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What in the praying mantis crackhooker hell is this?! - MK 9/09
Submitted by didimao on Thu, 09/13/2012 - 10:27pm.
Is it just me, or is Nick forcing his smile? Maybe I am wrong, even though each has moved on, neither of them are truly happy. When Nick and Jessica were together, they looked so in love and very happy. They both seem to be faking it ever since. Like in this video of them, the way they look at each other.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-dyWnl4Bfc
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I agree...I loved them together too. I'm convinced they long to be back together lol. I can't believe she fucked it up...
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...the end
Now he has to marry Maxwell! I picture this being a Romeo and Juliette romance.
Congrats to these two. Both look great! Yes, covers will follow but they stay pretty much under the radar. BONUS!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Vanessa looks beautiful. She has one my top three favorite celebrity figures.
Nick hasn't aged at all. Still looks hot.
Is it just me, or is Nick forcing his smile? Maybe I am wrong, even though each has moved on, neither of them are truly happy. When Nick and Jessica were together, they looked so in love and very happy. They both seem to be faking it ever since. Like in this video of them, the way they look at each other.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-dyWnl4Bfc
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What in the praying mantis crackhooker hell is this?! - MK 9/09
Camden is the name of a super-snooty small town in SC. My aunt lives there. Nice place, if you're rich and white. Kind of a weird name for a kid though.
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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
Submitted by Husbands_and_Wives on Thu, 09/13/2012 - 5:48pm.
Not to mention Camden, the crack-den of London.
I just can't with the name Camden.
Camden, NJ is such a hellhole that the name is forever tainted in my eyes. I associate the name "Camden" with a post-apocalyptic lawless wasteland with roaming gangs and violence. It needs to be burned down and given back to nature because it's completely hopeless. *shudder*
...My darling can't you see
My heart sounds just for you my dear...
Congratulations to them both. I like her on Wipeout which I watch with my kids (it surprised me that I would, lol).
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I like her much better than when Jill Wagner was on it. I can't believe I still watch that show either. An ex and I watched it one nigh while on shrooms and we laughed so hard that we pissed ourselves, and I don't think I've missed an episode of Wipeout since.
*I'm ashamed of what I did for a Klondike Bar*
I'm sorry but what is UP with pregnant women and social media? I can't with the "new mommy" posts/tweets/blogs where they post a "bump" picture every 5 seconds. On a brighter note, at least they gave the kid a normal name.
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Also, when you end a statement with "Kim Kardashian is fabulous," all your previous points are INVALID, because obviously you have lost your damn mind." - MK
Congratulations to them both. I like her on Wipeout which I watch with my kids (it surprised me that I would, lol).
Sans Fard, OMG with that blog site!!! :)
Submitted by IrishFury on Thu, 09/13/2012 - 3:57pm.
Parenting is only hard when you do it right.
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Amen sister.
I have kids of mine own and I pretty much hate other people's kids. The last guy I dated had kids. His youngest two were the kind of spoiled little shits that people hate.
Parenting is only hard when you do it right.
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Dark-sided!
So whats the big deal?
Submitted by estee logger on Thu, 09/13/2012 - 3:54pm.
Hiya Estee. Yeah, I think there is wisdom in simplifying life. It doesn't have to be all that complicated. Common sense and smarts go a long way.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 09/13/2012 - 3:11pm.
If you pay attention to kids and are patient, I find they act better. Who knows, but I think behavior, in most cases, is a reflection of the parenting.
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Hi Evil:
I think that you would be a great parent (I know you don't want to go there!). What you said is so simple, so basic but for some reason just not practiced often enough. Patience, loving attention, boundaries and consistency is pretty much all it takes.
She's gorge.
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I like kids well enough but don't wish to have any of my own. I feel that I would raise my own child properly but being part of the mom club would force to me to deal with other's obnoxious brats who are the product of today's lazy parenting. For every one great kid there's twenty assholes. The odds just aren't in our favor.
I think good parents should be given a medal. It's hard to restrain yourself when someone else's shithead kid hits your child on the playground and the parent does nothing or laughs it off. I'm the type that would probaly kick sand in the kid's eyes when his mother turns her back. See why I wouldn't be good as mom?:)
Submitted by justjane on Thu, 09/13/2012 - 1:06pm.
Camden is one of the saddest, scariest cities in this country...I just can't with that name.
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Tell me about it. I lived in Camden for several years while I went to grad school. Horribly bleak, depressing, and scary place.
Did she have a c-section or no? She is probably skinnier than JSimp already. lol
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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
ubmitted by Bizzarelife on Thu, 09/13/2012 - 2:26pm.
Biz, I think bratty kids are the result of bad parenting OR being spoiled rotten by everyone around them. I bet your child would be a nice kid, because you would raise him/her that way. I have babysat for relatives and friends and because I treat the kids with respect and am patient, they always act better with me, than they do with their parents, which usually pisses the parents off.
If you pay attention to kids and are patient, I find they act better. Who knows, but I think behavior, in most cases, is a reflection of the parenting.
Aw. Congrats to them! No shade from me. :)
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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
Submitted by annobanano on Thu, 09/13/2012 - 2:30pm.
@ Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 09/13/2012 - 12:47pm.
Grosser story - years ago a coworker brought in her USED PEE STICK to show us the positive result. Seriously.
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WTF???!!! What an idiot! Hope she wasn't waiving it around, even if it was dry. Ewwwwww!
Wow, she looks great pregnant.
I like the name Camden, and "Cam" is cute for short. Good luck to them; at least they seem somewhat normal and truly in love. Don't get that vibe from Chestica and her fugly, golden shovel-raising BF.
Congratulations to Nick & Vanessa - a very cute couple! And double congratulations to Nick for NOT being married to Jessica Simpson and NOT having a child with her. Is that triple congratulations?
Wow, she looked good pregnant. I can only imagine how good she'll look when/if she loses the baby weight.
Congrats to the new parents. Now don't screw it up.
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Why don't you dance with me? I'm not no limburger.
If another D-lister reality "star" gave birth to a baby just a month prior and gave her baby the name Camden Jack, I would strongly reconsider Camden John. I can't stand when people all name their kids the same damn thing because it's trendy. Who wants to go through life with the same name as every other person on the street? Get a little bit creative.
Let's not forget that Nick's real last name is pronounced LATCH-EE but he changed it to LA-CHAY to sound more sophisticated. haha!
Camden John Lachey (Lat-chee). Congratulations, your baby is now named after a toilet flusher in America's most dangerous city.
I bet Vanessa starves herself to get skinny quickly to throw it in Chestica's utters.
Who wants to bet that Vanessa gets in shape faster than Jessica, even with that 4 month lead?
@ Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 09/13/2012 - 12:47pm.
Grosser story - years ago a coworker brought in her USED PEE STICK to show us the positive result. Seriously.
Thanks for the responses to my question. Makes sense. I had the impression that Nick really loved her & was devastated when the marriage ended. Her cheating w/Dukes co-star would fit.
What's more sad than the fact that 10,000 animals got euthanized today? The fact that because of the ignorance of humans, it will happen again tomorrow. End the cycle. Spay and neuter your pets & please adopt your next pet from a shelter.
oh FUCk, I googled mucous plus because I had no idea what it was and made the mistake of looking at images. Great, I guess this delicious steak I was going to have for lunch is going to the garbage.
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The difference between who you are and who you want to be is what you do.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 09/13/2012 - 1:14pm.
Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Thu, 09/13/2012 - 1:09pm.
LOL. I know she does FB, but I don't. I understand people excited by being first time parents, BUT those of us who are NOT your family or close friends, really care not about the bodily functions you are having issues with or about various stages of your pregnancy. One of the men who works here literally gagged when he found out about the mucous plug and how some people save placenta and eat it later. He said he was getting a vasectomy because he couldn't deal with that shit, even if another person was actually the one experiencing it. He and I are firmly, TEAM NO KIDS!
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I am starting to wonder if I should have gotten with a dude that was on that same team (NO KIDS). My boyfriend wants a kid. I told him we need time to actually get married and travel a little. Not even sure why he wants one.
I am on the fence. I would like the opportunity to do so, but I am not excited about pregnancy, MORE stretch marks (you know it), blood, pain, bitchy teenager-hood, etc. etc. My niece does some crap that I would totally beat the crap out of her for. She's a brat. I hate brats. Then, I ask myself "What if I have a brat?". It's totally possible (well, inevitable!).
pushy broad: check out STFUParents, if you're not familiar with it anyway. It's SFW.
http://www.stfuparentsblog.com/
Chock full of oversharing parents beyond your worst nightmares. This woman, for example, needs to get an epidural full of SHUT THE FUCK UP.
http://www.stfuparentsblog.com/post/31141276307/anatomy-of-an-oversharer
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SANTO DIOS! PRAISE HAY-SOOS CREASE-TOE!
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 09/13/2012 - 1:14pm, BUT those of us who are NOT your family or close friends, really care not about the bodily functions you are having issues with or about various stages of your pregnancy
Hi Evil C! Short story--A woman I worked with brought pictures (before all the new tech) of the step by step of her child's birth into our office.
From the vagina angle! Large office.
She got around to me and I said "no thank you"
in a very nice way. She was all offended and goes
"but Pushy, childbirth is a natural thing" and
I go "yeah, so is taking a shit and pissing but you don't see me bringing pictures of that in here" She was wordless.
That's a nice big baby, almost 9 pounds! and mom looks really healthy. Wonder if she had a C-section.
OMG. Bone. Helmet.
*dies laughing*
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Rukiddingme...I THINK it was because of that meddling Papa Joe. He was always in their business, and I think Nick got sick of it. That's what I remember reading in the gossip blogs.
www.poopreport.com :)
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RIMADYL KILLS
Thank you Cupcake...that is sweet and I appreciate it.
There have been plenty of times as a parent where I felt like jumping out a window, but the endearing stuff they do definately outweighs the bad in most cases. It's definately a lottery with kids. You never know what you're going to get.
My philosophy has always been that I will raise them in a loving home with morals and good values, then it's up to them to decide where they're going to take it from there. Many parents do a great job bringing their kids up, but for some reason they stray. We can't blame ourselves if we really tried. And sometimes the shittiest parents end up with the best kids. It's strange.
www.poopreport.com :)
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RIMADYL KILLS
Sounds like a pool shark, about to be taken down by Trenton Louie.
I feel like Vanessa Is ugly.
Unless you can point out exactly where in your family tree the name appears, fuck the pathetically aspirational trend of giving your kids family-sounding given names.
<"Submitted by loopygorilla on Thu, 09/13/2012 - 1:03pm.
oh nich lacey, get back to the gym, work that body and join the chippendales like the other 98degrees member, jeff something, cuz you got 2 mouths to feed soon.">
TWO mouths to feed!? Forget Chippendales, this calls for a hardcore porn career.
Always liked Nick, you know he thinks he's hot cause he got a boy in a sea of celebrity girl babies.
Submitted by Mel-Tang on Thu, 09/13/2012 - 1:11pm.
I think it is extremely brave to be a parent. The pregnancy shit scares me AND the raising a smart, kind, motivated, happy child in today's world is even scarier. I am not that brave, or selfless. Kudos to all of you who do it, because it is a huge responsibility for life, and that is something to be admired.
Submitted by Bree on Thu, 09/13/2012 - 12:49pm.
Wanted to add, I still don't get why so many celebs and people in general feel the need to squeeze out a kid so quickly after marriage. Maybe I'm just selfish but I kind of want to enjoy myself and my time with my spouse before we're chasing rugrats around.
Yes, but unless you married that dude 3 months after meeting him, you HAD time alone as a couple.
rukiding me - for one, I remember Nick had her on the 5 year plan to get her to take some responsibility and act like a grown up and a wife. But nail in the coffin is her humping Johnny Knoxville and or Bam Magera on the set of Dukes of Hazard.